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#relationship

#psychology

Lucretia

Posted Friday, September 6, 2024

1mo

ENFP

Cancer

Attachment Type

So, growing up in a place that filled with a lot of fights and unhealthy way to express disagreement, I tend to be someone that people call "people pleaser" just to avoid conflict and bring peace. Somehow my personality always feel attracted to people with avoidant attachment type A LOT. That's why I always feel like I'm the only one who fight for the relationship and give more than I should have. 😔 So many youngsters and people here want to get a real life partner. But to perform and be ready for relationship, you have to be a secure person first! Or at least more secure, healing your own wound so you won't hurt the other.. ✨ or yourself in my case 😂 Knowing your attachment type and embracing your childhood trauma, will help you to be more secure person and more ready for relationship or your independent life. ❤️ #psychology (edited)

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Laura

1mo

INTP

The styles can change with personal growth. It's not that you will stay always avoidant. It changes like everything in life. It's good to know your starting point though.

Martin

1mo

INFP

Scorpio

Ohh I just heard about these a few months back. It helped me understand my girlfriend a lot at the time. But no amount of psychology or relationship advice ever helped me fix that mess 😂😂

Tom

1mo

INTP

One risky thing about how the tests seem to work out is that they seem to ignore the other party. It's not all about childhood trauma in some cases - you may be distant from a romantic partner, not because childhood trauma but trauma with that person that made you distrustful.

1mo

INFP

Sagittarius

Well said. I'm currently in the Fearful Disorganized Attachment style spectrum and what I found most meaningful is that it does not make you any more or less. Yes, we all should strive towards secure attachment styles. But everyone, at any point of the graph is still deserving of companionship and can have it with great fulfilment, so long as we understand and work with each other's attachment styles. That way, we can tend towards secure attachment together.

James

1mo

ENTJ

Taurus

The biggest thing is being able to identify your paradigms which you show the ability to do. You understand your upbringing and the impact it has had on your psychology and the way you approach relationships. This is a huge step. You demonstrated the strength and intelligence to see this, so you should be proud of that. Unfortunately, many of us try to use our personal relationships to "right the wrongs" of our upbringing and family dynamics. This is why so many of us end up with people that are just like the people that have negatively effects us in our childhood. We are actually trying to overcome that family relationship failure by selecting someone new (yet similar) to that person. If we can make this new relationship work, it will supplement our need of fixing the past relationship failure. It's like a subconscious validation that does nothing but keeps you in a toxic hamster wheel that either fails or leads to abuse. Worse, every subsequent relationship failure only compounds the feeling of rejection and failure. This continues to erode your self-worth, fear of rejection, and feeling of failure. This is your next big step, to break that paradigm and free yourself from the past baggage for good. Your childhood trauma was never about you, it was the actions of irresponsible adults that suffered their own traumas and decided to not only live in their baggage, but also expose and imprint children to it. It is not your cross to bear, it does not define the person you are, or affect the value you possess as a person. Keep working to free yourself from the bondage, challenge yourself to go against the false guided attractions set by your paradigms, and learn to greater value and love yourself. You deserve to be happy and a greater love and value for yourself will push you to pursue the high quality individuals that will lead you to a partner that will supply a stable, loving and secure relationship.

Deere

1mo

ESTJ

Leo

I was just wondering do you think that's why we are clumsy? I use to walk in a wall on my way through a door or down a hall, hit it hard enough to get others attention, spin off and keep going. Sometimes I left a dent. Just wondering if that stress makes us less accurate in how we move.

Udit

1mo

INFJ

Sagittarius

Great post! 👌🏾 V honest and also informative 👍🏾 ... i used to he an Anxious type but I'm now a relatively Secure type.. but i still often fall for Disorganized type.. i don't know why.. though I prefer Secure type.. and my lasting relationships are usually with Secure types.. those are the ones with whom i form the most lasting, meaningful, satisfying relationships. (edited)

Utpal Tripathi

1mo

ISFJ

Capricorn

Thank you for sharing this. I can definitely relate to what you said about growing up in a tough environment and how it shapes the way we handle relationships. It’s really challenging when you feel like you’re the one giving more and fighting harder for the connection. 😔 I completely agree with you about the importance of becoming secure in ourselves before entering a relationship. Healing those past wounds is so important, not only for us but for our future relationships too. It’s great that you’re embracing this mindset—it’s inspiring! 🌱 Wishing you strength and growth on your journey. Keep focusing on that self-awareness and healing—it really makes a difference. ❤️

Maxz

1mo

INFJ

Taurus

Life is all about growth after all. It's often uncomfortable, messy, and full of feelings you weren't expecting. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘳𝘺.

Kenny

1mo

ISTJ

Virgo

Definitely: Secure

Jeff Wolfe

1mo

ISTJ

Capricorn

How about we just talk I'm a peaceful kind of guy

Krish

1mo

ESTP

Cancer

Lucretia*

SpikyOrion

28d

INFJ

Virgo

Yikes, yeah gotta work on it

Krish

1mo

ESTP

Cancer

Great info, thank u for sharing, Lucretua

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This. 🙌🖤💯

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