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Sarah

18d

INTJ
Pisces

4w5

4

5

Finding "my people" with anxiety.

Don't let the title mislead you into thinking that I am looking for other people with anxiety. I'm not. (Though you're entirely welcome.) I downloaded this app because I knew I needed to reach out - for the sake of my mental health, to build connections I've rarely had... and going out to do such things is terrifying. Of course this comes with a lot of challenges. The first hurdle are the like-spamming perverts and others who are not quite such but disregard anything in my profile. If that stage has been successfully overcome, then I have to talk to a complete stranger, which is less anxiety-inducing than out in the world but certainly not free of it. I could invest a lot of time and undue emotion into someone new because they could potentially be a friend for the rest of my life and that person, potential as they are, deserves my sincerity... but at the same time, it's a screening process. We don't want to waste one another's time if it's going to be fruitless. But meeting these new people, carefully evaluating, trying to give an interesting yet authentic first impression, then finding out that was for naught more often than not is exhausting, especially for an anxious introvert. The benefits are greater than the drawbacks. I've met a couple people I've clicked well with, and they were worth the effort put into to the many others that simply were not "my people"... but still, it is difficult. Do any of you struggle in this way? Any suggestions or words of wisdom?

26

14

Comment

Vivian

18d

INTP
Taurus

5w4

5

4

THIS is exactly me and also the other might be. Look out at many ppl profile some of them have great job, some of them have great bio for their attractiveness which is i don't have, and many set that makes me not confident yet anxious Thank you for represent with these words, wish i could repost it 🙌🏻

6

2

Reply

Tristan Duchesne

18d

ESTP
Taurus

4w5

4

5

Aw dont worry youre very pretty and you seem rly sweet!

0

0

Reply

Eugene

18d

INTP
Capricorn

Feel you on this one😢

1

0

Reply

Kat

18d

ISFJ
Taurus

7w8

7

8

Having the same problem, but unfortunately don't really have any suggestions. Usually I can tell by reading someone's profile, if we have the same weird vibes/chat style, but today I had someone (that I'm pretty sure was a man using a woman's picture) being really gross and pushy, after I clearly stated I was only looking for friends. I was hoping this app would be better than some others I'd tried, but I've only been on it a couple days and it's not looking good so far.

5

2

Reply

Sarah

18d

INTJ
Pisces

4w5

4

5

They are everywhere. You cannot hide from them, only save their lack of judgement with a screencap to show your friends. We've had many a laugh over their behavior even if they didn't intend to be a joke. One really, really wanted to cheat on his wife with me and when called out, insulted then blocked me. That was quite the wasted afternoon.

0

1

Reply

Laurie

18d

INTJ
Capricorn

@Sarah Don't put your face on your profile. Very simple and efficient. The people who will then talk to you will be those who read your profile 😉.

0

0

Reply

Gael

18d

ENFJ
Aquarius

4w5

4

5

I am in the same situation. Trying to make conversation with my coworkers is weird because they are mostly older Filipina ladies, and they dont really have the same mentality as me.

2

1

Reply

Sarah

18d

INTJ
Pisces

4w5

4

5

Well, hopefully Boo ends up beneficial for you. Coworkers are tricky. You need to try to get along with them, but they could be vastly different than you. The mixed perspectives are nice but I can understand why you can't connect with them.

0

0

Reply

Eugene

18d

INTP
Capricorn

I'm here as well for that... To reach out...things ain't the same as it used to be

1

0

Reply

Alfred

18d

INFJ
Aries

I struggle with this too. What I've been doing (which has worked okay-ish for me so far) is to kinda go from being active on these apps for a little while when I feel like I'm up to it, and then taking a break when it gets too much. I'd imagine our experiences are quite different however, because I don't end up talking to a lot of different people. For me it's not the actual talking fizzling out without any sort of deeper connection having been made that demotivates me, but rather just the fact that I don't find much of a reason to stick around. Apparently I'm just not that interested in most people. :/

1

0

Reply

Chris

18d

ISTP
Scorpio

Honestly, guys have to put up with those that put forth zero effort for various reasons, or receive a well thought out message and then just don't bother to respond. Makes one wonder why we are here or why we bother.

0

0

Reply

Ariel

17d

INFP
Gemini

Anxiety is cruel. It tells you the one thing that will help is the poison. As humans we need social interaction, communication, touch, being seen and connected with and to see and connect. I just worry dating apps aren't the way to actually get it. I don't want to burden a potential mate with problems that aren't there's to deal with. Fear is kinda a relationship killer. Anxiety needs to be faced with a loving patient hand but told no, not today when I'm talking to someone. Tomorrow is all yours. And then give yourself a day to freak out after it hits hard.

0

0

Reply

Khang

18d

ISFP
Capricorn

Anxiety/depression gang gang

0

0

Reply

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