Posted Tuesday, November 26, 2024
1y
INTJ
Virgo
4Reaching out, Holding on
From The Modern Enneagram (Melanie Bell, Kacie Berghoef), Object Relations: Type Fives (along with Twos and Eights) "... feel rejected by the world and like they need to bring something to others. Their strategies include offering people ... their knowledge and expertise... . These type's defense mechanisms attempt to gain acceptance while assuming the individual will not receive it." (Type Twos offer love and service, Type Eights offer strong protection). As a 5w4 (or maybe it’s the influence of being an INTJ), I’ve been feeling this dynamic acutely lately. Reaching out feels like offering myself up, knowing rejection is likely—but what else can I do? Doing nothing guarantees nothing, and connection is something I need. So, I try, again and again, through the pain, hoping someone will see me as I am and choose to stay. Sometimes I wonder which will come first: finding that connection or the pain becoming too much. Does this resonate with anyone else? Continuing to reach out through the pain, knowing that one connection will change everything?
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9mo
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4I hope you can read this even after 4 month... As a fellow 5w4 I'd say I resonate with your pain in a different way. Type 5 core fear is being helpless and incapable, with type 4 influence wanting to be unique. Resulting 5w4 who want to be capable and unique. Our stress language is withdrawn. Because of what? Because we fears being depleated. We want a connection, in the same time we're afraid that connection will deplete us. So we ended up withdrawn socially. I resonate with your pain to reach out wanting connection but nothing stays... But you know what? The fact that you choose to reach out is a good sign that you're in a growth path, then stay withdrawn knowing you'll hurt in the end. You're doing good, the pain is inevitable. You only had to believe in yourself as the streght of type 5 is independent and self-reliant. If you're wanting a connection you have to remember that thing wasn't superficial. It's something greater than your independent and self-reliant. That's why not anyone means to have it easily. Trust the process. The right one will come in the right time.
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Roham
1y
ENFP
Taurus
7
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