"Bluff"

Born with brimstone in my chromosomes? A blueprint for the wicked? If every cell's programmed to desecrate, That's deterministic sickness. So, they carved horns in to my skull? Before I had a choice to make? Gave me teeth designed for tearing flesh, But claws that only break? Then what's redemption to a creature Who's anatomy is sin? My lungs were built to breathe in ash, Exhale the discipline of burning But lately, I've been holding back my flame Staring at these hands, Like maybe I could rearrange This musculature of malice Or rewire some divine mistake But I wasn't born, I was assembled In a factory of hate So when I feel the urge to ruin Rising up my spine I have to bite my tongue until it bleeds Then tell myself im fine... I know my father. He's the absence at the bottom of the pit. The CEO of suffering. And I'm the perfect counterfeit. He looks at me with pride Whenever I destroy, I'm the weapon he invested in, His billion dollar boy. But I been skipping shifts. I'm calling out sick from the apocalypse. Reading books about compassion, Trying to swallow it. Choking on the concept, It contradicts my biology My doctors don't take insurance, Cause Hell doesn't cover oncology Of moral cancer And that's exactly what I got. A conscience that's metastisizing, Killing what I'm not. Supposed to question, But I'm sitting with the dissonance Between the monster in the mirror And what I coulda been In different circumstance. I wasn't socialized wrong, I was manufactured flawed. Every instinct is an order And I'm exhausted from following. Can you reprogram the fundamental code? Can you teach a tumor not to grow? I'm asking if there's mercy for the architecture, If the building was constructed Just for a lecture. Yesterday, I passed a church And didn't think to burn it down. Just stood outside and listened to the hymns. Was i trying to learn em now? Then I felt the acid Rising in my throat, My body's own defense, Against intrusion of divinity, My immune system's tense. Rejecting grace, like a bad transplant, My cells attack the cure. But I'm so tired of being certain, I'm experimenting with unsure. What if I starved the beast? Go vegan with the violence? Cold turkey from the torture, And see if I can sit in silence With out plotting someone's ruin Like it's breathing, automatic? My DNA might be a death sentence But I'm filing an appeal to the universe That's static and made me this. Just asking for a glitch, A mutation in the making That could flip some final switch. They say you can't fight your nature, It's embedded in your name. But I've been practicing forgiveness in my mirror It feels strange. Maybe condemnation isn't destiny, just inertia. Feel will is the friction When you fight against that purchase... I'm on the edge of the abyss now, And I'm choosing not to jump. Though these wings were made for falling, I'm calling my own bluff.