It’s my first time to date someone who is incredibly smarter than me. When I told him, “Did you know I discovered this good band, it’s an indie one…” to which he replied, “Is that all you ever do? Listen to music?” What does it mean? Why did it hurt me? Do you have advice on how to not feel insecure? I kinda like this guy. Edit: I didn’t know this post could blew up. For most of the comments, it happened while we were walking downtown. He’s not in a bad mood, but maybe tired. He always shares his hobbies and what he does during his free time (tennis, work..) It’s just my first time to share something like that and was hoping he will ask me which band it is. I guess I’m a little surprised by what he replied instead. I think he’s smarter than me coz he got into a good university, has a high paying job, one of scholars and accomplished more than I can. We’re both in the same field and he’s younger than me by 3 years. (edited)

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INFP

Cancer

It hurt you because while you like music, it is not the only thing you do. And he knows that too. Yet, he decided to make a sarcastic comment, while you just wanted to share something you enjoyed.

INTJ

Leo

Time to think about making a choice, I guess. Stick with him, accepting that not only are your interests probably not shared by him, but he considers them wastes of time? Or... just cut your losses now and duck out? It's common for couples to not be interested in all the same things...and it's a good thing, because expressing those interests around each other can in turn help each person grow. Personally, I'd take that kind of reaction towards your trying to share something as a warning sign of sorts. Him not sharing one of your interests is fine; borderline ridiculing you for being enthusiastic about it is not fine.

ISTJ

Virgo

Okay I think I have my thoughts together. I am smart (don't let my inability to type on a phone fool ya,). Like mensa would take me smart. I got an engineering degree without studying or taking notes. I am not just bragging I will get to a point. Its a type of intelligence. It isn't the only type of intelligence. Its not the most important type of intelligence. I don't think any type is more important than another. Society functions on all sorts of types of intelligence. I couldn't write a great piece of music or movie or anything. I couldn't create a great gameplay loop. I couldn't tell anyone what makes an indie band special. No one is lessor for having a different type of intelligence. Be careful of people who think that way. Especially the "smart ones".

INFP

Leo

That also sounds like he's being rude. There's a lot involved with music period if you want to go in depth with it. But still, does all he do is criticize others? Show this guy the depth of your personality, your interests and thoughts. But also, don't ever assume anyone is smarter than you. He may be better in some ways, but that doesnt mean you lack abilities in anyway. I personally think he sounds like he will eventually become a headache to deal with. Hard to please which may cause you to doubt yourself Even if you don't feel it, fake confidence around him. Laugh and show him the ways you enjoy life. That's your best bet.

INTP

Here’s some advice on handling these feelings: 1.Communicate Openly: Share how his comment made you feel. Sometimes people are unaware of how their words impact others, and a conversation can clear up misunderstandings. 2.Recognize Your Worth: Remember that your interests and passions are valuable, regardless of others' opinions. Everyone has unique qualities that contribute to a relationship. 3.Focus on Common Ground: Find areas where you both connect and build from there. Shared interests and experiences can help bridge gaps. 4.Work on Self-Esteem: Engaging in activities that boost your confidence and remind you of your strengths can help counteract insecurities. 5.Reflect on the Relationship: Assess whether the relationship dynamics are supportive and respectful. Mutual respect is crucial for a healthy relationship.

ENFJ

Aries

It's possible you're interpreting his behavior as condensending due to your insecurity. Give some grace and if he really makes it clear he's talking down to you, tell him you don't appreciate it.

INFJ

Gemini

And what did you replied, when he asked you like that?

INFP

Aries

I think while you love him and give him attention and love, he doesn't have the same love language you do. I hope he either learns to appreciate your interests and sacrifices whatever it is he'd be sacrificing to at least pretend to be excited with you about your music or that you find someone like him that also gets excited about music like you do

INTP

That's not a smart people thing, that's a rude people thing.

ISTJ

Gemini

That is very belittling. Has there been any other times where he has done this? How engaging is he in your interests or is it always about his own? Could be a sign of a narcissist personality type. Which is more likely to be abusive or dismissive of a partner. (edited)

ESTJ

Libra

I'd just move on.

INTP

Cancer

Yeah, but...what is the band?🤔

INFP

Virgo

🥺

INTP

Leo

Well that doesn't sound like a particularly nice thing to say, but I obviously can't know, because I wasn't there to witness his reply and I'm not him to know what exactly he meant by it — maybe you could ask him and if his answer is okay with you, the two of you could keep on hanging out (plus it could help you feel better), but if his answer hurts your feelings, you could (if you so wish) tell him that maybe it's best you two part ways. Now, I'm obviously not you and I don't know you as a person, so I can't say why that makes you feel insecure, but I feel that a comment like that might hurt anybody, because no one is one-dimensional. You're not weird for being hurt and it would be healthy if you two can talk about it, so you can both feel okay about it (or not and you notice this before it becomes a bigger issue).

ISTP

Cancer

What's the band?

ESTJ

Pisces

If you're throwing away your feelings to like someone, I don't think that's going to be a good run.

INFP

Sagittarius

He is not worth your time, and you deserve someone better.💖

INTP

Virgo

Your last phrase explain why he triggers your insecurities, you are both in the same field and you believe he accomplished more than you can, even though he is younger... So the question you should ask yourself is does it matter? Is it a bad thing that he accomplished more?

ISFJ

Virgo

🚩

INFJ

Virgo

Dump his ass, never let him or anyone else disrespect you.

ENFP

Capricorn

Could try having an honest conversation about it with him. That answer was rude and hurtful. To feel less insecure try using logic thoughts instead of emotional. There is no need to compare yourself to others, it's just not healthy nor does it matter!

INTP

Taurus

That dude has no business snapping at you like that.

ENFJ

Sagittarius

It shows he doesn't truly respect you as you respect him. You deserve better.

INTJ

Virgo

What a rude thing to say to a girl. I apologize for that unsavory behavior. 🤦🏻‍♂️ idk why he would say that. You’re not insecure, that would make anyone feel bad.

INFP

What a rude thing to say

ENFJ

Taurus

You were hurt because he was straight up rude. What he said was disrespectful and condescending. Massive red flag. I'd move quick and feel good that you dodged a bullet. If he can be that rude to you in the beginning (that's when people are putting in the most effort) I worry about how he'll continue to treat or neglect you. Good luck, girl.

ISTP

Cancer

Don't. I understand there are things you like about him but if he thinks you only listen to music and talks to you like that about it then what does he like about you. Don't take the bait. He is not a good person. Good people will not treat you like that. Don't walk away. Run away. He isn't as smart as you think he is... because there's no emotional intelligence in that comment.

INFP

Scorpio

I'll aay what I'm thinking and you'll know if it rings true for you. When I hear someone says something like that, it feels dismissive of an attempt to create a connection, instead of opening the conversation for a deeper understanding of each other. If this rang true, I hop you can address this with him and you both work out in the long run, but if he's dismissive again that may be tricky.

INFP

Virgo

Firstly, you've no reason to feel insecure. People enjoy talking about the things they like. If for you, that's music, good. That being said, if all you ever talk about is music, I can see the frustration. But there are nicer ways to say it, for certain. Here's my advice: Tell him that what he said hurt your feelings. He needs to apologize, without you asking him to apologize. Relationships are also about compromise though. Ask him what he meant by that question. He may have meant to ask you about other topics but just came across in a really rude way. Finally, protect yourself. Narcissistic people prey on insecurities. No matter what he says, no matter what he tells you, you're important and you matter, not just to him but to the world and to yourself. If he doesn't apologize for hurting your feelings or if he starts blaming you for your emotions, run!

INTP

Gemini

Very odd response to a very human thing to do. You shouldn't be ashamed for listening to music, he should use his words more carefully. If he's capable of making you insecure this early on in whatever you want to engage in, then who's to say he won't be huring you at a later point

INTJ

Pisces

Did you talk about music a lot prior to that comment? Maybe he just finds the topic boring? That was a twat thing to say, but some people are like that and don't think much of it. Depends on what kinda environment he grew up in, maybe his friends or family do that to him and he thinks thats normal.

ESTP

Pisces

This is a huge red flag. Run before you get more involved with him.

INTJ

Aquarius

When you think someone knows better than you, you'll value their words & feelings over your own. In such circumstances, you'll always feel bad when someone makes you feel you shouldn't enjoy something you do. When it comes to yourself though, you know best. Even if you don't, the only way to learn how to trust yourself to that extent is practice.

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Why does he trigger my insecurities?

Relationshipadvice Community

It hurt you because while you like music, it is not the only thing you do. And he knows that too. Yet, he decided to make a sarcastic comment, while you just wanted to share something you enjoyed.

It's possible you're interpreting his behavior as condensending due to your insecurity. Give some grace and if he really makes it clear he's talking down to you, tell him you don't appreciate it.

And what did you replied, when he asked you like that?

That's not a smart people thing, that's a rude people thing.

That is very belittling. Has there been any other times where he has done this? How engaging is he in your interests or is it always about his own? Could be a sign of a narcissist personality type. Which is more likely to be abusive or dismissive of a partner. (edited)

I'd just move on.

Yeah, but...what is the band?🤔

🥺

What's the band?

If you're throwing away your feelings to like someone, I don't think that's going to be a good run.

He is not worth your time, and you deserve someone better.💖

Your last phrase explain why he triggers your insecurities, you are both in the same field and you believe he accomplished more than you can, even though he is younger... So the question you should ask yourself is does it matter? Is it a bad thing that he accomplished more?

🚩

Dump his ass, never let him or anyone else disrespect you.

Could try having an honest conversation about it with him. That answer was rude and hurtful. To feel less insecure try using logic thoughts instead of emotional. There is no need to compare yourself to others, it's just not healthy nor does it matter!

That dude has no business snapping at you like that.

It shows he doesn't truly respect you as you respect him. You deserve better.

What a rude thing to say to a girl. I apologize for that unsavory behavior. 🤦🏻‍♂️ idk why he would say that. You’re not insecure, that would make anyone feel bad.

What a rude thing to say

Very odd response to a very human thing to do. You shouldn't be ashamed for listening to music, he should use his words more carefully. If he's capable of making you insecure this early on in whatever you want to engage in, then who's to say he won't be huring you at a later point

Did you talk about music a lot prior to that comment? Maybe he just finds the topic boring? That was a twat thing to say, but some people are like that and don't think much of it. Depends on what kinda environment he grew up in, maybe his friends or family do that to him and he thinks thats normal.

This is a huge red flag. Run before you get more involved with him.

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DONT LET THINGS YOU ALREADY KNOW MAKE YOU MAD . control yourself, play the game

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