Jay

Posted Tuesday, October 11, 2022

1y

ISTP

Cancer

9

1

(Long read) Saying it's a "Red Flag" - But does that say more about you than them?

You've heard the term before, but is something truly a "Red flag"? I've had someone say that I'm a "walking red flag", but does that say more about me than them? Before I go on, being able to notice red flags is a key tool when it comes to dating. It means you're vigilant and know your core values and what's right (and not right) for you. Kudos to you for this! Quite simply, a red flag is a deal-breaker. Like a person isn't over their ex, or their social views are so vastly different to yours that it's like a bull in a china shop. But when your date doesn't finish the pizza crust? or hasn't watched Friends? Or doesn't watch Hocus Pocus religiously every Halloween? Is that truly a red flag? Apparently my red flag is that I don't own a Netflix or Spotify account. Sure, it's quirky or not the norm, but is that truly a deal-breaker? What a red flag doesn't take into account is compromise or taking time to understand why your date does what they do. Essentially, a red flag is an instant cut; a constant walk away moment. A big fat NOPE, but where is the emotional aspect? Dating is very much emotional driven, and getting to know someone. Curiosity, essentially. A "Red flag" overrides this and gives you the ability to become cold and distant with your date without having to explain yourself. From the other side, this looks not only extremely rude, but makes the person cold, cruel and not being able to understand others. So if my date was to ask why I don't have a Netflix account or Spotify account, I would have said I watch a lot of YouTube instead and I don't tend to stream music because of my DJing Hobby. So my advice to you is; before you "red flag" something, is it truly red in nature, and is it grounds to instantly cut away from your date? Appreciate the long post and thank you for reading :) Happy dating! Jay P.S. no this isn't a copy and paste from somewhere else! I've typed this out based on (bad) dating experiences! 🤣 Edit 1: Sorry for some reason I can't see all comments! I really hope I can soon! 😥 (edited)