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Julian

1 month ago

INTP
Virgo

7w8

7

8

Is anyone else tired of making the first move?

I always hear that the guy should take the lead and make the first move, but I just don't agree. For me, I'm extremely self conscious and doubtful so making the first move or first message is really hard. But when I actually do it just ends up as rejection. I am the type to wait for the girl to make the move but it never happens lol. I even find it really attractive when a girl takes the lead. Does anyone else struggle with this as well?

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49

58

Badet

1 month ago

ISTJ
Virgo

5w6

5

6

Guys, I know it's usually hard for you to constantly make a move. Let me give you some tips, this might work for some and not for others - be active and proactive in the forums and make friends with women, not necessarily flirting a lot. Some women are not interested in interacting with strangers who message them first in the DMs. Sometimes it takes time and a good laugh to make someone feel comfortable talking to you.

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15

4

Collins

1 month ago

ENFJ
Capricorn

I kinda agree with her.

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4

1

Daniel

1 month ago

INFJ
Cancer

2w3

2

3

Excellent point - friendship first; if that works go from there. Glad you brought that to the forum because I feel like men tend to forget that, and then get bent out of shape about lack of response, etc.

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3

1

Tobias

1 month ago

ISFP
Gemini

I agree with you, but I wouldn't be holding out too much hope tbh. I recently made a post asking the men of Boo if they had ever actually been asked on a date by a woman. I never actually crunched the numbers on the results, but the thread got a ton of responses and I'd estimate around 90-95% of the guys said they'd never been asked out. And the majority of the ones who said they had looked like Hollywood actors or rockstars or something 🤷‍♂️😅

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4

5

Julian

1 month ago

INTP
Virgo

7w8

7

8

Yea it's really rare sadly for the girl to make the first move. Which I'm surprised really, because let's be honest, girls have an extremely higher chance of not getting rejected than guys lol 😂

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3

1

Tobias

1 month ago

ISFP
Gemini

Yeah that's a good point too, I never really thought about that 🤷‍♂️😅

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0

0

Dayna

1 month ago

INTP
Virgo

I have been asked a few times and i dont look anything amaze balls. Just luck of the draw lol. Right place right time. But then again its never someone im interested in. So wrong place right time

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0

1

Tobias

1 month ago

ISFP
Gemini

Lol c'mon dude, you look like the love child of David Beckham and Christian Bale, get outta here with that crazy talk 😅😂😂😂

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1

1

Dayna

1 month ago

INTP
Virgo

Hahaha well thank you. Best compliment ive received to date.

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1

0

Michael

1 month ago

INTJ
Cancer

Open up to people. Like youre doing right now but practice in real life as well if you want results. It may sound impossible at first but you can learn how to attract women by being your greatest self. Practice at your own pace talking to both men and women

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4

1

Daniel

1 month ago

INFJ
Cancer

2w3

2

3

^what he said, lol.

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0

0

David

1 month ago

ISTJ
Capricorn

3w4

3

4

I almost entirely quit making the first move... I gett a "hi" is boring but let's be serious here, a lot of people don't put much thought into how they present themselves. Not many proper topics to start a conversation off can be found in peoples profiles. I'd really rather not waste my time on trying to start a conversation and then get no reply or just some one-word-reply that makes it i possible to keep a conversation going... If they'd like to talk to me it's up to them and I'll always reply once i get around to it. Irl it's even worse because I'm blind to some sorts of signals if there even are any. I don't know if there ever was some woman interested in me and tried to show it like that...

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2

2

Andrew

1 month ago

INTP
Pisces

Irl because so many women complain about guys looking at them I got into the habit of trying not to look at women. Once I was driving and there were maybe 12 women standing on the sidewalk next to the street. I parked across the street from them before I ever saw them. I didn't even know they were there until my passenger said, "Those ladies look like they're having a good time". I'd tuned them out that much. Which, as a driver, is incredibly dangerous.

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0

1

Dayna

1 month ago

INTP
Virgo

Haha same i dont bother any more. Not that tried to stare before but now like you said, you just zone them out. Its a sad side effect of the modern times

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0

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Mary

1 month ago

ENTP
Aquarius

4w5

4

5

This is my perspective as a woman who actively tries to start conversation with people she likes. I see a lot of similar sentiment in dating spheres. So I started sending first messages. And if talking ensued I basically have a mental time frame of how long they have until they should ask me on a date. If they don't then I ask them if they ever will. They either take the opening or don't. I also have a zero tolerance policy for anyone who "doesn't have time" to get to know each other or even meet in person. Woman are more and more discerning. Now that I make the first move I realize how many men just don't have the balls for rejection anymore. I am now far more interested if a guy does beat me and make a first move. Another thing is that women are generally gorgeous and more thoughtful when writing their profile. High expectations in society as well as generalized female emotionality definitely fuel that. But I've found grown men with bad hygiene, who don't know how to write a profile to present themselves as desireable. They post nothing worth talking about but are unimpressed with a simple "hello, how's it going". I've found men who only want to talk about themselves and can't carry a conversation. Bottom line is that more women are generally attractive and interesting. Or present themselves to be. They are giving multiple avenues of conversation and attraction. Men are not held to the same high levels of appearance. They don't make their profiles approachable and often times don't even have proper pictures. There is also the societal and cultural expectation for men to take the lead and be providers. While not every woman looks for that specifically, making the first move is an indicator of confidence and capability in a sense, as shallow as that can be. I'm not going to go into the general trauma you go through as a woman on any social platform and how that also effects general engagement.

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2

1

Kitty

1 month ago

INFP
Pisces

2w1

2

1

I don't put any importance in gender roles and who "should" message first. I almost always make the first move. I agree; it's exhausting to put in the effort time and again with very little pay off. But, I stay positive. I think it's because I know the other person is probably feeling just as jaded and frustrated that I try to reach out -- because I don't expect my soul mate to fall in love with me at first swipe (that would be an incredibly unrealistic expectation) , and I'm one of probably thousands of girls that they'll match with. The only way we'll find each other is if someone bites the bullet and says something. Focusing on my ultimate goal, which is to end up with someone who I get along with like no other, gives me the strength to keep getting rejected. It's okay! Clearly, they weren't the person that fills that role.

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2

1

Prairie

1 month ago

INFP
Scorpio

2w1

2

1

Agree with your perspective. Love your grit and positive attitude 😍You go, girl 🙌

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1

0

Brian

1 month ago

ENFP
Libra

7w6

7

6

Sadly man it's a cultural thing. There's just only about two cultures that don't do it. So we are screwed men are expected to make the first move and this is taught to us in hundreds of ways throughout our lives. Basically get comfortable with rejection or get comfortable with loneliness. You can work on it. But it never gets easier. Especially since most people reject without much real thought.

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2

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Todd Howard

1 month ago

ENFJ
Scorpio

7w8

7

8

glad to see am not alone feeling like this

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Jeremy R.

1 month ago

ENTJ
Leo

Great question. You know it has been a dream of mine to have this happen as well so you are not alone. That a woman is so captivated by you that she doesnt shy away from something that she believes will make her happy. Especially when both parties are single. If it happened I would be blown away.

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2

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Moa

1 month ago

INTJ
Scorpio

Same bro same, I think it's time for them to choose, they too picky lol

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2

0

Eric

1 month ago

ISTJ
Cancer

9w1

9

1

I'm tired of showing interest and getting nothing back tbh. Girl keeps bugging me then when I show interest backs off like I need to put on a show. In terms of first moves, sure I'll make them but how many months of getting nothing back does it take?

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