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Universes
Posted Thursday, January 19, 2023
1y
ENFP
Leo
Talking about ‘the ones before you’ … 😳
Does anyone else cringe at the thought (or reality) of your current partner asking you about your previous ‘bed activity’ experience? As in, where you’ve done it? Or, how many partners you’ve had? Is it just me, or does this feel super cringey. 😵💫🫣🙈 (edited)
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Jaimee
1y
ENFP
Aquarius
It depends on why they’re asking. My ex and I asked those questions in a fun getting to know each other way. We didn’t see that kind of history as something worth judging someone over. I think if someone took issue with my history then at least we know right away that we’re not compatible.
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0
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Yunus_Soul
1y
INTJ
Gemini
In my opinion, it isn't cringey. I think it's important to discuss about how many sexual partners you had, to see if you both are compatible. A person with a high body count is more likely to be disloyal, dishonest, also not having respect for themselves & so on, also might've a bunch of destructive habits etc. A person with a low body count, you can be somewhat comfortable with because you see this person has a person, that has somewhat self respect for themselves, loyal, honest & so on. I think it's important to discuss your past relationships, more sense towards the number of bodies you had, to see what type of habits you had, the qualities & everything. The past will always haunt you, depending on what you did, hid etc.
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18
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Andrew
1y
ISTJ
Virgo
It depends on how it's presented. It's a crucial conversation to have even if it's uncomfortable. The key is that it should be done to learn more about a person and not to shame or belittle them. The timing of the question also matters...since egos can get involved.
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0
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Val
1y
INTJ
Taurus
Usually it comes off as childish. Not by its self cringe, but heavily dependent upon the personality of my partner and relationship dynamics. It becomes cringe if people push for specifics and details. Everyone has a past and its reasonable to be curious of who your partner was or what they did before you. The problem is many use such things to convince themselves they know everything about you to justify their avoidence of actually learning who you are today. People are a constant work in progress and for me my past is in the past for a reason. I joke about my past because at some level it makes me appreciate what I have come from to get to this point. I don't mind admitting I have a past. We're fullgrown adults so Id be a bit creeped out to find Im dating virgin mary full of just grace. I do find it insulting to ask for exact numbers even jokingly or when, where, and how because thats giving it place in my present day. There's no good answer to the whenwherehow questions. If you enjoy something with someone else youre magically expected to like it with them. When you admit your traumas it changes the way they look at you and if you try to hide them all together youve betrayed/lied to them if they find out in the future. Its why I tell partners: My dating history is like a police line up and my sexual history is essentially a serial killer. Yes, there's bodies hidden everywhere but they're dead to me. Don't go digging them up and I won't have to reality check your plausible deniability. :)
2
0
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Shane
1y
ISFJ
Gemini
I'm not even bothered to ask about it.🤷 But yeah it's just bleh
2
0
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Mishal
1y
ISFP
Libra
Super cringy Don't answer that question. If he needs something to get off on let him supply the entertainment
2
0
Reply
☀🌿 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴 🌿☀
1y
INTP
Sagittarius
1:01
2
0
Reply
Tony
1y
ENTJ
It's interesting to see the range of responses to this question. I honestly can't answer because I don't know. My wife and I were each other's first and only which is rare. I wouldn't think it would bother me to talk about it if it wasn't the case but that's only speculation.
1
0
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Rin
1y
INFJ
Capricorn
Talking about your past relationships and experiences, and letting the other person know how you felt about them, is actually a great way to communicate to each other about what you would like to see in your current relationship. It's just like discussing what kind of food you like or don't like, or how you do or don't like to be touched, and what kind of conversations you would like to have. It might seem embarrassing, but being honest and opening up to the other person, by letting them know about your experiences, can be a good relationship builder. Even the awkward moments about the sex parts, if you don't talk about it, your partner could end up repeating all the things you didn't like in the past, or they could miss out on doing the things you do like. It's fine if you don't want to share right away, but the more you hold back... just be aware that not telling them can also hurt the relationship or keep it from growing. It's ultimately up to you to share and decide what you do or don't want them to know, but don't be too afraid. Some vulnerability is well worth the risk. Now, wanting to know exactly how many partner's you've had can be a sign of jealousy, depending on the nature of the conversation and those involved. Then, it can get cringy. So this is probably a conversation best left for after you two have already spent plenty of time getting to know each other. It might seem like a good date opener, but that just shows how little they care about the present and can get obsessed with the past. In the beginning, you should stick to the present by talking about who you two are right now, not who you were X number of years or months ago. Even talking about what your desired future's is an infinitely better subject at that point in the relationship. Some people may argue that asking someone about "how much experience they've had" is important to find out early on, but I'd say that only work for one night stands and you can't really trust what they say at that point anyway 🤷♂️ In a real relationship, it shouldn't matter how much experience you've had because you can add to it any time you want, as much as you want, in the current or new relationship.
1
0
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Lil
1y
ESTP
Capricorn
Uh ohhh i could type a lot about this but long story short, i was my ex's first and he wasnt and through out the whole relationship he would say but " its still upsetting that im not your first i always wanted a girl where im her first" 💀 like why you keep trying with mee thennn i would compliment him and he be like "is this what you used to say to the guys before me"🤦🏻♀️
1
0
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Mishal
1y
ISFP
Libra
You don't miss cringe
1
0
Reply
Nitish prabhakar
1y
ISFP
Cancer
Well I don't think so,anyone feel cringey if there is someone like u around them😊😊
1
0
Reply
Braden Kerney
1y
INFP
Pisces
Yeah no its extremely awkward and very uncomfortable to talk about ones previous sexual activities, unfortunately in most cases its not a conversation that is easily avoided.
1
0
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Damian
1y
ISTP
Aquarius
Its fine with me
0
0
Reply
Fox
1y
ENFJ
Capricorn
Is this a move?
0
0
Reply
Pink
1y
INFJ
Leo
@Soul
4:24
0
0
Reply
Pink
1y
INFJ
Leo
5:00
0
0
Reply
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