Posted Wednesday, December 10, 2025
1mo
ENFP
Capricorn
The disappointment those who refuse to be just friends bring to the soul.
It's such a cold, empty end to connection seeking. To be told you must be erased from ones perception of reality because you are not interested in sex. Deep conversations, vulnerabilities, art, passions exchanged, only to be told "actually, I can't do this," because there is no sexual outcome to look forward to. It feels beyond dehumanizing. I'm embarrassed to be of the same species as those who are doomed to loneliness, by their own inability to even try being friends with the opposite sex. Especially when it is stated in the beginning the intent is friendship. To engage and go back and forth only to be dismissed because you won't be intimate is so psychologically exhausting. Women know what I'm talking about. Disappointing. (edited)
70
46
Friends Community
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6.9M SOULS
Simon
1mo
ENFP
Virgo
It's sad to hear but it's true. People don't seek a deeper foundation of growth and connection. Its immaturity truly. A broken worldview. Which leaves things so shallow. Wouldn't it be amazing to connect intellectually, artistically, philosophically, to be able to be transparent and vulnerable but then create a place of safety, encouragement and healing craving to grow and be the best possible you? Imagine the foundation that would create. Yet most people, whether they understand why or not stay in the shallow. Growth must be chosen. Experience isn't enough.
4
0
Sam
1mo
INTJ
Aquarius
9
1
1I can sympathize with your frustration, but I could never truly fathom what that must be like. I may be in the minority here, but I tend to make better friends with women. I feel as though it's difficult for me to relate to other men because my interests tend to be more "feminine" coded.
2
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Emily
1mo
INTP
Taurus
43
3
1
0
Andre
1mo
INFP
Libra
21
1I see/hear this kind of thing a lot and I genuinly wonder where the disconnect happens between men and women, and if it's always been this way or if people are just becoming more aware of it happening or a combination of both. I believe in all the system is broken in many ways, and the things we were taught about our self and self worth and needs are breaking it even more. While I sympathise with you, I also sympathise more with the aspects of our species that you are embarrassed of. At the end of the day, we are just experiancing the same lonliness in different ways and it's just interesting to me that it's hard for us to see eye to eye.
1
0
Pogi
1mo
ENFP
Virgo
67
7I'm sorry that this happened to you. I've had this happen to me with friends and acquaintances of both sexes. (I don't really get much interaction with people anymore now that I'm older and prioritize my time with my daughter; hence why I'm on here). But from my teens and throughout my 20's, what you described would be a reccuring theme that would always leave a bitter taste in my mouth that just would would never fully leave, showing up in my thoughts whenever I'm having trouble sleeping or I start daydreaming at times. After reading your post, I'm reminded of all of these "relationships" I've had that that were lost due to the other person "wanting more" despite me being up front with my intentions and setting my boundaries. And if you would like, could go on and share my thoughts and experiences that I've had with these similar situations, granted I have a willing recipient. For anyone that took the time reading this, Thank you for your time.
1
0
MIKE.M
1mo
INFJ
Leo
87
7Look, I get why youāre disappointed, and Iām not here to invalidate you. But Iāll be honest. Iāve never really believed in the whole āpure friendship between a man and a womanā idea. It can exist, sure, but itās rare. Sooner or later, one of them usually catches feelings. The moment two people start opening up and getting closer, something eventually clicks for somebodyā¦ and when it does, the rejection hits ten times harder.A lot of girls also donāt realize that some guys pretend to be ājust friendsā only to stay close and wait for a chance at something more. Thatās exactly why I avoid getting involved with women who have a bunch of male āfriends.ā Iām not wasting my energy trying to convince her that one of those dudes is basically a wolf in sheepās clothing. And then on top of that, being called insecure just because Iām not cool with my girl hanging out with guys? Yeah, no thanks. I got burned once... Iām not signing up for round two.Iāve got a few female friends myself, but thereās zero attraction there, and we donāt even hang out, they live far away. And none of them would ever cross a line with me. But when it comes to men approaching women with the classic āI just want to be your friendāā¦ thatās pure BS. Women fall for it way too often, and men, being hunters, usually make the first move with a different intention behind it.From my side, no hard feelings, I just honestly donāt see the point in having female friendsš¤·āāļø. What do I get out of it? Chit-chat, random BS, and conversations about how modern relationships are basically on life support š. Lets think abit deeper...Me hanging out alone with a female friend means that if something goes down, Iām automatically expected to jump in and protect her, because thatās what men do. Meanwhile, after all that, sheāll probably go sit in some other guyās lap like itās Tuesday LMAOš With my boys?Entirely different ''ecosystem''... If trouble shows up, weāve got each otherās backs Just teamwork. Simple as that. Guys get almost zero actual benefits from having female friendsā¦ meanwhile girls walk away with a whole list of āboyfriend perksā without investing a single drop of romance...Emotional support?Check.Validation?Check.A free therapist, bodyguard, tech support, and personal hype-man?Check, check, check, and check.šš
1
0
Kyo
1mo
ISTJ
Pisces
It is truly disheartening, when that happens. Such men who are mostly driven by their primal instincts do exist and they can ruin the reputation of others, but as you see in your thread here, those are just the exception. There are many who do seek genuine friendship and/or platonic relations and then see from there, if anything further will develope.
1
0
Jake
1mo
INFP
Cancer
45
5Becoming friends first is vital. Relationships that have no friendship involved... it's a gamble if there's common interests. And the odds are against the pair. Not only do I want to find someone but I want them to be my BFF too, ya know?
1
0
Gabriele
1mo
INTJ
Capricorn
I won't say I can understand what you are talking about because that would be a lie, I can sympathize with it. However I can also kinda understand the other side, it can be really painful to be friend with someone when you develop remantic feeling for them. I am not justifying the way or means they used or trying to blame anyone, just saying that I can also see another side.
0
0
glenn
1mo
ISFP
Virgo
0
0
Miguel Angel
1mo
INTJ
Leo
Just be honestā¦ if you donāt want it, thatās ok too and be happyā¦
0
0
Jonathan
1mo
ENFP
Taurus
23
3I don't think the opposite sex is to blame. I think if I'm asking for friends in an app, I should probably manage my expectations. Sometimes woman are trying to be friends when they want more. Like a cope I suppose. Thinking hard about this I realize if I want friends I gotta join a group of people that want to be friends outside a dating app. As hard as it might be to get outside..I really considered going to church and working a part time job at a gym just to be in the places where friendships are made.
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