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2y

Thoughts/advice?

So sister in her late 30s that I had an argument with a month ago, told me to stay "out of her life", and instead of arguing with her, I just did it. So we haven't spoken for a month. Today she leaves me a crying voicemail telling me to call her, that she's not having a good time in her life, blah blah, no apology though. I don't really want her chaos or drama in my life. This month has been quite peaceful. Edit: also said "why am I doing this to her" Uh, you told me to stay out of your life. I didn't call her back. Thoughts? (edited)

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2y

She's your sister, call her back. Think about how you would feel if she wasn't around tomorrow. Yes, family is the worst, sometimes, but they're a part of you. (edited)

2y

Gotta take care of your mental health. If she's causing that much stress, then leave things as they are.

2y

Honestly... it depends on the relationship you two have, and what you want to have. If she's toxic to your mental health, then set firm boundaries, but if she respects those boundaries, then let her. If she doesn't, then you can remind her of those boundaries and stick to your guns. Don't be quick to cut her out entirely. In the end, our siblings are the only ones who we've known most of our lives, and that's a relationship that should be cherished if possible. But... that being said, sometimes it's unavoidable, and not healthy to stay close. So... my only advice is to trust your gut, but try not to make decisions in anger or frustration. Good luck, and I hope it turns out alright.

2y

She tells you to get out of her life her problems are now no longer yours she clearly only wants you there when it suits her and that is extremely not fair on you

2y

She's probably using you as someone to lean on instead of processing it

2y

Honestly sometimes you gotta cut people out that are not healthy for you. I've had to do it with a few toxic/ triggering family members myself. Just make sure you explain yourself clearly so that you give her a chance to evaluate and change. You don't want to cut her off without explaining why or hold her to an expectation/boundary she is unaware of. That would be a bit unfair (edited)

2y

I think if you really want her in your life and you really care about her, you need to try to work on forgiveness. But you also need to work on putting boundaries in place and tell her ,"hey, it's not cool that you did this and that's why I walked out of your life. Could I have handled the situation better and talk to you before leaving your life? Certainly. But I didn't know how to do that at the time. But now I want to fix things and I want to work on things. And anytime we get angry at each other we need to talk about it."

2y

Good. Cut out the cancer.

2y

Without a longer history this is difficult to ascertain. Her difficulties are likely why she treated you so. The question is not whether or not she will actually open up and grow closer so that you can understand each other's mutual needs, or if she'll just use you as a crutch to get up and then cast you away when she can walk. (if she even gives any respect at all to begin with or intends to bring you down)

2y

I can often see what people will learn in the future by glancing at body language. Most of what people understand is limited by the experience of pain. A lot of people seem to create their own trauma when he brain is underdeveloped as if the brain is trying to force them to develop. Unless a person can counter their own brain and start leaning control they pretty much can only run into a brick wall to learn.

2y

If your family doesn't matter to you who cares, let her suffer, sounds like you just wanted an excuse to remove her from your life anyway

2y

Maybe compassion at a distance? And boundaries so that you can be a sister without having anything toxic tearing your life up.

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