I forget

I often forget how many difficult emotions and memories i have stuck in my physical body. The past few months I've been releasing my emotions, and thought id reached a place where they were out finally. But all week I've had a sore shoulder and neck, finally got out my back massager to help with the knots in my neck and back, and immediately i was flooded with so many emotions and tears. It was a reminder, I'm not there yet, do not become complacent in the present, keep moving to the future present i want to live in sooner rather than later. I still haven't found a local support group, everything is 40 miles away or online, and i want an in person one so i can have reasons to go out and be amongst the living. It's tiring being the support system, without anything supporting me. It's def getting to me, but i think it's because I'm saying to the universe I'm happy and healthy, and so it has to get me there from where i am, and that's a big as journey, so I'm going to add, I'm getting happier and healthier, easily, so that it can be a another ride than this. Slow and steady is much better for me than just walking thru the fire to get to the other side quickly. No fire for me, thank you. I'm noticing more happier days in between the hard days, and that's a plus I'm grateful for. I'm alive and capable of many things, my youngest is a motivation to be the best versions of me as an example for the future. Life is beautiful and I'm grateful to be alive in this lifetime, in this body, i just have to learn to care for myself since i def was not taught how to do it the best way possible.