(Or freeze or fawn) when adversity/struggles arise?
When it comes to otherpeople, I'm a fighter. I don't care what the struggle is or how hard it can be. If I choose that person, I choose them and I will do whatever I can until I can't anymore. Nochallenge is too hard as long as I have my teammate fighting it alongside me.
However, I've noticed that other people don't react the same way. Some would prefer to run away because they see any struggle as a threat, rather than a challenge/hurdle.
I've always collided with people likethis where one or both parties get hurt. And is there a way or a "tell" so I can avoid these situations before they even start?
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🌀𝕬𝖓𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖓𝖞🌀
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The main thing to consider here is experience I think. The more adversity a person deals with, the more mentally prepared they are to take on the fight. Those that haven't developed the experience or strength to take on adversity, does notknow how to handle it. The reason being is because they don't have an answer on how to respond when it calls for it, which leaves them the option to run. Running at its core, is a form of protection. It takestime to rewire the mind to combat the flight response as flight is usually the default option for most (and this is okay!) Experience varies.
Edit: Forgot to include the 2nd portion. In order to avoid colliding with them, asses how they respond in their initial answers towards adversity. If they push back after a certain amount of encouragement or pointers given, it's best to remain neutral and let them have it their way. You can provide as many solutions to a problem, but, if the person is reluctant, there's only so muchwe can do to encourage and provide pointers. It's allup to the person to pursue those ideas
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Matthew
1y
INTJ
Gemini
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Nicole - you ask really hard (thoughtful) questions.
I think part of it comes down to how strong the person sees themselves as. If you are fearful you won't come out of the fight okay, you are more likely to flee, I think.
My youngerbrother and I had opposite reactions to my fathergrowing up. My brother felt he could take on my father and felt he needed to protect my mother. I didn't think I could take on my father and so I tried to not get noticed.
As I have grown, I have been far more willing to fight for what I believe in. I don't often find someonenext to me to fight with me, but I fight my urge to run.
Maybe it's because I realized how my inability to fight hurt my brother. When I was a kid, I was only looking out for myself and was happy he took the heat off me (and prided myself in being cleverenough to escape). But I think as I learned more about my family dynamics, I regretted my reaction.
And maybe I came to believe in my own strength.
Though, there were plenty of times I stood back instead of engaging - choosing to flee and not fight. But I always came to regret that decision.
Fighting takes its toll. My brother had significant mentalhealth issues. And I get to the point where I just have nothing left in me to fight.
Ultimately, I don't know the answer to your question. I feel like fleeing is done out of fear - and I want to live my life out of love, not fear. But then I find I don't have the strength to continue fighting.
How can you tell how someone will react? I don't know. I don't know that you can until it happens.
I always wanted to be the hero ... the onewho when the going gottough, persevered. And I believed I would be that hero when it mattered.
But I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I'm not that hero. I'm not that teammate that can overcome every challenge. I'm the guy who doesn't make it to the finish line.
So, at least everyone can know what kind of guy I am....
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Posted Monday, April 11, 2022
1y
1w2
1
2
What do you think causes a person to choose fight or flight
(Or freeze or fawn) when adversity/struggles arise? When it comes to other people, I'm a fighter. I don't care what the struggle is or how hard it can be. If I choose that person, I choose them and I will do whatever I can until I can't anymore. No challenge is too hard as long as I have my teammate fighting it alongside me. However, I've noticed that other people don't react the same way. Some would prefer to run away because they see any struggle as a threat, rather than a challenge/hurdle. I've always collided with people like this where one or both parties get hurt. And is there a way or a "tell" so I can avoid these situations before they even start?
7
6
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The main thing to consider here is experience I think. The more adversity a person deals with, the more mentally prepared they are to take on the fight. Those that haven't developed the experience or strength to take on adversity, does not know how to handle it. The reason being is because they don't have an answer on how to respond when it calls for it, which leaves them the option to run. Running at its core, is a form of protection. It takes time to rewire the mind to combat the flight response as flight is usually the default option for most (and this is okay!) Experience varies. Edit: Forgot to include the 2nd portion. In order to avoid colliding with them, asses how they respond in their initial answers towards adversity. If they push back after a certain amount of encouragement or pointers given, it's best to remain neutral and let them have it their way. You can provide as many solutions to a problem, but, if the person is reluctant, there's only so much we can do to encourage and provide pointers. It's all up to the person to pursue those ideas
2
0
1y
6w5
6
5
Nicole - you ask really hard (thoughtful) questions. I think part of it comes down to how strong the person sees themselves as. If you are fearful you won't come out of the fight okay, you are more likely to flee, I think. My younger brother and I had opposite reactions to my father growing up. My brother felt he could take on my father and felt he needed to protect my mother. I didn't think I could take on my father and so I tried to not get noticed. As I have grown, I have been far more willing to fight for what I believe in. I don't often find someone next to me to fight with me, but I fight my urge to run. Maybe it's because I realized how my inability to fight hurt my brother. When I was a kid, I was only looking out for myself and was happy he took the heat off me (and prided myself in being clever enough to escape). But I think as I learned more about my family dynamics, I regretted my reaction. And maybe I came to believe in my own strength. Though, there were plenty of times I stood back instead of engaging - choosing to flee and not fight. But I always came to regret that decision. Fighting takes its toll. My brother had significant mental health issues. And I get to the point where I just have nothing left in me to fight. Ultimately, I don't know the answer to your question. I feel like fleeing is done out of fear - and I want to live my life out of love, not fear. But then I find I don't have the strength to continue fighting. How can you tell how someone will react? I don't know. I don't know that you can until it happens. I always wanted to be the hero ... the one who when the going got tough, persevered. And I believed I would be that hero when it mattered. But I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I'm not that hero. I'm not that teammate that can overcome every challenge. I'm the guy who doesn't make it to the finish line. So, at least everyone can know what kind of guy I am....
0
0