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psychology
1mo

Do you agree that what shapes us is failure in parenting?

They said I was too silent treatment, easy to get angry, tend not to be able to make decisions, selfish. But do you realize what shapes my personality? As a BDP sufferer, apart from being overwhelmed with my own emotions, I also turn off my emotions sometimes. In my family, when they are angry they always treat me silently, they even vent their emotions or like to shout at me, it is not uncommon for them to be selfish and want me to follow their wishes and understand them. So, what impact do they have on my life? So I have a similar emotional pattern. Treating other people with similar emotions, sometimes I want to scream at my family what they did wrong before pointing fingers at me. But because my family is old-fashioned, they will definitely point fingers in my face. Unlucky! I want to live away from them

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1mo

The beauty of life and getting older, is that we don't have to allow ourselves to contribute to be who we were raised to be. My mother was angry and violent, disrespectful and had ptsd, all my siblings and i grew up with ptsd as well. In my early 20s i saw myself turning on to my mother, and i knew i needed to change. Beginning my healing journey, therapy, self help books, etc, helped me cut out my mother from my life, and all the toxicity she brought in to it. I also cut out most of my 6 siblings for my mental and physical health. Getting distance from them is important, they are not who you have to be.

1mo

Unfortunately, what we see and learn from our first social circle, which is the family in our childhood, ends up becoming our language for how to relate to others. There are coherent and incoherent things; nothing is good or bad. Fortunately, we can unlearn those patterns and ways of relating and create ones that are more coherent with our lives—not with others—but relate differently to the everyday, stop reacting automatically, and choose.

1mo

Your life is almost Identical to mine, my dad was a very angry man growing up, used to yell at me all the time and get angry, could never control his anger and loved to play the blame game, someone always had to be blamed for whatever went wrong and it was never his fault even if he was the only one who could be blamed he would find some way to twist it around on me, eventually I turned into him and we would scream at each other in anger, I got sick of it and moved out, all his life he's been the same, it's only his old age that has settled him down, some parents can be a real pain, how can you look up to your parents when they treat you with disrespect. So I know your pain it's so very frustrating.

1mo

In Laurent Gounelle's book "God Always Travels Incognito," I was particularly struck by the words spoken to the main character when he complained about his difficult childhood and used it to justify his behavior and failures... He was told: "Well... That's certainly sad. But I have good news for you... You've already grown up!"

1mo

Cutting off my ‘family’ was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. My mental health and healing is far better now. 👌

1mo

I agree, it seems to me that you described my mother, but it doesn't terrify me anymore. Just yesterday she tried to vent on me and I responded with at least 30 years of repressed resentment.

1mo

During my teens I realized if I continued my behavior, I would end up dying alone without any friends or loved ones. It was very painful to see how toxic I was, so cold and a reprehensible human being. It took me years on my own and an amazing psychiatrist who let me participate in some studies and try experimental treatments to get to an okay enough point. My family saw my healing as a threat so the contact dropped off naturally.

1mo

I do think that parents play a pivotal role in who we become but, they are not the end all be all of who we are. We humans unconsciously adapt and model who we are around. Friends, coworkers, community members can influence us on a similar level throughout our lives. As an adult you also have the ability to choose role models in a conscious manner and deliberately shape how you behave(to some degree). At least in my own opinion.

1mo

Education and family patterns have a massive impact – but recognition is the turning point. An environment that is emotionally unpredictable can rarely be changed through explanations; those who defend themselves will always just point fingers back. Your desire for spatial distance is the only logical step: Only when you are out of the trigger field does your nervous system have the space to unlearn old survival patterns.

1mo

What shapes is is our response to external and internal stimulus. Whether they are good experience or bad ones, if you don't learn from them you may be doomed to repeat both the good and the bad.

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