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Vin

5 days ago

INTP
Cancer

4w5

4

5

What about you?

A person posted a question about are long distance relationship worth it and it got a ton of replies. Whilst reading through them, i started to wonder if I'm odd lol. The general feeling seemed to be that because a LDR restricts ability to physically be with someone, its not really worth it. Am I the only person who is confused by this? I mean, we live in an age of global communication... You can talk to someone on the other side of the world as easily as you can talk to someone sitting next to you now adays. If the ideas to find someone for emotional reasons, what does physicality have to do with it? I presume these people just wouldn't go for it because it's a long drive to get laid.

favorite

2

14

Dylan

4 days ago

INFP
Gemini

If a relationship is nothing more than sending heart emojis then you can effectively just replace your partner with an AI and it would make no fundamental difference. Also love languages exist and most of them require physical closeness.

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2

2

Justine

4 days ago

INTP
Pisces

Very good point on love languages. But quality time, acts of service and words of affirmation can work online too? It’s only physical touch that you can’t bridge (just yet). But there are disabled people out there who satisfy those needs through virtual worlds and find meaningful connections there, that transform their lives. There’s a brilliant sci fi film, title of which I can’t remember, that solves the last dilemma…. It features a full body suit that would allow you to feel and initiate sensations of touch with another person over VR. Anyone knows which one it is? Early 2000s I think?🤔

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0

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Angie

4 days ago

INFP
Aquarius

1w9

1

9

For me a relationship means a person who can be physically present. To share an experience, time together, laugh together and emotional support if need be with a warm hug. Touch is a powerful connection. Non verbal communications are also shared and read on a deeper level. To sit in front of a screen or listen to that person on the phone is a sort of filter. You have to schedule these types of communications or texting is just too cold. Long distance means not being able to get to know the person as the physical connection is sporadic and you are forever in the so called honeymoon period. Its not real. There is no spontaneity which would happen in the real world.

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1

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Vin

4 days ago

INTP
Cancer

4w5

4

5

I agree with you and frans, at some point it does have to progress and it is nice to be with someone you love, but the girl was a UK girl and the LDRs in question were with guys in UK. If it was a zero chance of time together situation without uprooting your life, then its abit different. But I think if a place is reachable within a few hours, it's really not that much hassle

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0

1

Justine

4 days ago

INTP
Pisces

On your last point, it depends on the lifestyle as a few hours travel there and back is a big time investment for a person with a career? It can mess with the process of getting to know each other gradually, and can fizzle out easily, during the summer, family visits and existing social lives most people like to balance in, while being in a relationship.

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0

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Goran

5 days ago

INTP
Scorpio

5w4

5

4

I find it much easier to talk to people irl where I can see their reactions and understand their emotions. Keeping a conversation over a screen for months sounds more like a chore than pleasure.

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1

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Vin

4 days ago

INTP
Cancer

4w5

4

5

I find it nicer irl, but I wouldnt exclude someone totally because they lived a few hours away. I guess I should have specified this was a UK woman talking about other UK men and LDR... So tiny little country.. Not international relationships or 12 hour journeys to see each other.

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1

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Goran

4 days ago

INTP
Scorpio

5w4

5

4

I wouldn't mind dating someone a few towns over, I could probably see that person once a week and that amount of physical presence would be enough. I also think times we do see each other would be more special because they would be far and few.

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1

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Frans

5 days ago

INFP
Pisces

I understand we live in a world where communication is as easy as taping on a screen for someone els 5000km away to see it instantly, but physicality plays a huge part in a relationship, you build a connection when you are physically with that person. You can connect with someone over the phone but its more on an emotional level in person. If someone needs a hug, because of a bad day or whatever, an emoti of a hug will most certainly not fill that need for human connection. Long distance is still posable tho.

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2

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rhys

5 days ago

ENTP
Virgo

intimacy, affection, camaraderie, what are you talking about?

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1

1

Vin

4 days ago

INTP
Cancer

4w5

4

5

I'm not sure actually, she didn't really specify. But I'm old so old i don't really catagorise the term relationship the same as younger people. It's amazing though. You can start anywhere now!. I am literally so bloody old that to me, relationship means camaraderie that could lead to affection that progresses to intimacy after a while if things go well. What can I say.... I come from the era of the 3 date rule lol. It is a good question though... Relationship dynamics have changed a lot these days.

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0

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Justine

4 days ago

INTP
Pisces

I mean, I understand your sentiment here, and I used to be open to this in the past. However, on two occasions, I’ve invested time and formed a bond with someone who wasn’t who they said they are. The lied and mislead me. Now, I entertain the idea of intellectual discussions and friendliness with someone like minded over distance, but that’s compartmentalised from any intention to see them as a romantic partner. It’s easy to make time for a person in between your daily tasks, as it’s convenient and doesn’t entail much time investment or sacrifices on either part. Having said this, I’ve had LDRs with someone I knew well, as they were a part of my social circle and it developed romantically after I moved away. We both took turns to see each other and it worked out well, until it didn’t (my then partner didn’t take the separation very well and his insecurities led to jealousy that pulled us apart). So for me personally, LDRs are not necessarily a bad idea once you’ve developed trust and emotional connection face to face. But it’s a no-go route to start anythjng lasting, as brain fills in the blanks that wouldn’t be there if you shared the piece of time-space cake together.

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Elly

4 days ago

INFP
Libra

3w4

3

4

I agree with you 100%

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