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Jade

20d

INTP
Cancer

5w4

5

4

Because I keep seeing posts on here whining about it:
3 awards

You aren't entitled to anyone's attention just because you're "nice" and no one should be expected to be attracted to every nice person.

99

78

Comment

You're Worthy

20d

INFP
Sagittarius

5w4

5

4

Self-proclaimed "nice guys" aren't really nice. If they were truly a "nice" person (1) they wouldn't bring up how wonderful they are and (2) they wouldn't feel entitled to get anything for their behavior, including a having girlfriend. Their niceness is also only directed at the person of romantic interest for the sake of attracting that person's interest; with other people, the negative traits hidden behind the "nice" label come out. "Nice" guys are genuinely good people who aren't boastful, don't have any expectations because of their behavior and treat everyone nicely. "Nice" guys are covering up an inferiority complex and shame towards their deficiencies. They put themselves on their own pedestal even though they're not able to bring much to table except that they're supposedly nice. Even if they were truly nice, that's not enough. A nice guy would recognize that the chemistry isn't there and respects the boundaries set up by the woman.

16

0

Reply

Sam

20d

INTP
Taurus

5w4

5

4

From a biological and evolutionary standpoint, women tend to pick guys who are less nice and not a push over. This is so the men they selected can protect them. The women who chooses males who are nice and a doormat, wont respect them.

4

20

Reply

Jade

20d

INTP
Cancer

5w4

5

4

Being a good person =/= being a pushover or doormat. It's unfortunate if you think they're equivalent. Also, stop using fake science to support your opinion.

12

3

Reply

Sam

20d

INTP
Taurus

5w4

5

4

@Jade With your catty attitude, I'm sure there is a 'nice' guy out there for you.

2

2

Reply

Jade

20d

INTP
Cancer

5w4

5

4

1 award

@Sam Of course, the misogynist's answer: an opinionated woman has a "catty attitude".

14

2

Reply

Reeg

20d

ENFP
Cancer

@Sam I want a catty attitude. 👁👄👁 Besides the only jab st you she took was the weird science..... Tbf... It is weird, no reference, nor is common enough to ignore a reference

0

0

Reply

F.T.C. 2022

20d

ESTJ
Aries

What is your definition of a nice guy because I think you're mistaken nice guys with insecure boys

0

0

Reply

Sam

20d

INTP
Taurus

5w4

5

4

@Jade Misogynist? Well i am gay... so i dont think that is the case. But your post is what a misandrist would think. What I find appalling is that people like you are casual about derogatory, derisive, and narcissistic mocking. Everyone can agreed that they dont like to be generalized and yet its okay for you fo generalized other people. Its quite sad that this kind of behavior is not only allowed, but staggeringly prevalent and encouraged.

1

2

Reply

Kathryn

20d

INFP
Aquarius

5w6

5

6

Agreed...unfortunately

1

0

Reply

Kaitlyn

20d

INTJ
Sagittarius

5w6

5

6

You can still find a protector who isn't a jackass. He can project himself as fierce in public but be a sweetheart among friends/ family.

2

0

Reply

Jade

20d

INTP
Cancer

5w4

5

4

@Sam There is no correlation between you being gay to you making a sexist remark, given that I only refuted your comment about a good person not being equivalent to being a doormat, and called out your use of fake science to falsely support an opinion (unless you have scientific backing that it is indeed biological), and yet you resorted to a personal insult in the same vein as men would dismiss a woman speaking her mind because apparently that amounts to being a (insert derogatory term). It's also amazing how you think this post is misandry, because nowhere did I ever say anything against men in general, but rather a criticism of certain men's behavior that is indeed very prevalent on claiming they are "nice" and that's why women don't want to date them, because "women want to date jerks," which puts the blame on women -- hence the post, that women indeed do like genuinely nice men, but men who claim to be "nice guys" aren't really as nice as they think they are because nice people don't act entitled to attention just for the fact, nor are nice people nice for the sake of reward, nor are women some sort of reward for niceness, because women are also people.

5

1

Reply

Jay🐦

20d

ENFP
Virgo

4w3

4

3

@Jade Guy's I found the programmer!

0

0

Reply

Sam

19d

INTP
Taurus

5w4

5

4

@Jade The thing with intelligence is that it has a tendency to lean towards pride and arrogance. You alright dismiss anything that doesn't agree with you. Like i said in my previous comment, if you dont like to be generalized then you shouldn't generalized other people. Instead of having an open mind, you immediately dismiss any new information and Instead, scoop to derisive, condescending mockery. You can call me misogynist since i am a guy but im not straight. So yeah i deal with guys who arent nice too but i dont whine about it. I simply acknowledged it and learned to ascertain the real nice guys from the fake nice guys. However, just because someone doesnt please me all the time doesnt mean they aren't nice. We also have to look at ourselves in the mirror. The reason why i commented was because this kind of post can be toxic. It just congregate people with bad experience. It present a certain perceptive of man in a negative light and to fuel contempt for them. If women (and gay men) have contempt and a negative view on men, then whats the point of having a relationship with men? That attitude and mindset is only going to poison future relations. Overall, women can have good and bad experiences with men. And men can have good and bad experiences with women. We shouldn't use a bad experience with someone else as a template for our relations with another.

0

1

Reply

Jacob

19d

INTP
Gemini

8w7

8

7

@Jade I mean he's somewhat correct in a sense, but also wrong. The issue I have with both here is something of a confusion of terms. The good man is less nice than the typical nice guy, in the sense that he won't just be polite and servile, still polite but not in the same way. He's more good than the nice guy because he will stand up for what is good and be more honest rather than lie to be polite and try to get others to like him or feel better. He will be disagreeable and direct where appropriate instead. The good man is generally more aggressive, not in the hostile or violent sense but in the "I will back up my beliefs and stand by my disagreements" kinda way. It's more complicated than nice or jerk, the good man is both and neither in my opinion. Not sure I'm communicating it quite right. I do think you yourself went a step too far in making the "as men dismiss a woman speaking her mind" comment, that is kinda... Welp... It's an altogether unpleasant use of speech there to generalize men that way, especially since women also engage that behavior, isn't it?

0

1

Reply

Jade

19d

INTP
Cancer

5w4

5

4

@Jacob I do agree in the distinction between nice and kind (made a comment on that) but I think it's more nuanced than is being stated here. A genuinely nice person (social skill nice) can still have firmly established boundaries, while a genuinely kind person (trait) might have trouble enforcing them. I also didn't say ALL men dismiss women speaking their mind, I said that his comment was in the same vein as when (meaning the instances when) men would dismiss a woman speaking her.mind not as a claim that all men dismiss women speaking their minds, that would have been something like: "All men say this to dismiss women." I said men because (1) it's a specific talking down tactic used only by men against women, and (2) it is a given that it was only in circumstances when it'd happen, so it obviously doesn't apply to other men who don't do it at all (excluded from the "instances when it happens") Same vein as people using alcohol for comfort, not meaning all people, but only people who do.

1

1

Reply

Jacob

19d

INTP
Gemini

8w7

8

7

@Jade I'd say kind is also a skill, something you have to work to incorporate, but it's much deeper and something you kinda integrate. That's a good way of viewing it though and I didn't really consider it that way. It has that kinda Implication though, I'm just trying to say perhaps be a little more precise and direct in word choice. I like to use a royal you in that instance. This is probably half my inner linguist and writer coming out in full critique mode. I do apologize somewhat. I will say I disagree I've seen and heard women use that kind of approach a fair bit, though I don't think I've heard it used against men now that I think about it... Huh.

1

1

Reply

Jade

19d

INTP
Cancer

5w4

5

4

@Jacob Yeah, now that I think o it, women do use it against othet women too. I guess the more correct term would be more on systemic sexism. Same as the people example (which I thought of too late because I couldn't think of why it seemed like a given for me) it just seemed implied that it was only specific to people who did that specific thing. Will be more conscious on wording.

1

1

Reply

Jacob

19d

INTP
Gemini

8w7

8

7

@Jade Don't know I'd call it sexism fully, I do know men who used it on men, just don't think I've ever heard of a woman using it on a man. Odd. It's midnight though so things are getting a bit foggy. It's an interesting observation though and I wonder how much is of society, how much is the differences between men and women, etc. But yeah, I think don't be too worried about the wording I know I can get hyper critical on that sometimes because I'm trying to write a book and I have been training myself to be extremely picky about words and language when writing.

1

0

Reply

Antoine

20d

INTJ
Leo

7w8

7

8

If your being kind for the sake of getting something in return...your not being kind, your manipulative

8

1

Reply

Jacoby

20d

INFP
Aries

8w7

8

7

👆👆

0

0

Reply

Richard

20d

INFP
Gemini

4w5

4

5

It's an old story. People enjoy blaming anything but themselves for their own failiures. "Nice" guys aren't acting nice, they just are.

7

0

Reply

Elynn Liu

20d

INFP
Gemini

6w7

6

7

Ain't that the truth!

6

1

Reply

Adam

20d

ENFP
Aries

5w6

5

6

Amen! Just accept reality and move on 💪

5

0

Reply

Ashley

20d

ISFP
Virgo

4w5

4

5

Egg. Zact. Lee.

4

0

Reply

Kathryn

20d

INFP
Aquarius

5w6

5

6

I have a couple friends that say that they are nice guys and they generally act like that, but they also are quick to getting grumpy ans mad, saying, "well no duh, no woman is ever going to like me because I'm a nice guy and nice guys never get the girl." They put such a negative outlook on themselves and females that it frankly turns me away from wanting to be anything more than just friends with them. I sit there listening to them rant about the females they just tried confessing to or dating and it just...*sighs* I feel bad for them because some of the females make me annoyed with my own gender, but then I also question why they were trying to find a girlfriend at a bar or at a club. Nice guys do not lose out to bad guys, in the end it is more like....if you are such a nice guy why are you making such horrible judgments on me based upon all the unfortunate experiences you have with other females. Which is a bit hypocritical of me because I have PTSD with men doing bad stuff....

3

0

Reply

Known Human

20d

INTJ
Gemini

It's a meme at this point. Best way is to get more money. If they still don't pay attention, well, you've got more money.

2

0

Reply

Jacob

19d

INTP
Gemini

8w7

8

7

Here's the thing, they are nice, they're not good. Being nice is to be polite and accommodating, it can also be pretty spineless and weak. Servile, almost. It also often ends up with someone who expects something in return without ever expressing or backing himself up. These kinds also tend to push their self responsibilities onto others. They also feel like they deserve things in life. A good man will back himself up, will disagree directly and be direct about it. He provides but also takes charge and responsibility for himself. In my humble view a good man knows he isn't guaranteed or owed a damn thing and while appreciating gratitude will strive to take it in stride and continue pursuit of goals.

1

1

Reply

Jade

19d

INTP
Cancer

5w4

5

4

Yup. I always say that nice doesn't always mean kind, and kind doesn't always mean nice. Kindness is a trait, while niceness is a social skill.

1

0

Reply

Dana

20d

ENTP
Aquarius

7w6

7

6

Yep! Here is an easy way to tell! Do you feel the need to let people know you're a nice guy? Because if you do... you're more like a "nice guy"

2

0

Reply

Kaitlyn

20d

INTJ
Sagittarius

5w6

5

6

If a man has to claim he's nice, is he really? Actions speak louder than words. Are you trying to convince yourself, or me?

2

0

Reply

Salazar Castillo Mendoza

20d

INFP
Sagittarius

8w7

8

7

It's true that, just because you are nice/supportive/caring to a girl doesn't mean she HAS to like you back. But it's also true that, if someone treats you a certain way that makes it clear they want to be something more than a friend and you don't do anything to reject their advances, then both parties are to blame. Lift your head up kings, love is already an uphill battle, no need to make it more difficult with that mind set

1

3

Reply

Harold

19d

INFP
Leo

2w1

2

1

Treating someone a certain way is not the same as making it clear you want something more than friendship. Making it clear could be done by having a discussion your love and need of evolution in the relationship with the other party.

0

1

Reply

Salazar Castillo Mendoza

19d

INFP
Sagittarius

8w7

8

7

@Harold Never said it is. Wording suggests expressing affection in a way that it's clear your intentions go beyond that of a normal friendship, including verbally communicating your feelings. I agree that it's important to "discuss" your love, and intentions should be made clear early on in the relationship.

1

1

Reply

Harold

19d

INFP
Leo

2w1

2

1

@Salazar Castillo Mendoza Thank you for clarifying. I'm pretty sure I'm not writing this for you, but I still feel like I should. You wrote "if someone treats you a certain way that makes it clear they want to be something more than a friend". It's only interpretation from your part at this point as long as you don't confront that interpretation with what they really want by verbally communicating. I'm not saying that your interpretation will be wrong though. Just that it is interpretation and I think it's one of the first reasons some persons feel entitled to be liked back. By misinterpreting and thinking it was made clear by the way someone is treating them when that someone actually treats everyone around them the same way.

0

0

Reply

Andrew

19d

ISFP
Cancer

You seem like a real catch 🤣

0

2

Reply

Jade

19d

INTP
Cancer

5w4

5

4

I'm not trying to be a catch, especially not to men who can't handle someone seeing past their bs and speaking up about it.

1

1

Reply

Andrew

19d

ISFP
Cancer

@Jade Lmao whatever you gotta tell yourself lady 😆

0

0

Reply

BɪɢFᴏᴏᴛ

20d

INFP
Pisces

8w7

8

7

vent vent vent like anybody does

1

0

Reply

Vince

20d

INTP
Aquarius

5w6

5

6

It's dependents on that person's personal definition of "Nice".

1

0

Reply

Juksu

19d

INTP
Libra

3w4

3

4

This. Many guys I meet think they’re nice when they’re just being narsistic and manipulative. If a man starts to argue against this, it tells enough about him. Not a nice guy.

1

0

Reply

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