Nana

Posted Saturday, February 8, 2025

1mo

INFJ

Scorpio

2

1

A Call to the Wild, the Lost, the Never-Grown, the Ones Who Still Dream

I am a child. A teenager. A soul that never grew up, that never fit into the dull gray world of adulthood, no matter how much people tried to force me. And I am searching for my people. Not just any friends. Not just some online chats that fizzle out after a few weeks. No. I am searching for soulmates. The kind of soulmates that feel like they were written into the script of my life before I even knew them. The kind that grab my hand and pull me into the chaos, into the adventure, into the life we always should have had. The ones who will never leave, never ghost, never let this world steal our fire again. I dream of running away, just throwing everything into a suitcase, grabbing my passport, and never looking back. Maybe I’d land in New York, Paris, Tokyo, Rome, some beautiful city where the neon lights paint our faces and the streets are ours to claim. My soulmates would be waiting for me at the airport, already buzzing with plans, already knowing we are about to make the best mistakes of our lives. We’d dress however we wanted, unapologetic, wild. No boring, dull, "normal" outfits. No, we’d be neon chaos, indie grunge, glittering rebellion. Layers of jewelry that jingle as we move, ripped fishnets, oversized hoodies, platform boots, the kind of style that makes people stop and stare. And we wouldn’t care. We would own it. Because we were born to stand out. The first thing we’d do? Hit the city. We’d run through the streets, laughing until our stomachs hurt, stopping at every vintage bookstore, every thrift shop, every arcade we could find. We’d spend hours in record stores, flipping through vinyls we’d never buy, just talking about our favorite singers, bands, singing under our breath, making up inside jokes that only we understand. We’d blast music in the car, windows down, screaming lyrics into the night, no destination, just pure, electric freedom. Christmas in New York. Hot chocolate and croissants in beautiful festive cafés, staring out at the city lights, knowing that for the first time, we are exactly where we are meant to be. We’d take a million Polaroids, fill our apartment walls with snapshots of our new life. We’d build the coziest, most chaotic home together. Pillow forts, fairy lights, piles of mismatched blankets, a place that feels like childhood and rebellion all at once. We’d throw parties on rooftops, music blasting, dancing to coming of age songs, or whatever songs we want really, like we own the world. We’d play Just Dance until we’re breathless, have horror movie marathons where we scream at the dumb characters and throw popcorn at the screen. We’d sneak into places we’re not supposed to be, talk to strangers, kiss them just because we can, make memories that don’t make sense but will stay with us forever. We’d drive to the beach at night, run into the waves fully clothed, scream into the wind, throw rocks into the ocean and curse at the universe for everything it took from us. And then we’d make a promise, a blood oath if we have to, that we will never let the world dull us. That we will never let ourselves be anything less than the wild, beautiful, untamed creatures we were born to be. Because I am not meant for quiet. I am not meant for dull, gray adulthood. I am not meant for a life that feels like a cage. I am meant to burn, to shine, to live loudly, to love recklessly, to be free. And I know there are others like me. But before you reach out, there are things you need to know. I am chronically ill. Severely, untreated, constantly fighting a battle most people can’t see. I have SLE (Lupus), CPTSD, BPD, OCD, ADHD, DID/OSDD, Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD), severe arthritis, and severe silent relux. Every single one of these conditions is untreated because of the broken, abusive system in my country. I am also going through an extremely abusive situation at home at the moment. This means my life is not easy, but it also means I see the world differently. I feel things deeper. I refuse to let my illnesses and my abuse stop me from dreaming, from wanting, from fighting for the life I deserve. But because of my health, I cannot do text-based conversations. Texting is physically painful for me. I can only communicate through voice calls or voice messages. Ideally, I need people who are brave enough to have real conversations with me through calls. If voice messages are easier, I can send them, but I can’t listen to them. I need responses in text and that has to be short paragraphs not more than 3 or 5 depending on the lenght. If you can’t do calls, at least be comfortable with me sending voice messages while you respond in text. If this sounds too much for you, I get it. I know I am intense. I know my needs are not always "easy." But I have spent too much time pretending to be something I’m not just to make people comfortable. I won’t do it anymore. If you read this and felt something, if you felt like this was written for you, like your heart is screaming yes, yes, this is what I’ve been waiting for—then maybe, you’re one of us. Maybe we’re supposed to find each other. Let’s make this real. Let’s find our way home. #friend #infj #mentalhealth #chill #dreams #dream #cptsd #ptsd #did #ocd #adhd #neurodivergent #comingofage #enfp #enfj #literature #poet #poetry #beauty #drama #games #videogames #ageregression #ddlg