N

Posted Wednesday, September 21, 2022

1y

INFJ

Aries

8

7

The thing with people who don't like small talk...

I see this a lot- people asking what the hell that even means because their view is that you need small talk at some point. I am on the side of small talk makes me feel weird and I don't like it. So, first I think we should define "small talk." To me this is like every conversation I have to have with co-workers or supervisors that I have nothing in common with or with people that I just to want to be someplace else instead of talking to but I dont want to be rude to. It's conversations that only serve as placeholders occupying that moment only and will not expand thoughts or move forward anything else out of having it. It is in essence, just a formality. Sometimes even an obligation. I don't know how to have conversations for long that are just superficial. I am still learning this really, and why it's so hard for some people to have small talk while others are perfectly happy with small talk all day. I think it may be part of the introvert/extrovert thing. At any rate, I think deeply about every single thing I experience. Every exchange with another person is something that stays with me always on some level. So I tend not to have them often. I don't want to waste too much of my time fumbling around in the small talk zone because I have an emotional connection to every word I speak/type (except with small talk) and so what I say is important to me. People joke that you can't expect complete strangers to just start a conversation on a theological debate or something, but why not? That is the state of mind I find myself in constantly and the only kind of conversation I find truly rewarding. I don't need small talk to build a connection or to maintain one with another person. I do need the kind of conversation where both people are exchanging small stories and just conversating on things such as what they have been up to in the times they have not talked. I think this is where people get confused. It is still purposeful communication that I want to be having. Small talk is forced just for the sake of having a conversation. When getting to know someone if the conversation doesn't turn to metaphysical, scientific, spiritual or theological at some point, I just don't have a use for it (and of course it's not limited to just those categories.). I don't talk just to enjoy the company of strangers. If I had it my way, I would actually take a vow of silence for a year just so I could analyze how it felt to hear my own voice after so long.