Before looking for the one, be the one.

Question

We keep wanting for love that never fails, never cheats, loyal, faithful, emotionally available, consistent, fights for you, patient, kind, never gives up.... And we keep wishing and asking where is it? Maybe it's not for me? Maybe love never exists? Maybe I'm not to love and be loved? Maybe others are more blessed than me and I'm just miserable? Maybe.... Maybe.... Maybe..... And all these unending questions, assumptions, analysis and thoughts forgetting an important thing: yourself. 
This is not about ego or selfishness, it's not about being the center of attention, never. But have you stopped for once and looked into the mirror? Instead of pointing fingers at others? Have you really and truthfully and with a humble heart examined who you truly are? 
You want loyalty, while your eyes wandering around
You want kindness, but you're rude to others
You want presence and patience, yet you're impatient 
You want to be fought for, yet on a small one mistake you never forgive and you give up easily on people around you
You want love, yet you're empty inside. 
Think about it, for once, be honest with yourself, and think about it.

Bjjorick · Accepted Answer

Well, at the end of the day, the only person who's going to be there all through your life is yourself. So yes, putting time, energy, and effort into yourself is ALWAYS advised.

Regardless, I do require loyalty and give it in return. Kindness is nice, but kind to whom? The person I'm with? If they're planning to invest in the new 'hawktua bitcoin', I'll happily tell them they've lost their mind. Kindness isn't a shield to support another's bad choices. If that's rude, so be it. I expect the same in return.

And for 'betrayal in a relationship and the difficulty of forgiving' — absolutely. It comes down to a very simple equation. They have access to my heart, and they hurt me. Willingly. Can I trust them to never do this again?

If the answer is not 100% yes, why would you forgive and forget, only to allow yourself to be hurt further?

Dinesh · Answer

That's the bitter truth 👍👸

𝑨𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒍.. · Answer

Beautifully said...
The kind of love we hope to find often begins with the kind of person we choose to become. It’s easy to make a list of what we want from someone but much harder and far more meaningful.. to honestly ask ourselves if we embody those same qualities. Real love isn’t about finding someone perfect.. it’s about becoming someone capable of giving, receiving, protecting and nurturing something genuine. Self awareness is where that journey begins and perhaps the most beautiful kind of love is the one that starts within before it ever reaches another heart.

Ruben · Answer

Interesting reflection, although I think that on its own this idea represents only a part of the source of frustration and dissatisfaction of dating app users for over a decade now. There is relevant evidence about a technical and commercial aspect in the digital infrastructure, which creates a harmful conflict of interest between the user's purpose and that of the company offering a given platform. There is an inversely proportional relationship between the estimated revenue of a set X of men (not out of machismo but because all men pay sooner or later to remotely increase the % of interactions that go from a voyeur wasting his time to an aspiring real interaction that, even paying for platinum memberships, has a ratio of contacted profiles between hundreds and thousands of attempts for a couple of chats, of which for reasons I won't delve into now are fractioned to grant a rarely higher hope of a date than 0.0...something of meeting someone someday. If we add the failure in the objective with the time dedicated to obtaining a measurement that allows for an objective evaluation of the experience, the result is a frustrating, irritating, and devastating steamroller of self-esteem for potential partners who, in the long run, stop believing that they will ever overcome a mechanism they perceive as hostile and exhausting, leading to resignation in countless cases, including mine. It wasn't always like this. The model inflated to squeeze the niche turned into an oligarchy of the heart, which one day we will study as a co-cause of relational decline on a sociological level globally.

That said, the truth has more than one angle from which to observe it. From the experience of women, I dare to visualize the problem as pieces of a Lego, so that the analogy is graphic and descriptive. If the male is in front of a slot machine and a self-esteem of denial and automatic rejection that he cannot understand with the available information. The woman receives on average a quantity of interests from men so superior to her experience in the physical world, as to boost her ego with that previously mentioned inverse proportionality, in relation to her counterpart. She ultimately can not only be more selective and choose calmly among those she thinks suit her best, but it seems that she pleases no less than 80% of all active members on the other side of the app. This flow ends up overwhelming those who cannot, and ultimately do not want to respond to everyone, some because they are trash, and others because faced with so much offer, the level of attention mutates regarding a condition of relative scarcity or alternation between given situations. The result was explained by an attractive content creator, inevitably a victim of a system that, when perverted, generates a dysfunctional asymmetry in the long term that ended the goose that laid the golden eggs of the sector. The evidence of the distortion was underscored by parallel trends on social media. Men objectively regarded as desirable by the largest number of women acquired a status of enhanced privilege, which multiplied their ego and gave strength to a false narrative that remains current with implications far beyond couple relationships, which I will ignore here. The fact is that, in more or less reliable figures, the perceived and accepted reality among social media users is that between 1 to 5% of men receive all the attention from those women who seek them with a simplified criterion based on everything explained up to this point. The result is that the vast majority of them even accept profiles they would never accept on the street, just to see how much value they have lost in the love market, if they still have any left. And the privileged access, by status, to a buffet of love makes it so that no partner can be taken seriously, because the pressure to access it is so great that commitment to a woman with an enhanced ego is seen as an unnecessary burden, since there will always be another who will accept what the previous one did not want. Here come the final nuances. Like the classic Ponzi scheme pyramids, a few obtain a return greater than what is objectively deserved, and that means a degree of real power in the social fabric that is reinvestable in social media, where fame is child's play or like fishing in a pond full of tightly packed fish (sport fishing). You can invite stunning women and humiliate them with speeches between the provocative and other attributes I will avoid. And what happens? Those women who self-perceive as "tens" leave crying or defeated in front of the type of men they have elevated to the highest status in the male world. All this without yielding an inch on the contempt of the 90% that contains the % of men who may be worth more than those they elevated but now seem little due to the exceptional situation created between the bubble of dating apps, and the socioeconomic factor that has always been present throughout modernity, based on the meritocratic myth, the success of the handsome, the rich, those who are both, and those who are well connected. Now in the select group of privileged, all women are added since they all have star numbers in terms of perceived desirability in their apps (which are the modern Cinderella mirror

Before looking for the one, be the one.

Relationshipadvice Community

That's the bitter truth 👍👸