Why does someone ghost?

Question

So coming from a recent situation where I was talking to someone on bumble, we exchanged contact info, then continued chatting and agreed to meet up next week, then suddenly they just never read the last message I sent them. No biggie I thought, they may just have gotten busy and not replied, so I waited until I was done with everything for the day and it was later in the evening. My message still wasn't read (probably like, 10 hours after it was sent.) So I sent another one just asking if they had any plans they were looking forward to this weekend. Message still never read, but it was late so I figured maybe they went to bed. Following day goes by, messages still aren't read, so then the next day I send them a message saying, it's ok if they don't want to use English whenever they talk to me(their still learning), that's totally fine, they don't need to feel any pressure. Thinking maybe they had just expended all their batteries.

That message has also not been read, and now I'm just going to leave it at that until close to the day we had talked about meeting and sending them a final message like, hey, was looking forward to meeting, if you changed your mind that's totally fine, I'd just like to know one way or the other, no pressure.

But to me, it just seems weird to ghost someone AFTER moving from a dating app to your usual contact info.

Marine · Accepted Answer

So much people unsafe in this comment area. I'm sorry you've been ghost.

As a person who ghost and ghosted I'm not a "crazy who needs an hospital room" but I suffer from anxiety and social anxiety and multiple trauma and fear of abandonment and things like that. Yes I try to not bother people with it - my problems not their. And so when I look forward to meet new people because I'm feeling alone and I want to improve my quality of life and I want to not let my problems define me... I don't win often. It's more like "how that's gonna be real soon" filled with an astonishing pressure on my chest and like I need to run NOW. 
If I ghosted people I talked with for long it's probably because of feeling and how broken up I was and still am. Doesn't make an excuse but you was looking for some point of view.

And that's the point if they had problems in their life of any type the virtuality was a confort and confront to the reality soon maybe a trigger for said problems.

If you have subjectively don't did and said anything unsafe (it's probably the case as you talk about it in your publication) the problem is not you and as it can be I truly hope you can be okay or at least emotionally better about it. 
Remember that sometimes it's precisely the safety and interest I feel for someone that's make me run because I harder to have the bravery to love and don't listen our problems than to run away.

Kristopher Doekhie · Answer

It might be a defence mechanism to some when suddenly reality hits them hard and you get closer to actual face to face meeting... and people might withdraw then because of the pressure, trust issues, certain trauma's of the past or other emotional/mental issues and disorders...

They might have found someone else, plenty of reasons honestly, but in the end my advice... move on, from your story, you definitely tried to do everything in your power and any kind of possible (platonic and beyond) relationship needs commitment from both sides and mutual trust.

Best of luck in your search! Everyone deserves happiness ✨️ plenty of people out there, but finding the right one might take some trial and error.

Elliott · Answer

If you didn't do anything offensive (subjective), or out of line (also subjective), after some duration of decent conversation, then it just comes down to disrespectful people exercising their privilege of choice.

They have options, so you're easily and disrespectfully forgotten or ignored. You've become a throwaway blip in their socially vampiric escapades as their dismissive actions continue to conflict with their pseudo-empathetic values.

Sarah · Answer

I wouldn't bother with another message. If they don't send you anything again before the day/time you're supposed to meet, then count the "date" as cancelled.

By the title I have a whole rebuttal, however, this type of situation I have no defense for.

This is the type of behavior that "ghosting" should only be used for and is rude as hell.

If there's ANY reason you suddenly don't want to go thru with a planned meeting, then say so! You're absolutely allowed to change your mind, and feeling too nervous is a valid reason to push the meeting.

My condolences for you having to go thru this, but cut your lose and find someone else to converse with.

Ryles · Answer

I'd just leave it alone at this point. We will never know the reason why somebody decided to go ghost on someone.

Find somebody who will respect you and your time.

Why does someone ghost?

Relationshipadvice Community

I'd just leave it alone at this point. We will never know the reason why somebody decided to go ghost on someone. Find somebody who will respect you and your time.

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