Advice for a workaholic?

Question

I had a long sit down with one of our managers tonight and we discussed how much I've been neglecting myself for the business recently. (He kicked me off my shift today and took it so I could rest, even though I can work on no sleep 🤷‍♀️) I stopped dating, stopped spending money on myself, stopped going out unless it was for work, and didn't really try to make friends with people here. Just tried having a good image for the bar. Everything became about the business. But I have a hard time removing myself from it since I am the person everyone goes to and I never want what I do to reflect badly on them or the business to the point they lose out on money. And every time I step away for anything, things seem to come crashing down to where I'm pulled back in. I've worked in toxic work environments and I am doing my best to keep it from becoming that. But I acknowledge that me doing the heavy lifting is absolutely hurting me. Does anyone have any advice on how I can manage this situation so I remember to tend to myself as much as I do my business and my team? Because he's not wrong. But I don't know how to step away (even by a little) without it hurting my team.

Accepted Answer

Honestly, I would recommend getting yourself some counselling/therapy. It sounds like you’re an ASSET to the business. You NEED to take the steps to take care of your main investment. (YOU!). It sounds like there are underlying issues that need some resolve. You will grow past this and be better for it. But, you definitely need to be intentional about it.  PS I can 100% relate.

Answer

I'm the same my job takes up so much of me that I don't have time for anything else. If someone calls off my job calls me etc, bad enough I work doubles some days to. My advice for myself was to just say no.  I told myself I'm not the only one who works there, others can pull their weight and I also told myself I'm not the boss if someone was to call off etc. Overworking just burns you out, you need to rest and enjoy other things to. So just say no

Answer

Part of being this involved in a business is to realize no one else on the team can ever do things to the same level as yourself. That's just a fact of life. You need to let your team take on responsibilities and support and help them when they make mistakes. Don't get upset it did not go right, tell them good job for trying and help them grow. Like a mama bird kicking baby birds out the nest. You are too high value of an employee getting bogged down with the details. You could accomplish so much more for the business if you were focused on higher level tasks.

Answer

Build up the other team members so you can trust them to handle it on your day off.

Answer

I'm a workaholic as well. Being in the Navy, there's plenty of work to go around and come back to the next day. If we screw something up, it reflects badly and I could very easily lose my job or my life on top of being one of the most toxic work environments out there. Even if I do everything right or know how to solve a problem, it's up to my superiors to take my advice and they usually don't listen. It's physically and mentally exhausting. When we go underway, it gets even worse considering you can't really go home or have much relaxing to do since you're always needed and there's plenty more work to be done. Some of it does depend on your rate but for the most part, it's pretty accurate. The job was physically/mentally killing me the first year, burned out real quick. I had to change something because I didn't want to end up looking like I was 50 in my 30s so I learned to disconnect myself from the workplace. It's kind of like managing an addiction. Maybe it was running during lunch time instead of doing work, maybe leaving certain tasks for other people to figure out because I can't be everywhere at once and do everything. Just do as you're told, get the worklist for the day done and then leave. Your job will still be there tomorrow and it's not going to fall apart without you, just trust your team more.

Answer

I think a hobbie would be nice, then you might get to like an activity more than you like your job and care more about that, then yourself and new friendships. (If you don't like your job, forget what I've said, in this case I think you should look for a psychologist.)

Answer

Honestly from a workaholic to another it can be super difficult to get out of that headspace. Being aware that you have this problem is already one step in the right direction! Some advice I would give is that putting all of your energy into your job is never worth it in the end. Burnout, lack of social life, being taken advtange of and tons of other cons come with it.  Try to look at it from a standpoint of an addiction. You need to start from scratch and rehabilitate yourself to the point where you can walk out of work and forget about it until the next shift.  Hope everything goes well and you find the answer you need!

Answer

The goal is trying not to do way more work than you can physically and mentally handle. Don’t feel bad to not always be responsible for everything that happens around you even if you feel like you should. Be aware that it’s sometimes okay and necessary to know how to say no and not feel miserable about it (you are not being selfish, but even so, I’d say it’s totally reasonable). Confront that part of yourself instead of pushing it off because you believe worklife is more important to you. You can definitely help other people, but not to a point where you’re not there for yourself at all. There’s nothing as important as your own self and your own well-being which other people won’t be responsible for. Don’t necessarily blame yourself or feel overally responsible for other things that shouldn’t really be in your responsibility to control because you happen to do better a job than others who should feel equally responsible for what they’re doing. Hence, you gotta make the difficult effort to give yourself time to enjoy other parts of your life that doesn’t evolve around work even if you might think you don’t have the time to. Let’s say for example, you have a week or two off of work, but you never had a proper break from it that you don’t know how to spend that time to enjoy other possible exciting and/or meaningful things to you whether it’s spending time alone/spending time with others/going somewhere, even if they may not necessarily be anything practical, that might become a problem. If you ever feel like it’s not going to work out well in that sense no matter what you do, you can try finding a new work environment where it’s easier to set your own boundaries and not over stress yourself (but you gotta know how to do it properly and reasonably, so the cycle doesn’t repeat). It’s all about finding balance. But I totally get that it’s going to be wayy easier said than done. But try planning to come with a method to set some healthy work boundaries even if it means to bring other people to help you find it. But make sure to find a method that personally resonates with you.

Answer

I hear you. And that must be frustrating.  I've heard that every business should follow the "bus rule." In short, the business should be able to survive if any one person is hit by a bus. If not, then there needs to some adjustments made in personnel.  Saying that, in my experience the "bus rule" is usually superseded by the 80/20 rule ... 80% of the work is done by 20% of the people. And I can't help you there.  What I can tell you is that if you aren't careful, you'll take yourself out. Burn-out is a real thing. And when that happens, you're not going to be as good for the business.  The first thing I would suggest is to ask whether things would really fall apart if you weren't there, or whether things would just not be done up to your standards. I'm not suggesting you lower your standards; however, I am suggesting that the bar might survive times when it isn't performing as well.  On that note, I am assuming certain times during the week and certain times during the day are more important than others. Think of yourself as a limited resource ... and make sure you are there when you are most needed (and not there if you aren't).  As for self-care ... that's going to look different for everyone. Maybe it means you are taking time to read a book. Or maybe you are having a meal with a friend. Maybe it's playing DnD with some folks you enjoy. Or maybe there is that thing you want to do but don't find time for. My recommendation is to schedule time for that. And then be unreachable during that time (maybe turn off the phone).  I know you say you can function on no sleep. I believe you. But I do have to ask if you are able to consistently able to give 100% on no sleep. Maybe taking the sleep and operating at 100% is better than not taking the sleep and operating at 80%.  Try getting some sleep one night. Try it as an experiment. See if you feel the same or better. I remember during college, I would function on about 4 hours a night. After I graduated and started getting 8 hours, I realized how much of a fog I had been living in. And because I was always on the fog, it felt normal.  Anyway, that's what I got. I struggle with workaholism myself, and last summer my body and mind finally gave out on me. I spent 10 days in a crisis center. It's been 9 months, and I'm still not at 100%.  And what I have found, is that while my team hasn't done all that I think it should have, the world did not end. No one died. And I'm realizing that I can't carry that much of the workload.  Please don't be like me. You're young, and you can get away with this for probably a long time. But when it finally catches up to you (and it eventually will), I don't think you'll think it was worth it.  So maybe just aspire to be superhuman. You can only carry the business on your shoulders for a certain length of time. But if you figure out how to do it right, you'll do more over the long haul.  I hope this helps.  But, if you are like me, you'll still struggle, because you *can* do it now. And that's the choice only you can make.  Good luck!

Advice for a workaholic?

Lifeadvice Community

Build up the other team members so you can trust them to handle it on your day off.

I think a hobbie would be nice, then you might get to like an activity more than you like your job and care more about that, then yourself and new friendships. (If you don't like your job, forget what I've said, in this case I think you should look for a psychologist.)

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