Meech

Posted Tuesday, September 13, 2022

INTP

Virgo

1 Award

Ive Decided to Stop Being a Good Guy

Its been 30 years and I've tried my hardest to be good. Giving people my last when im struggling, caring about what people say, helping people in need, trying to treat everyone with respect and decency, and never using people. But when its my turn I just get stomped on, abused, and taken for everything im worth with no remorse. When I feel terrible, no one is there to comfort me. When I have nothing, no one stops to help. When I just want a hug or some care the world acts like I dont even exist. I try to be considerate to people, but people never think about what its like to be in my shoes. Im done. From now on, when I want something ill take it. If that is going to hurt a fellow human, too bad. Im tired of having nothing, being nothing, and suffering for other peoples sake, when they are none the wiser. That being said, if I AM suffering for someone, I damn sure are going to expect something out of it. If I can manipulate someone for personal gain, then its their fault for being stupid. If no one will ever like me, then I just have to force the world to bend to my whims without my pathetic sense of morality. Ive outgrown the need to be good. Its time I stopped turning the other cheek, whoever said that is a liar and a fool. The weak get stepped on, period. Time to stop being weak.

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Jade

INTP

Kindness isn't a weakness. It sounds to me more like you just need to establish boundaries.

Patrick

ENFP

Gemini

Right, but that's the problem tho - you TRIED to be a good person, instead of being a good person? I've met people like you - nice guys/nice girls who treat karma like some sort of a currency, and you know what? You're an annoying bunch. I've had a lot more fun with them when they went mask off and let their actual feeling pour out, at least then I could respect them. Trying to be a good person is what weak people so to pretend they're strong, "Oh I could totally beat that guy up, I'm just being a bigger man". Sure thing Tony, whatever helps you sleep at night... You have my blessings in your new chapter in life, just hope you're preferred to deal with the consequences of your actions and/or the pressure of living in the fast lane.

Kat

INTP

Virgo

Instead of starting your villain era, therapy and healing exist and you might find them to be pretty beneficial

Wid

INTP

Cancer

Nahh you just want an attention.

Mike

ISFJ

Gemini

Learn to say no to others, find better people to be around, and show yourself the same respect you have shown to others. No need to lower yourself to others, just dont be around them any more. Cut the bad and negative people out of your life.

Raphael

INFP

I gave myself this same pep talk when I was 16, but I believe God intervened & told me it would just result in a viscious cycle of me continuing to double down, audaciously digging myself into a worse moral state to quell my conscience.

Rob

INTJ

Virgo

You let me know when you actually do that mate, because being the kind of person you are is like smoking - you can talk about quitting as much as you want, but in the end, you light up one more "last" one. I say this as someone who has given himself that speech dozens of times, and yet I still wind up helping people, because that is simply who I am. Here is the secret: be more selective in who you help, and when you do help someone, do it without expectation that they'll ever return the favour. Just because people can count on you doesn't mean you can count on others, so don't - then you can't become bitter and disappointed when expectations are not met because you had none in the first place.

Michal

INTP

Aries

Being the "good guy" through all your life was your actual personality or was that just some kind of act that was supposed to help you obtain things you lacked like gratitude, friends or affection? If being a good guy and disinterestely helping others was your genuine personality that made you come to this point then your approach to this matter isn't entirely wrong. But if you were doing that in order to get something in return or because you was scared of being rejected then you haven't been a "good guy" but a "nice guy". I dont know too many important factors in that story so I'll finish with my speculations, but I believe what you need is not to be an asshole but just a stronger person that knows his value and can set his boundaries.

Noirsurblanc

INFP

Aries

i had a thought before going out home that there are good people out there and i have to be good to find them. i end up with finding that the world is full of selfish angry people. too sad...

Isaac Pritt

INFJ

Sagittarius

Build a house.turn the living room floor and one side of the wall into an aquarium...buy a great white shark and a penguin...youll understand why

Jil

INTJ

Capricorn

I think it's called "having boundaries" it's definitely not an easy concept to learn if not learned early on. But it must be somewhere between neglecting oneself to help others and being selfish and inconsiderate.

ISFJ

Libra

@Meech.You are being a good human..you do you...just know when to stop,the streets are cold ..nobody cares ,just know when to say no and take good care of yourself.

Baby

ISFJ

Libra

When you do something good, don't expect anything in return...you do understood this rule, don't you? When & if it's in your hand to help out, it doesn't harm or loss on you, lend & give it out. Do it only when its needed, don't go out of your way doing things unnecessary. It's always been that way, few will return same kindness or none at all. It's true that people whom has been with you throughout the years could change overnight for selfish reasons, abandoning you when you needed them most. Don't change yourself, just be you as you, no matter what. But, be wiser & deal with them accordingly as per you could handle without losing your own goodness. Remember, prioritize yourself, extend only what you can, no more than that....

Mikael

ENTJ

Aries

Here's the thing. A good guy wouldn't write this. So therein might lie your issue. Already entitled. (edited)

Chris

ISTP

Scorpio

Yeah, no one is going to give you anything, man. Even those who you yourself "give" to, you're actually having it taken. They've perfected HOW they take it, but trust, "ain't no one that desperate". We want to believe they are, but think about ALL the things that would have had to go wrong rather than right for them to be in the position they're in. How many could they have stopped with a bit of foresight and sense? Why didn't they? Why the hell is it your problem? How the hell did YOU get so lucky that this one in a million sad sack crossed YOUR path, and it's YOUR twenty dollars that they need to get back on track in life? This is THE crucial turning point for them, and all they need is you. 🤣 Sorry, we aren't so fortunate. These people are not those I help.

Kay

INFP

Pisces

It can be frustrating to give everything to someone (or for the greater good in general) and feel like you're not being appreciated in return. Remember you're not the only one who feels this way, and small acts of kindness can go a long way in another person's life. You might not always see the result and they might not tell you, but that doesn't mean you haven't left a positive impact. Manipulating and hurting others won't make you happy. You will be in more pain, inflict pain on others, and could possibly even pass it onto your kids (if you have any, or choose to have any). There are healthier coping mechanisms to cope with your pain I have seen how self destructive this path can be, first hand. Intentionally hurting others won't cause you to feel healed or at peace

Alex

ESTP

Sagittarius

it won't make you happier. it takes more strength to go against the grain and care while shouldering pain than to repress everything and return the callousness you have received.

INFJ

Cancer

If for a second, you assume that doing something good is to get a reward, you wasted that second. This is why people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, etc, will do a good action when there is benefit to take from it, or their ego can be boosted. When we are children, often the thought is to reward good deeds - or we assume with religion/faith, that we will get paid back in some way for doing good. Now, sit back, and ponder about heroes. What do they get?? The biggest heroes get Nothing. Many die without a medal. But they don't stop being a hero, quite the opposite. Here's the thing about doing what is right: you do it for the action itself. Not for the outcome. You do it and you get to be proud of yourself. Getting screwed over isn't a thing just for you, everyone gets to be screwed over at some time: they just don't go tell you. Why would they?? The moment we lose ourselves because we wanted rewards, or to be told "oh you did so well!! Aw", we end up losing the admiration of the one person who can always be proud of you: Yourself. You being worth gold IS your reward. A walking reward. And don't worry, not many in this world can say that. And those who are worth the world, won't see any worth on any rich powerful lying manipulative douche, poor guy worked "so hard" trampling others for "success" and is regarded as a sad joke of a human... The blessed point is surviving a hard life for the sake of everyone who is worth it. Not sure there's anything worse than losing who you are .. It takes a lot of confidence for someone to do what is right just because it's right, regardless of how many get to stand against them. It takes strength, courage, and being badass. To do what is correct, no matter the lack of backup. To have a voice when everyone is quiet. It takes another fiber of being, to allow a blow to fall on us just to aid someone else, sometimes with nobody dreaming of it. It's not weak. It's not stupid. It's a choice, no matter the outcome of it. And it's a view on which you see a bigger picture, outside of yourself, something that not everyone can achieve Then you have the opposite, being really small and unable to see more than what the poor insecure hand can grasp.... when the view of the situation is so short-sighted, that only "what can I get from this..? Love? Admiration?? Money??? Stuff? Who's looking? Agh, if it's just me, it's not enough!!! Needs to be something else" can be shallowly seen. Still being so insecure that the own person being proud of themselves isn't seen as worth enough, needing other stuff on top,.... when your self view isn't worth enough for you, you will always be a slave of your surroundings, situations and others..... yet somehow, due to not being able to see further on, it's not even possible to see how weak and painfully dependant that is! You feel frustrated, not because people screwed you over, but because you never acknowledged yourself as an adult, as your own person who can be independent and self-sufficient, where your admiration for yourself is fueling you no matter what. Where you being proud of your effort, gives you the fire you need. The one who has been screwing you over, was you, for not being there for yourself. Don't delude yourself that others were stupid or weak. No, they knew the risk, and decided to give you a chance. Aware you could be less worthy. They believed in your potential when you didn't. They decided to give you that, and like a child you somehow think that you "stole" the thing that was given to you, and run away thinking you did something huge... all you did was fail yourself, and burn bridges. This is something that even highly intelligent people diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, are aware of - they will go to a therapist to memorize all that isn't to be done and try hard to resist that temptation, have in mind they will have actual pleasure from doing things that are quite incorrect, to others, and that the ability to have empathy isn't available to them. It's all puzzle pieces, and yet, they will deny themselves that pleasure and temptation, just to not burn the bridges they know they will need one day, so they don't get to end up all alone. Then you have the rest who are not as intelligent, who will burn everything around them to the ground, bit by bit. But, notice - even someone unable to feel empathy for others, who gets pleasure from feeling powerful and bigger than others, from fooling and manipulating, will work all their lives to learn not to act in such a way, just not to mess their life up... they will fight actual temptation, as they know that doing what you so eagerly want to do, will mess up "their path to power, help and recognition" in the long run..... So, even if hypothetically not caring for who you hurt, this is how badly off from the truth you are. Regardless of the reason being lack of empathy, lack of maturity, or of sense of self-worth - either way, the route you mention will only steer you further away from your "goal". I'm rooting that you DO have empathy, and just had struggles with your sense of self-worth, and are able to nurture yourself and get back on your feet. As this world needs more of Truly Strong people. The badass ones, with Confidence, Maturity and Integrity. (edited)

Mister A

ISTJ

Virgo

Yup; like some have said; in different words: many times what we call 'kindness' or 'nice guy' etc; is actually just cowardice. Good luck on your adventure of embracing masculinity.

Endigo

INTP

Sagittarius

I have a theory about this. I think people that give everything that have do it because they've never had anyone themselves. Because they never want another person to go without like they did I think you must keep a part of yourself just for YOU. There must be balance. Just a thought 💭

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Ive Decided to Stop Being a Good Guy

Deepconversation Community

Kindness isn't a weakness. It sounds to me more like you just need to establish boundaries.

Instead of starting your villain era, therapy and healing exist and you might find them to be pretty beneficial

Nahh you just want an attention.

Learn to say no to others, find better people to be around, and show yourself the same respect you have shown to others. No need to lower yourself to others, just dont be around them any more. Cut the bad and negative people out of your life.

I gave myself this same pep talk when I was 16, but I believe God intervened & told me it would just result in a viscious cycle of me continuing to double down, audaciously digging myself into a worse moral state to quell my conscience.

i had a thought before going out home that there are good people out there and i have to be good to find them. i end up with finding that the world is full of selfish angry people. too sad...

Build a house.turn the living room floor and one side of the wall into an aquarium...buy a great white shark and a penguin...youll understand why

I think it's called "having boundaries" it's definitely not an easy concept to learn if not learned early on. But it must be somewhere between neglecting oneself to help others and being selfish and inconsiderate.

@Meech.You are being a good human..you do you...just know when to stop,the streets are cold ..nobody cares ,just know when to say no and take good care of yourself.

Here's the thing. A good guy wouldn't write this. So therein might lie your issue. Already entitled. (edited)

it won't make you happier. it takes more strength to go against the grain and care while shouldering pain than to repress everything and return the callousness you have received.

Yup; like some have said; in different words: many times what we call 'kindness' or 'nice guy' etc; is actually just cowardice. Good luck on your adventure of embracing masculinity.

I have a theory about this. I think people that give everything that have do it because they've never had anyone themselves. Because they never want another person to go without like they did I think you must keep a part of yourself just for YOU. There must be balance. Just a thought 💭

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