Brittany

3mo

ISFJ
Leo

6w5

6

5

You know you're growing apart, but what do you do?

I need some help. Suppose you've regularly spent time with someone for the past year and a half, they've met your family and things were great... In the beginning. Then life happens, and it's pushing you apart. Do you try to save the relationship? Do you just let it go and deal with all the questions from your family? Is trying to save it harder emotionally than letting go? How long do you keep trying to hold it together? IDK what to do next.

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14

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Will

3mo

INTP
Pisces

This is why communication is important in a relationship. You need to be having this conversation with your partner, not the internet. Clarify what you both want and how you both wish to continue the relationship going forward.

1

12

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Brittany

3mo

ISFJ
Leo

6w5

6

5

I have spoken with them many times. I always get the answer of "I'm sorry. I'll try to better." How many times do I have the same conversation before I throw in the towel?

0

1

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Will

3mo

INTP
Pisces

@Brittany What specifically are you looking for? Have you told them, say, that you want to do date night once a week? Talk on the phone once a day? Simply saying "I have vague feelings about not being happy" and then getting a response of "I'll try to fix that" isn't communicating. What exactly do you want to change in your relationship? Be specific.

0

1

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Brittany

3mo

ISFJ
Leo

6w5

6

5

@Will I have given very specific examples of what I don't want to continue. I've given very specific suggestions of what I'd like to happen. I have even explained the reasoning behind the things that I'm expressing. I've told them that I don't like this because it makes me feel this way and doing this will reassure me in this way. I've honestly given it my best effort.

0

1

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Will

3mo

INTP
Pisces

@Brittany Then what more do you need to know?

0

1

Reply

Brittany

3mo

ISFJ
Leo

6w5

6

5

@Will I don't want to just give up. That's not in my nature. I'm a fixer. I'm holding I hope that something might change. Letting go feels like I failed. I blame myself for not being good enough. I obsess over what I did wrong. I want to make every effort to get things similar to the way they used to be.

0

2

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Will

3mo

INTP
Pisces

@Brittany So you just wanted someone to tell you to keep plugging away at a failing relationship you already know is a failure? Go you! Waste your time! Be unhappy! Yay!

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2

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Brittany

3mo

ISFJ
Leo

6w5

6

5

@Will Wow... You don't have to be a jerk about it. I know it's irrational. That's why I was looking for advice, not judgement. If I wanted someone to be rude and judgmental I could have just talked to my family.

0

2

Reply

Jen

3mo

ISFJ
Libra

1w9

1

9

@Brittany It's up to you how long you want to continue. Everyone has a limit. Letting go is not failing ... sometimes it is acceptance. It's not up to you to fix everything. <<hugs>>

0

0

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CherokeeFire

3mo

ISTJ
Aquarius

2w3

2

3

@Brittany This is why I said it has to be a choice for YOU, only you know when you're ready to let go. If you want to keep going, stay in it. When you see that he's not making an effort and you're tired of being the only one invested in that relationship, it's ok to let it go because who wants to stay with a person like that when you can be with someone who reciprocates?

0

0

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CherokeeFire

3mo

ISTJ
Aquarius

2w3

2

3

Well, I was trying to work it out with my ex, I tried for 2 years and he wasn't responding, he didn't want to do counseling and when I made the choice to choose me and be happy, I told him I wanted a divorce. I'd made up my mind, but now he wanted to talk, go to counseling, etc. It was too late. I gave him 12 years of my life, don't give him what he isn't willing to give you. You have to do what's best for YOU, not everyone around you, they may like him but they aren't the ones WITH him. 🤷🏻‍♀️ When the questions come, my simple answer was... "We grew apart, it just didn't work out." You don't owe anyone an explanation. It's YOUR life to live and you deserve to be loved, appreciated, comforted, encouraged, supported and loved by your partner. Don't settle for less.

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