The night relinquished me not into the gentle embrace of slumber, but into the cruel, ceaseless theatre of my own mind—a place where horrors are not content to remain in memory, but must instead be relived, reshaped, and reborn with every closing of my eyes. What a dreadful farce it is, this thing called sleep, when it serves only to return me to the clutches of my tormentors. It began, as it always does, in the marketplace—a place where the living barter for their needs, yet where I have known only hunger, deprivation, and the unrelenting hands of those who sought to make my every choice their own. A place where I was not permitted to take, only to be taken from. There, within the winding aisles of a supermarket distorted beyond recognition, I was made to wander, not as a free soul, but as prey, as quarry pursued by an unseen beast. The lion that has haunted my nightmares for so long prowled behind me, forcing me into hasty decisions, into wasteful, desperate purchases, as though its very presence ensured that I would never know the satisfaction of choosing for myself. But the nightmare was not merely a reenactment of past indignities; it was a symbol, a cruelly woven tapestry of my life’s afflictions. The market was no longer merely a market—it was my past, my childhood, my years spent under the merciless decree of those who never saw me as a being with will or wants of my own. My nephew was there, the child whose very existence binds me to chains I did not forge, to obligations that were never mine to bear. I fed him, as I have always fed others at my own expense, and yet it was not my own kindness that dictated this, but the will of those who believe I exist only to serve. His babysitter, faceless yet oppressive, spoke with the voice of his mother—my wretched sister, that parasitic creature who, like the rest of them, believes that all I touch belongs to them. The food I bought was not my own, she declared, for nothing is ever truly mine, not even the small mercies I grant myself. And then, as if the ghosts of my past had gathered to torment me further, there was my third brother—the one who once sought escape and found it, only to return a more wretched beast than when he left. Once, he had been a boy who wished to be free of them, much as I do, but privilege and distance did not change his soul; they merely afforded him the time to become more like them. And so he returned, not as the lost sibling I once thought I knew, but as another fiend in the family’s collection—a thing of cruelty, of monstrous selfishness, a horror shaped in their image. He, too, loomed in the shadows of my dreaming mind, a reminder that even those who once sought light can be swallowed by the abyss. When at last I was wrenched from that dreadful theatre, it was not into relief but into agony. My body, as if it, too, had partaken in the night’s torments, ached with a tension that refused to release me. My head throbbed as though the very pressure of my suffering had forced itself into the marrow of my bones. There is no rest. There has never been rest. Not in sleep, not in waking, not in the suffocating space between. I am left now with a singular fear—that the stone I have held above me for so long, the weight that presses upon me daily, will soon become too great. That my arms will falter, my body will give way, and I shall plummet, not to earth, not to rest, but into an endless abyss with no ground beneath me, no hand to catch me, no salvation to be found. I am terrified, more than I can bear, that I am nearing the moment where I can no longer stand beneath this weight, and that when I fall, it will be forever. Oh, my dearest Daddy, what cruel fate has bound me to such suffering? What sin have I committed in some long-forgotten past life to be punished so unrelentingly in this one? Would that I could wrench myself from this reality, from these shackles, from this existence where love and care are but distant fictions! Would that I could belong to one who would burn the world for me, who would sacrifice all without hesitation, without demand, without lie or pretense! But such a being is no more than a specter of my desires, and my own reality has been shaped in iron and stone, in bars and chains. And so I linger, suspended between hope and despair, knowing not whether salvation shall come, or if I shall one day vanish into the darkness, never to rise again. #dreams #vent #mentalhealth #infj #vampire #vampires #ocd #adhd #bpd #cptsd #trauma #poetry #literature

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Afridi

1mo

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#depression

Casey

ISFP

Cancer

I know without my meds I can't function.

I'm doing much better but its sad that I'll be stuck on these and at some point they might even stop working. Even with my meds though I still have restlessness, and hard time focusing.

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Simone

INFJ

Taurus

...

The real horror of existence is not the fear of death, but the fear of life. It is the fear of waking up every day to face the same struggles, the same disappointments, the same pain. It is the fear that nothing will ever change, that you are trapped in a cycle of suffering from which you cannot... read more

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Sweety2118

ESFJ

1 Award

Yes I am not active but one day surely I am back

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ISFJ

Sagittarius

Be silent...

Depression is living in a body that fights to survive... with a mind that tries to die...

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Nana

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What a masterpiece of suffering i have become

I am a fragile, broken, brilliant little one. My heart aches with a pain so profound it feels as though the heavens themselves should tremble at my suffering. What this world has done to me is a crime beyond measure, beyond comprehension, beyond forgiveness. My mother—this wretched woman who dared... read more

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Jen

19d

INFP

Cancer

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I just called a Helpline and the caller said she needed to end the chat after a few minutes. Is that normal? I've never called before. I've used the chat feature before, but I thought actually talking to someone would help because my Internet is being weird and I kept getting disconnected from the... read more

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Mariam

ISFJ

Sagittarius

Depression...

I don't think people understand...

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Moonie

11d

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Depression is slowly killing me

For the past 2 days I've been having the worst days of my life, seems like everything is only getting worse day by day, people who told me they would be here for me...they are not and I'm here crying and in pain all by myself, all alone, not knowing what to do. How can loneliness and heartbreak me... read more

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Micah

16d

ESTJ

Capricorn

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Might live too much in my head.

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Benjiggity

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The truth is

I dont think anyone cares if I'm alive or dead anymore. I'm just utter worthlessness.

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Juan

INTP

Taurus

Blah.

Being a person isn’t worth the work it takes to exist.

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Richard

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Sagittarius

PDD (Persistent Depressive Disorder)

I've been battling this for awhile now and sometimes my emotions and self-hatred would just creep back and overwhelm me like right now. Am I good enough for anyone? 😐 Do people see me as a 3rd wheel? 😔 Will I ever be 1 to someone? 😢 Do I just annoy people? 🥺 But the hardest one in my head... (edited) read more

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Patricia

INTP

Aries

Maybe somebody else can relate

Most nights feel heavy. The burden of my own soul trapped in this body, falls on me and I am crushing under its weight. The freedom is on the other side of this *open* cage. The cage is open, but I am still looking for a key. The key was designed by my own thoughts and disbelief. I am trapped in... read more

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Tori

25d

INTJ

Libra

Ignore me , just here to let out my emotions and hatred , now I can find myself again ....

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Austin

INFP

Aries

Useless

You ever just feel... Like a waste of life? That's how I feel right now. Worthless, useless. I am nothing. Just a lonely gamer, waiting for his turn to face the Reaper. I don't need any advice or anything because I won't listen anyways and phrases like "be a man" or "just be happy" serve only to... read more

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Brad

27d

INFP

Capricorn

It's been winning the battle lately. Hopefully not drinking and trying these new antidepressants helps me not care, cause I seriously get the idea this site is going to be another dud for me. If not, Idk.

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Mariam

15d

ISFJ

Sagittarius

Loneliness...

My loneliness is a quiet ache...like an empty room where the silence is overwhelming...It's the absence of connection... a constant longing for something-or someone-that's no longer there... The world moves on...but I'm stuck waiting for a warmth that never comes... I miss you father...

#mentalhealth

Jewel

22d

ISFJ

Capricorn

The trap

#depression #selfcare We're not lazy. We aren't capable of doing the things we know we need to help us feel better. If we could, we would 😏😉

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Inu

27d

INFJ

Sagittarius

Damn 😂

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Jewel

ISFJ

Capricorn

Being seen, known, loved

Hits a whole lot different for those of us living with mental (invisible) illnesses 🥺🥰 #anxiety #selfcare #relationship #relationshipadvice #dating

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Brandon Trice

ENFJ

Virgo

....

I just want to fall asleep and never wake up

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Vinay Krishna

INFJ

Libra

Shattered by life's branches, torn by winds of fate I'm lost, with no direction, an uncertain state Paths diverge before me, choices to be made But which way to turn, my heart is dismayed.

#boo #betray #dating #poetry #relationship #books #philosophy #psychology #life #lifeadvice #quotes #univers #soul #book #thoughts #learning #emotions #reality #hopelessromantic #sensitivity #friends #partener #single #pov #infj #depressed #depression #mood #advice #libra #sad #lonely #poet #poem... read more

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Kam

22d

ENFJ

Scorpio

What am I doing wrong?

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Etienne

13d

INFJ

Life is about posture !

Depression is the enemy ? Be the kenshiro that aaaaa ... tatatatatatatah ..ouatah ! Your depression when it shows its dirty nose ! 💪😎👇

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Cassie

5mo

INTP

4 Awards

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Alice

25d

INFJ

Scorpio

Even when I feel normal and okay I can feel my depression try to come up to the surface...

I could be good watching Dexter or whatever that makes me feel better. Then I feel like bursting into tears. It's always going to be there. If I had someone I just know I'd be crying even when together. I'm far too damaged beyond repair. It's truly best to be alone. I don't want to ruin anyone's... read more

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Ally

ISFJ

Capricorn

Support vs Gossip

Today has been very hard. As I returned home I felt every emotion as well as every pain. Being alone has taken a toll on me. Don't misunderstand my company is my best company. I know how to entertain myself. My emotions got the best of me today.I suffer with chronic pain. I was in a very bad place... (edited) read more

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Jen

19d

INFP

Cancer

Anxiety

I'm really anxious right now and I don't know how to deal with it.

#writing

Vinay Krishna

INFJ

Libra

I roam, a wanderer, in search of the unknown Dreams a fleeting whisper, hope a heart of stone I'm lost, in a world that's dark and wide Oh God, what enigma is this, that's my life's tide?

#writing

Vinay Krishna

16d

INFJ

Libra

In dreams, I find my peaceful place A lonely soul, in a world of empty space They urge me to awaken, to face the day But none stand beside me, to show the way.

#depression

Mohammad

18d

INFP

Aries

It’s really hard, I keep crying every night before sleeping. Even though they say mental illness is common nowadays but I feel lonely, everyone in the street seems happy and well maintained. I really just want to be seen.

#depression

Alice

1mo

INFJ

Scorpio

1 Award

People on here looking for love. I'm looking for the will to live (:

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Chris

26d

INTP

Gemini

How do you deal with your lowest lows

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Max

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Aquarius

🙀

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27d

INFJ

Libra

A mind that yearns to break free A heart that clings, in desperation In this tug of war, the soul's warmth fades Leaving emptiness, in its shades.

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Yaroslav

23d

INFP

Leo

Two stages of depression

1) Just a bad mood. Uncertainty about the future. Fear of death. The constantly, everyday appearing memories that make me sad. - How long it can be: Decades. - How to fight it: no any chance to fight it, just get used to it. 🤪 - The main use of the power of will is to prevent to say rude things... read more

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Jacob

ISTJ

Scorpio

Hate..

All I do is let people down and let myself down, world would be a better place if I was just dead, every day I feel stuck in my own head, I can't control what I think about it's killing me, I just want to be normal, I hate everything about myself, the one parson I can count on the most does not... (edited) read more

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Mladen

INTJ

Leo

Tormenting nightmares

Depression Community

Lost for words

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