Long story short, I was in a toxic relationship for 16 years and even though he has been out of my life for 7 months now, physically at least, he is taking steps to be a better man (in anger management classes, in counseling, on antidepressants and psych meds).... he's wanting another chance at being a father to the kids and he's hoping with these improvements that he's making that he will be able to start with supervised visits and go from there, but it is really difficult talking with him because every time the conversation ends, he says I love you. And just out of habit because we were together so long, it just rolls off my mouth, you too. Till last night, when I was strong enough to just say, Thank you, I know you do and I care about you. Then he just kept repeating I love you over and over and I had to hang up on him. I have been dating someone new for about 2 months now and I'm starting to feel alive again inside and he already knows this but why does hearing him say those words, not spark feelings of love for him because I'm over those feelings for the most part, but why does it just make me feel sad and sorrowful to see him in so much pain? And what can I do about it because I am not going back to him.

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Chris

INTJ

Taurus

It makes you sad to see him in pain even though his behavior that drove him out was toxic to the family bc you are an empathetic person (ever read Ender's Game?). Btw empathy is a strength in many ways and a natural instinct for most people especially in regard to family members but it is often extremely important to modulate your agreeableness in critical situations when you know something isn't right and even brave that risk of stepping out into the desert abyss. Imo you shouldn't fault yourself if you have and even express love for him with words yet no longer accept him to play the same role he once did in your life if you have settled your principles on where you choose to set your newly drawn boundaries lines and remain honest with yourself. Delay gratification and remember your priorities --what is MOST important. Also we don't know the full details so only take our advice with a grain of salt if at all. People do change but it's pretty safe to say in most cases it's best to move on when we know in our hearts: that someone we left is fundamentally toxic to us and if accepted back in -- then relapse into toxic behavior will have a significant chance of being triggered and reverted back to eventually. Stay smart, stay strong, stay brave, stay honest. 🫶 (edited)

Wolf

ENFP

Cancer

You can love someone and not be in love with them. That's completely fine and usually expected after so many years. Just make sure he understands the difference. If he's taking it the wrong way, it just prolongs the pain. He's got to let go too and the hardest thing is he's going to have to do this on his own without your help.

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Devin McGovern READ( New) BIO

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Every time i find a perfect girl for me she says she likes so much and all the sudden loses interest out of no where and it keeps happening like why that's so unfair