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🌀𝕬𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖓𝖞🌀
1y
ENFP
Scorpio
2w3
2
3
Yes, except in my case, they're deceased. Each year on New Years day (their birthday) I try to buy a cake to honor them.
As for in the situation you mentioned, no, I wouldn't do it. I'd secretly wish them a Happy Birthday but that's it. The personmay get too many thoughts as to why I'm sayingHBDafter the connection has been severed in the first place.
6
3
Reply
Saurav
1y
ENFJ
Pisces
6w5
6
5
I did something similar last month. I think celebrating a deceased person's birthday, for who they were and how they lived their lives and what we can learn from them is a part of their legacy which lives on in us.
@Saurav That's really cool. I knew some people who's friend killed himself and they held a birthday party for him every year after he died for almost a decade. It's like a way to celebrate his life and all he did for them.
1
0
Reply
Lindsay
1y
INFP
Capricorn
Yeah I'd pass on the birthday wish. I know it can be tempting to reachout to people like that at certain times but keep in mind the friendship ended for a reason. I know it can be hard but you should do what you need to maintain your peace.
Ok here's my thought process.
For people not in my life, I truly wish them happy birthday.
And I don't think it would be happy if some random person from their pastmessages them.
So I let them be to have a good birthday surrounded by the people they love.
2
0
Reply
Tony
1y
ENFJ
Capricorn
If they don't wish you happy birthday too, forget them
1
0
Reply
Saurav
1y
ENFJ
Pisces
6w5
6
5
I wish everyone in my contact list, including exes or people who are not in my life anymore, because they're just people. One must understand that it's not the greeting but the mentality with which you greet them is what is important. Thus, I drawboundaries so it doesn't really botherme.
And last month, I celebrated by Dad's birthday with the family after he passed away. So from this year onwards, the plan is do something good for people on his birthday.
1
0
Reply
Joanna
1y
INTJ
Sagittarius
1w2
1
2
Nope. I have an ex friend who is very toxic, and I think of him sometimes and want to do things like wish him a happy bday, but I know that would open the door to talking more often and winding up back in the toxicity.
0
0
Reply
Ishaan
1y
INTP
Leo
5w4
5
4
I ,most of the times, don't wish happy birthday to even non-toxic people. The reason is i am too lazy to do it. That's just it.
0
0
Reply
Doug
1y
INFJ
Aries
100% wouldn't.
0
0
Reply
Mante
1y
INFJ
Cancer
5w4
5
4
No, because you have no wish to reconnect with her. Then don't. You can wish her happy birthday silently within your own mind
0
0
Reply
SleeplessSongbird
1y
INTJ
Aries
8w7
8
7
If she is toxic and you are not interested in reconnecting, don't do it.
If it's someone whom is deceased, and I have several loved ones who have died, I take a littletime for them on those days.
0
0
Reply
Chris
1y
INTP
Pisces
Sure, wish them happy birthday. It's a smalleffort that costs essentially nothing, you never know who might be in some position of authority over you in the future.
All reward and no risk.
0
0
Reply
Nebula
1y
INTJ
Virgo
6w5
6
5
I think in order for her to grow and you to grow you should just not say anything. It will probably help both of you if it's meant for yous to reconnect it'll happen naturally. Sometimes you just have to shed leaves from the tree of your life.
0
0
Reply
Airam
1y
ISTJ
Leo
1w2
1
2
Nope, especially if they're full of negative energy, and more than likely would not be appreciative of the message from you. Why put effort into that? However, with all of that being said. It's your choice, but personally, I wouldn't do it.
0
0
Reply
Jonathan
1y
ISTP
Virgo
I wouldn't. I never want anything to do with my ex every though we're okay with our time being past
0
0
Reply
Mella
1y
INTP
Taurus
No. A former friend did this to me. At first I thought "that's sweet," and then I realized he had only done it because he wanted the last word. So passive-aggressive.
0
0
Reply
Joseph Dodson
1y
INFJ
Gemini
6w7
6
7
I do it will be my brother birthday on the 18th and every year I lay flowers on his grave
0
0
Reply
Matthew
1y
INTJ
Gemini
6w5
6
5
At some point in my life, I just stopped caring about birthdays. I have trouble remembering them, and then, if I do, I feel like I am doing something out of obligation.
I don't really celebrate my birthday anymore either.
What I do try to do is to reach out to people and let them know I appreciate them. It takes more effort than sending a "happy birthday" message, but I hope it's more meaningful. Plus, I find people are more inclined to respond when you're not competing for "air-time."
However, the problem with my method is that I don't have any reminder to get in touch with them. And so I might go years without saying a word, and then I feel guilty that I lost touch.
As a result, I'm not sure what I do isn't worse than if I used the "happy birthday" method most people seem to use.
...
Okay, so now for the crux of your question. How to show love to a toxic person.
I think part of it comes down to what specifically makes them toxic, and how they might respond.
I'm going to guess you feel you want this person to know that she is cared about, but not so much that she will respond.
My thought, then, would be to send her a card. Find something that expresses your feelings, but don't add any personalnotes. Don't include your return address on the envelope.
In otherwords, you aren't making a "grand gesture" to reconnect, but are communicating "I saw this card and thought of you." That increases the work she would have to do to respond (as opposed to an email or text message, where all she has to do is reply).
Maybe that's helpful. Maybe not. But I feel it might reflect the situation you described.
0
0
Reply
Kate
1y
INFJ
Taurus
I wouldn't do it. You don't have to be nice to people at any cost And be people pleaser Is toxic pattern as well.
0
0
Reply
Luke
1y
INFJ
Libra
9w1
9
1
In a way I think you answered your own question. She's toxic, so why would you voluntarily open the door for that situation. Don't get me wrong, it's great to still have love in your heart for her, but you need to do what's best for you.
0
0
Reply
Ramiz
1y
INTJ
Aquarius
6w5
6
5
I dont wish anyone a happy bday,except family members,cuz nobodywishes me a happy bday,i keep it simple
0
0
Reply
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Posted Sunday, March 6, 2022
1y
Do you wish happy birthday to people no longer in your life?
It's the birthday of an ex friend today. I was thinking about wishing her a happy birthday but although I still have love in my heart for her I have no desire to reconnect with her. She's toxic. Would you do it? Why or why not?
16
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73K SOULS
Best
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New
1y
2w3
2
3
Yes, except in my case, they're deceased. Each year on New Years day (their birthday) I try to buy a cake to honor them. As for in the situation you mentioned, no, I wouldn't do it. I'd secretly wish them a Happy Birthday but that's it. The person may get too many thoughts as to why I'm saying HBD after the connection has been severed in the first place.
6
3
1y
6w5
6
5
I did something similar last month. I think celebrating a deceased person's birthday, for who they were and how they lived their lives and what we can learn from them is a part of their legacy which lives on in us.
3
2
1y
2w3
2
3
@Saurav This 💯 ^^^^ Saurav.
2
0
1y
@Saurav That's really cool. I knew some people who's friend killed himself and they held a birthday party for him every year after he died for almost a decade. It's like a way to celebrate his life and all he did for them.
1
0
1y
Yeah I'd pass on the birthday wish. I know it can be tempting to reach out to people like that at certain times but keep in mind the friendship ended for a reason. I know it can be hard but you should do what you need to maintain your peace.
1
1
1y
Thanks I appreciate that.
1
0
1y
8w7
8
7
Ok here's my thought process. For people not in my life, I truly wish them happy birthday. And I don't think it would be happy if some random person from their past messages them. So I let them be to have a good birthday surrounded by the people they love.
2
0
1y
If they don't wish you happy birthday too, forget them
1
0
1y
6w5
6
5
I wish everyone in my contact list, including exes or people who are not in my life anymore, because they're just people. One must understand that it's not the greeting but the mentality with which you greet them is what is important. Thus, I draw boundaries so it doesn't really bother me. And last month, I celebrated by Dad's birthday with the family after he passed away. So from this year onwards, the plan is do something good for people on his birthday.
1
0
1y
1w2
1
2
Nope. I have an ex friend who is very toxic, and I think of him sometimes and want to do things like wish him a happy bday, but I know that would open the door to talking more often and winding up back in the toxicity.
0
0
1y
5w4
5
4
I ,most of the times, don't wish happy birthday to even non-toxic people. The reason is i am too lazy to do it. That's just it.
0
0
1y
100% wouldn't.
0
0
1y
5w4
5
4
No, because you have no wish to reconnect with her. Then don't. You can wish her happy birthday silently within your own mind
0
0
1y
8w7
8
7
If she is toxic and you are not interested in reconnecting, don't do it. If it's someone whom is deceased, and I have several loved ones who have died, I take a little time for them on those days.
0
0
1y
Sure, wish them happy birthday. It's a small effort that costs essentially nothing, you never know who might be in some position of authority over you in the future. All reward and no risk.
0
0
1y
6w5
6
5
I think in order for her to grow and you to grow you should just not say anything. It will probably help both of you if it's meant for yous to reconnect it'll happen naturally. Sometimes you just have to shed leaves from the tree of your life.
0
0
1y
1w2
1
2
Nope, especially if they're full of negative energy, and more than likely would not be appreciative of the message from you. Why put effort into that? However, with all of that being said. It's your choice, but personally, I wouldn't do it.
0
0
1y
I wouldn't. I never want anything to do with my ex every though we're okay with our time being past
0
0
1y
No. A former friend did this to me. At first I thought "that's sweet," and then I realized he had only done it because he wanted the last word. So passive-aggressive.
0
0
1y
6w7
6
7
I do it will be my brother birthday on the 18th and every year I lay flowers on his grave
0
0
1y
6w5
6
5
At some point in my life, I just stopped caring about birthdays. I have trouble remembering them, and then, if I do, I feel like I am doing something out of obligation. I don't really celebrate my birthday anymore either. What I do try to do is to reach out to people and let them know I appreciate them. It takes more effort than sending a "happy birthday" message, but I hope it's more meaningful. Plus, I find people are more inclined to respond when you're not competing for "air-time." However, the problem with my method is that I don't have any reminder to get in touch with them. And so I might go years without saying a word, and then I feel guilty that I lost touch. As a result, I'm not sure what I do isn't worse than if I used the "happy birthday" method most people seem to use. ... Okay, so now for the crux of your question. How to show love to a toxic person. I think part of it comes down to what specifically makes them toxic, and how they might respond. I'm going to guess you feel you want this person to know that she is cared about, but not so much that she will respond. My thought, then, would be to send her a card. Find something that expresses your feelings, but don't add any personal notes. Don't include your return address on the envelope. In other words, you aren't making a "grand gesture" to reconnect, but are communicating "I saw this card and thought of you." That increases the work she would have to do to respond (as opposed to an email or text message, where all she has to do is reply). Maybe that's helpful. Maybe not. But I feel it might reflect the situation you described.
0
0
1y
I wouldn't do it. You don't have to be nice to people at any cost And be people pleaser Is toxic pattern as well.
0
0
1y
9w1
9
1
In a way I think you answered your own question. She's toxic, so why would you voluntarily open the door for that situation. Don't get me wrong, it's great to still have love in your heart for her, but you need to do what's best for you.
0
0
1y
6w5
6
5
I dont wish anyone a happy bday,except family members,cuz nobody wishes me a happy bday,i keep it simple
0
0