I thought this was good advice until I woke up one day and realized not only did I not form relationships when I was younger, my grand quest to love myself didnt even materialize. It drove me further into self isolation waiting until I was better to open up to others. Honestly speaking I think this platitude is incredibly harmful and reduces the dynamic and complicated aspect of relationships into black and white thinking. What are your thoughts and what's been your experience learning to love yourself?

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Nicole

INTJ

Aries

I feel like the intended sentiment of loving yourself before loving others is well-meaning, however I disagree with it. For some people it's easier to find ways to love themselves when they are able to see how they can love others. I've definitely had realizations like oh that thing that person does is charming which has helped me consider how people may view my quirks/etc in a less critical way than I normally do which has helped me find love and appreciation for myself. I also believe having the healthy support of someone you feel safe loving can be very beneficial for the individual growth of self love. That's not to say it can't be dangerous to love others first because it's obviously not healthy to become dependent on others to validate your self worth. So I agree with you it is definitely not a subject that should be watered down to black and white.

Beverly

INFP

Cancer

I agree; it lends itself to the thought that you have to make yourself somehow deserving of love from others, which just isn't true. I've found that "loving" yourself mostly entails coming to terms with your own perceived flaws & accepting them, and learning and growing while deliberately being kind to yourself.

Audrey

INTJ

Capricorn

I'm working through this as we speak. I'm working on my self-esteem because that is something no one but me can fix. In my situation, I know in order to give love without expectations of getting love in return, I know I have to change my mindset on giving. I'm learning that most of the time, what I do give is a gift, whether it is a physical gift, or wisdom, that you won't always get a gift back, but I am also learning how to save something as a gift for me. Self care is something only you can do. You know you better than anyone. For me, I don't feel it is fair to ask someone to fix my self-esteem. That is something I need to be responsible for.

Kitty

INTP

Leo

I think it can work for some people, but over time and a lot of therapy, I've realized it was sabotaging me. When you have a hard time recognizing value in yourself, especially due to trauma, being loved and accepted by others, and finding strength in knowing they see something worthy in you can be far more helpful than trying to go it alone on empty.

Lor

INFJ

Capricorn

let’s change it to “Never stop learning how to love yourself while you love others”

Michael

INFP

Pisces

Loving yourself doesn't have to be loving the way you look, or being attracted to yourself. Loving yourself is being glad your around. Understanding you have important things to offer by still living. Now I wouldn't date myself, but I'd say I'm pretty good looking, I've always thought that. But I hated my own guts. It's not about Loving them, it's about understandinf.

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Love yourself before you love others. Yay or nay?

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let’s change it to “Never stop learning how to love yourself while you love others”

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