Unlike if a guy shoots his shot there's more of a chance of rejection and men are expected to fight through the rejections and learn how to shrug them off until someone finally says yes. Is it because to women rejection from men hits that much harder BECAUSE of the expectation that a man would have no business turning down an offer from a woman? (Yet at the same time an attractive girl who's used to being said yes to is likely to find the one guy who rejects her that much more attractive. 🤣)

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Rin

1mo

INFJ

Aries

For me (and I donno about all the other women, this is just my experience) I guess there are very few men who qualify for my what I’m looking for that make me even want to initiate something or “shoot my shot” - so I ain’t shooting that many shots out here to begin with just for lack of desire. 🤷🏻‍♀️ And if I’m honest, out of those few shots I take most of the time guys don’t actually even answer let alone outwardly “reject”. So it’s more of a “meh, not finding what I’m looking for” thing. It’s not really about rejection for me. Like most people, I’ve experienced rejection in person, but that also doesn’t put me off approaching people I’m interested in now. I’m just still out here looking for one that’s worth shooting at I guess. 🤣 It’s kinda like playing The Oregon Trail when all there is to shoot at for food is squirrels and you’re savin your bullets for when that bison finally shows up. 👀

Christy

1mo

INTJ

Capricorn

I am of the opinion that it is due to what is normalized in society. It is one of those things that persisted throughout time and is attached to the traditional gender roles and expectations of women and men. Men have generally been considered and expected to be more assertive and expected to be leaders. So the task of asking out has traditionally been the expectation of men. And for women, they have generally been considered and expected to be more subservient/passive and expected to follow men. So although men would ask, traditionally women didn't have much of a choice unless they already had a man. But with time, a lot of these traditional gender roles and expectations have shifted, mostly due to women rising up and the help of men who agreed with women. With more legal rights, women also demanded (and still do demand) social rights, too. However, not every aspect of these traditional gender roles and expectations have been eradicated or changed. In this situation, the acts of asking and answering is one of them that honestly, as long as their answer is respected, women benefit more. Regardless of how likely someone is to be rejected or accepted, fear of rejection is a very HUMAN emotion that is not linked to a particular gender. Anyone can feel this. So why would women want to change an expectation that benefits us? The only issue with women having to answer is that it is fairly common for men to get angry and sometimes harm the woman if they are rejected. So women do often fear for their safety if asked in person. But generally, women don't ask because it isn't expected of us and yes, most of us fear rejection. So if it isn't an expectation, why go through the anxiety of asking? If y'all want to change this expectation, it is up to more men to speak up and do something about it. Namely... Stop asking first. This COULD result in nothing coming out of a connection if neither person asks, of course. But if you want a woman who asks you first, then don't worry about losing out on a woman who doesn't fulfill that desire. There ARE women who ask first. They're just more rare. So if a man wants a woman like that, it's best to be patient. It may also benefit you to be up front about this on profiles/bios, saying something like "Love a woman who shoots her shot and will ask me out first" or something like that. Doing so also gives confidence to women who may want to ask, but hesitates due to the fear of rejection. Change in life is inevitable. But not everything changes just by waiting for time to change it. Just like how women have fought to gain legal rights and change other societal expectations, men need to do the same if they want this to change. Naturally this perspective is my opinion, but I'd say societal precedence gives my perspective some credentials. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Jayce

1mo

ENFJ

Aries

Writing from the authority of all the women I have a right to - yours truly; I dont identify with behaving in a way that could be labeled as 'hesitatant' in matters regarding my lifes' desires. I believe myself to be proactive, however, discerning. So whilst I may not be the demographic of individuals you are seeking guidance from, I believe discernment could be useful for you to consider in terms of the narratives you have labeled 'hesitation'. Moreover, I wanted to connect with you regading a few of the narratives you have shared. I believe the perspectives could benefit from a shift: from immaturity to maturity. For eg.: i) I strongly believe, out of the qualities of self-esteem/-worth/-respect, one would maintain a standard (not expectation) for the self to be proactive in the matters of their own lives/desires, including healing from naivity/immature perspectives, let alone pursuing relations with others. ii) I dont position myself to "fight" "rejection" - I tolerate it, & quite gladly; I am pleased for others & myself to be redirected to what may be suitable for our respective needs (or away from that which is not suitable). I do not see anothers' redirection as a personal reflection of the self. Quite simply, existentialism is not personal - it is not personal others' personal preferences. iii) someone saying yes is a process only their end. They most likely arent "finally" doing anything [leave, if youre not happy with the time it takes] they would be doing, & probably for the first time. "Finally" is an expectation that you have attached + carried as baggage from each last person to the next, consecutively since you started such a count. iv) although I understand you were positing a theory: "expectation that a man would have no business turning down an offer from a woman" - Anyone reserves the right to decline invitations of others' advances. That's base civility, moreover from the fact that personal relationships are not an entitlement. v) "yet at the same time an attractive girl who's used to being said yes to is likely to find the one guy who rejects her that much more attractive. 🤣" - sounds like a symptom of complex formative trauma - to reach for & accept someone who would chronically deny our identities' needs. I find it a little scary you'd laugh at someone so misfortunate as to be conditioned to be vulnerable to those who could potentially harm them (actual rejection can be harmful just as much as the perceived rejection made topic of this conversation) Being proactive & or mature arent gendered conditions

1mo

ENFP

Aries

Damn

Heather

1mo

ESFJ

Libra

For me, I get a lot of dry shots. Are you considering these to be legitimate shots? If so :

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Damn

For me, I get a lot of dry shots. Are you considering these to be legitimate shots? If so :

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