"My Muse"

When I first saw him, I won’t say I felt butterflies. I felt my brain dizzy, or that I couldn’t stop thinking. Rather than saying it like that, I don’t even realize that he is the one for me. I saw him once, then twice, and then I visited his world in this world. It was beautiful— unlike anything, anything I had ever seen. I never saw that kind of beauty, never even in my imaginations. And I felt scared. Not because it was more beautiful than my world, but because I started drawing towards it. And then- I never saw him again. I tried to find him. I tried to chase him, to chase after him. I tried to grab it so hard that it wouldn’t leave me. But I couldn’t find him. Not yet. I searched every world, every corner of this world. I thought it would be easy for me to keep something so precious, so elegant, in my hands. But I forgot— my hands are so rough, so strong, that they can break it. And between this journey, I met many people. People who tried to distract me. People who tried to draw my attention towards them. And I started questioning myself: Is it true love? Is it right that I am dreaming about him? Is it fair? What if… what if he never shows me? What if he won’t even look at me? But then— I hear a soft voice from the heavenly realm. It says, “Yes. He is the one.” I saw him in my dreams. I saw him grabbing me tightly and then- I heard him whispering, “Why are you running away? Please Stay, My Love. Let me hold you for once then forever.” And then I stop. I rest my head against his chest and take a deep breath, finally letting go of my worries, my tensions, my unspoken pain. But between this journey, when I met strangers, they made me question everything. Is it true? Is it worth it? What if I am waiting for something that doesn’t even exist? But again— when I see his face, when I see his eyes..., I lost myself in it. I will say— my eyes spark. And a smile reaches my eyes. For a moment, I am lost in it. I start smiling like a fool who won something— a big prize. Even he doesn’t know that I exist. But he will always be my muse— in my poetry, in my stories, in every little place where my heart knows how to speak. And I— I always wished to be his last, to be his forever, even if I am not his first. I won’t blame him. Because we are human. We get distracted. We lose our way. We look at things we were never meant to keep. But love— the word itself— it is something so precious. And I can give it to him blindly, if he promises that he will hold my hand forever, in the presence of heaven.