Posted Friday, August 9, 2024
2yDating someone who already has a child/children
What is everyone's opinion on this subject? Honestly, if the person I'm dating doesn't work out, I'm choosing to never, ever date a parent again....at my age, 39, ive never met anyone where we wanted to marry, or have children with...I want one or a few of my own in the future(i feel like my biological clock is coming to an end quickly though 😂)...and someone with a kid/s already, there's always either going to be complications with the other parent...using the kid as a pawn...or they won't have time for you, because they are focused on raising the child.. Also, there's always going to be a nagging thought in the back of my mind, that he can always go back to the mother of his child...though I'm not a jealous person, there sure are a lot of difficult things to accept and consider when dating a parent... So everyone willing to share.....thoughts on this subject???
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2y
I feel like some of the points you're making are a little unfair... I think my bigger concern about dating parents is that it might be unfair to the kid when I leave. I feel like I'm cold around the children for many many reasons. Part of it is that I'm afraid of accusations because other parents often love to throw them... Part of it is because I don't want the child to be hurt when I go away. Also I believe at your age your past your prime for having kids. I think I was told it was younger than you that they start considering it a geriatric pregnancy 🤣. My parents adopted me at 48 and it was arguably far too old. I had grandparents aged parents and in many ways that wasn't cool. (edited)
2y
Even at my age I'm starting to think I gotta be stepdaddy. Lots of people have children young as is so finding someone who doesn't is a rarity even rarer the older people get. It's kinda something you're gonna have to accept and learn to deal with or you can wait till you find one of the few guys that don't that's in your age range.
2y
Knowing yourself is one, getting to know and accepting another person is different. Relationship is a choice, you win some you lose some. Being a single mom, I say- Motherhood is a gift and I cannot catergorically say that Seeing my Ex for my child‘s sake is an issue, we closed our books, that‘s it. NO take 2. As long as a woman is economically and socially empowered I don’t see an issue having another child NOT my own in my house. LOVING is SHARING and entering a Relationship is something that Is dependent of my choice.
2y
I wouldn’t date a person with kids, even if the other parent is in the picture because to me that’s a lot of baggage to deal with. I know it because my mom is dealing with it right now. A man with two kids, a toxic ex, and I get the feeling she feels like she’s gotta be a second mom to them and I don’t like seeing her that way. I wouldn’t want to put anyone in that position or be in that position myself.
2y
I mean, you're already 39? Not to be harsh about it, but your biological clock's probably already run through. You've probably only got about a 10-20% chance of being able to have children at this point, and even if you can, there's a very high likely-hood of them having down-syndrome or other serious conditions. Hopefully you can still get lucky and have a couple of kids, but the question is, why did you wait so long?
2y
I'll be with someone who has children. But I think my red flag is when they are wanting to introduce me to their children immediately. That isn't fair to the kids or me. I have had someone cheat on me with their ex so I get where you are coming from. Idk. It's in the air. I think they need to know they have the time to date.
2y
2y
I'm at the golden age now of 41 and thinking I just want a partner in my life to make me happy, I don't think I'll have my own kids...that ship has probably sailed long ago...! Lol a lot of men on date apps my age have children.. that would save me pushing 1 out...! 🤣🤣 maybe I would be better suited with a guy who had older kids instead... or I just buy a pet!! Lol 🤣
2y
I’ll never date another single mother 🤦🏽♂️it’s not for me. Women with kids by multiple men especially! When I see a single mother now no matter how attractive she is I think this! Lack of self control, poor decision making, and not enough time or resources. Step dads are the men women wouldn’t date if they didn’t have kids 🤷🏽♂️
2y
I think I would be fine dating someone who has a kid. I do eventually want to have some of my own, but I don't mind if they have one. I would try not to have a relationship with the kid until the relationship got more serious. I see the kid part as my partners past. I can't fault them for having one in the past with the person they loved. Blood doesn't make a person a dad, raising the child with love does. I have people who I consider family that don't have blood ties to me so, I see the same as a father you don't have to be blood related. All that matters is if you are serious with the move and you treat the child with respect and come to care for it.
2y
I personally don’t mind as long as I don’t make them uncomfortable, also I wouldn’t want the mother to have to choose love or their child because their child will win so if you know they have a child and your not comfortable don’t try dating if your not willing to try raising the child
2y
I think it all depends on what you are looking for, I wouldn't say rule it out as sometimes if they are worth it, it just works! But its not for everyone so dont force it if you dont feel it working! But if you decide too then you must have patience and understanding! Also the fear is real when introducing someone else into kids lives, even if you are aware that your ex is doing it, so if you think you are going a little crazy it's OK, it takes time and it's not as bad as you think. Also give the ex a bit of time to adjust too. Hope this makes sense to someone (edited)
2y
I've dated someone with children, and I think the worst part was that the fact that when the child acted out you can't say anything. Because 'its not your place' whether the child screams, hits, or even just disrespects your partner you don't have the authority because the other parent still can come in and say you're in the wrong. It's like being a full time baby sitter at the end of the day.
2y
I went on few dates with someone who had a young child..co-parented.. it was difficult working round the guy and his child, he had set days he seen the child.. not much give and take on his part... wouldn't ask the mother if he could change days, so we could meet... It was hard, sometimes felt I was dating the mother too
2y
I wouldn't unless I was absolutely shure of the partner before i met the kid. I do want to have kids of my own of course but kids are a major responsibility. And if I'm dating someone and it doesn't work out then I wouldn't want to give the kid false hope. As adults we can adapt and understand that life happens, but it could damage their development if attachments are formed and then it's broken
2y
My preference as I have no children of my own is that my date has no children herself either. But never say never. Though I would consider someone who has one child, not more, provided that the father of that child is in the picture and not a dickhead. If she has 2 or more it is a fat big no-no.
2y
If I knew a person interested in me did not want kids or does want kids of their own biologically, I would consider not dating them and just be a friend only to them. That way is being more considerate to them (because I already have 1 kid and not biologically going to have anymore kids even though I could) and I would definitely want the best for them, and not be in their way. I would however prefer to know up front so I wouldn't be lead on or even give them the wrong impression. Your partner or potential partner should be aware near the start...If u can have difficult conversations early on, that can build greater connection and communication (edited)
2y
Insightful view/experience on the matter that you have there. Hmm...Honestly, it's a person to person basis thing in my opinion. I find myself sought out by mothers who generally have this line in their bio "my child/children come first", as they should. However, if I was even ready to attempt to be in a serious relationship, it would be at a great disadvantage because though I want to focus on the individual I know there's a lot more that comes with growing to know her and her kids and even the father/fathers of her kids. I won't say it not worth it because I've been in a 5 year relationship with a single mother and it wasn't so bad.
2y
I wouldn't be completely opposed to dating someone with children but it'd have to be someone very special. I don't really want any of my own biological children but not against raising a child
2y
I think for most people, they would rather date the spawn of he'll then go back to their child's other parent. There is a reason they are not together so there is a MUCH better chance of them finding someone random then going back to their ex. If wanting children is a legitimate concern then you should date someone who could be a potential parent to your future children. It can be important so that's very simple. If you aren't okay with your partner making time for his/her children, you don't understand parenting and you should probably never try to be a parent because you don't understand the importance of children and being there for them. If you love that person and they meet your needs the fact that they are a parent is irrelevant. If they don't meet your needs then you need to have the courage to move on so that both of your time isn't wasted. No point living a lie.
2y
This should be question of the day
2y
Personally I'd rather someone has kids and not wanting them. I'm at the age I do not want anymore anyway. No baggage for person I'm dating re my husband as I'm widowed but my boys are very protective of their mum. If you date someone with kids, they will always come first too, as they should and of course the mother of those children will still be involved which would not be an issue. I would expect to be lower down in importance as should anyone dating me.
2y
I personally think that if someone already has kids, they need a partner who already has kids as well and/or they need to keep the kids separate for a long time in regards to when you see this partner. Kids get attached very easily and I think a lot of adults can as well. But it's heartbreaking when the partner breaks up, not only for the couple but for the children as well. So I think it's possible to have a relationship with someone with kids, but it will be more difficult, more effort, and you have to keep your kids and dating life a little more separate. That being said, if both people have kids, you can always do a play date for them and hang out that way. But good luck to all the single parents looking for love 💓
2y
It really depends on the situation, intentions, and expectations. Obliviously struggles of finances from divorces, either child support, or alimony depending on how divorces went. Whether your male or female. Or the intention of kid introductions and time available from work. If you dont have a decent job you have a roommate or live with parents. Honestly for me Idm dating anyone with kids and I would never use mine as a pawn cause I find it morally wrong. But Im also the type where if you want kids in the future im down lol. But I'm friends with ex but I don't want them back lol. We are divorced for a reason.
2y
I’m only 23… and won’t be looking forward to any children for the next 6-10 years from now. For now, I want to experience my early-mid 20s for what it is. When I feel like I met the one and we have a long, endearing relationship for years, then I can dabble with my partner about the thought of having children. I’m the type that wants attention and wants to go out and do things, at least for now. With a child, that may be limited. I need to settle with someone that’s within the same point of their life as I. (edited)
1y
❤️
2y
I would say that it depends on the age of the children. All of mine are out of the house with carreers already. Been divorced 7 years, never going back... but that's just me
2y
I don't personally feel you create an unhealthy relationship with love for your kids if you have multiple partners during their existence if you are changing and growing and evolving throughout...if the reasons the relationship ends are corrected going forward like let's say if you struggle with insecurities that make you hesitant to trust then maybe there is some inner work you can find support for and then going forward you can apply what you've learned from your previous relationship but really only if you truly believe you have space to change
2y
I'd pursue a relationship with someone who has kid(s) I respect the relationship with the other parent(s) no matter the situation...kids come first that's priority...if something isn't right for you then it's not going to be right for the kids...if it's right for the kids and unsettling for us then we either need to identify why and heal what is preventing you from providing a happy and healthy life for you and your kids...nobody replaces anyone, our family and hearts just grow a bit more as long as we're all on the same page
2y
Being with somebody that already has kids is tough. Especially if the other parent is still in the picture is some way or form. I feel like even if they’re with you they’ll never not have feelings for the other person. Because personally I wouldn’t have a child with someone that I fully didn’t love. And you’re not only building a connection with the parent you’re building one with the child. So if it doesn’t work out with the parent you lost twice.
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