Bereavement

Question

My mum died last year. We didn't talk for over a decade. Her lawyer keeps writing to me recently cos she made me a beneficiary in her will. I'd only want the money if id known she had changed though, otherwise it feels tainted. And I have no way of knowing if she changed so Ive just been ignoring the lawyers increasingly urgent letters.

I guess I'm torn cos idk if turning down money when I'm poor af might be self destructive. Sometimes self destructiveness can creep up out of nowhere.

Jacqueline · Accepted Answer

My opinion take the money and put it into a separate savings, money market, or cd at the credit union. Take your time and figure out what you want to do with it.
My Dad was a complete pos and we were estranged after my parents divorced.  If he left me money I'd do something good with it. Wouldn't change how I felt or how he was at all. He died a few years ago but had a new family. Not surprising nothing for us other than a notice that he passed away...

Joan Vera · Answer

Thats what called mothers love even tho you two didnt talk for over a decade her love to you didnt change she still make sure she will leave you with something you must be greatful of that Chaos is right if you dont like it just get the money and give it to others or just keep it maybe there would come a time that you will need it after all she is your mother whatever reason for you 2 not talking you are still better your mom secure you money before she die unlike us who only been adopt so dont higher your pride you better get it or the lawyer will get it then if something happen that you might need it but its already gone goodluck whatever your mom do to you forgive her she is already die you are better she leave you something unlike me all i experience is bad thing in my Aunty so better forget all the heartache or anger towards your mom goodluck

Gypsy · Answer

A warm hug to you. 🤗. Condolences on your loss. May her soul rest in peace.

Very very true thoughts. Speaks highly of your moral standards.

Perhaps using the money on a charitable activity which your mother favoured. Sponsor poor children's education, health care, etc  would surely ensure that you are keeping the memories alive and also utilizing the money well.

There is so much sadness on this planet. You are a strong person. You can help alleviate some of the pain around you. 🤗

Sabby · Answer

Keep the money but do something with it that is all yours and not anything she would of wanted 🤣 Take the power back from it. Although Jacqueline comment is pretty good too.

Jim · Answer

Hi Nick. Not nice to hear. 
I think you need to accept what happens first before you can move forward. 
Hearing here not for all that time must have made you feel bad, and it’s unfortunate that things didn’t end up different or were sorted. Sometimes we are not the choice of the direction and even we don’t like it, blaming or looking for answers aren’t gone give peace of mind when you weren’t the person of choice over this situation. 
So the only thing we can do is accept the situation and believe that that is the right choice as other choices where not an option. Only worrie about the things you can change.

Second there is no way any act can fill the holes made from the past and by looking at the situation or putting a flag in the sand left or right, maybe feel  like it’s unfair compared to the pain remaining or caused so I understand you being stuck with it.

If you accept the past and try to forgive here for what has happened, you will find peace in mind and be able to let go.

Believe in yourself and love yourself and any child is legally the owner of what there parents leave behind and it will never come close to anything what was neglected to you or what you deserved, but you can’t change it anymore so try to find someone to talk or to help you get this sorted and you can always decide later what to do with it. The lawyer is only doing his job and you have to feel worthy, respected and love yourself and shouldn’t feel bad or guilty for any other related actions which remind you of a negative past as you have the right to move forward and protect yourself, love yourself, like any other person on this planet.

Take the time but remember it’s a matter of feeling, not thinking.  The mind can never allow to unforget. Allow the feelings and accept them as they are and make the bast of what is left and the best is yet to come!!

Hope this might help and good luck! 🍀

Bereavement

Mentalhealth Community

Keep the money but do something with it that is all yours and not anything she would of wanted 🤣 Take the power back from it. Although Jacqueline comment is pretty good too.

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