Egle

Posted Tuesday, May 24, 2022

1y

ESFJ

Aquarius

The hardest year of my life.

I am not sure why I am writing this here.. maybe i need some emotional suport or show myself vulnerable because in real life - I just cant. At the beginning of the year I ended up a relationship which lasted 11 years. He was my husband and children's father. The person who i wished to grow old with. But things got very complicated after he started an" enlightenment journey " with shamans and so on. Instead of beeing a better version in himself he became the worst. Manipulative narcissus who was abusing me mentaly so much... He started to talk about love without any boundaries, universal love. He got himself in love with another woman and wanted me to accept this and be happy for him. He wanted a free love. And that destroyed me. Shattered my heart and soul. It took a lot of time ans courage to finally believe myself, to believe that i can leave him that i can take care of two little kids by myself. And i finally did it!! It took time to forget, to ajust, to let things go. But i did it. Finally i lived my life fully! I was happy again. Even without him. And bammm.. my health started to colapse. Long story short- the cancer i had 3 years ago came back. It is a very rare form, just s few thousands in the whole world.. It can't be treated but i can live with it until the old age, if i am lucky and aware. So not very dangerous or life threatening. Now i am laying in bed with such a pity. WHY ME? WHY IT ALWAYS HAS TO BE ME?. Two weeks passed after the surgery of radical hysterectomy... no more kids for me. Hello menopause at 30 years old. The recovery is very hard and super painful. I dont know how i am doing all this.. But i am tired and just wanted to spill my heart out. In real life i have to be strong for my family. i am always the one who takes care of them,who is strong and never gives up. I am an optimistic one who believes that eventually everything is going to be ok. But i am so tired of waiting for that eventually...