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rhys

1 month ago

ENTP
Virgo
why me

i can't validate my friend's feelings without sending him further into delusion. i can't invalidate my friend's feelings because he has a thousand traumatic experiences to blame his behavior on and i, "just don't understand;" that, or he agrees with me, but then we're having the same conversation the next day. i can't just sit there and listen to him talk because that also lends itself to validation instead of reflection. where is this going? obviously i'm gonna have to sit here and watch this complete insanity boil over, so can someone tell me how this is going to end? he has this unhealthy fixation on a girl at work because she's nice to him for five minutes here and there. he's so infatuated with her, and when she doesn't fit that idea of her he has in his head he hates her. if she blows by while he tries to talk to her, he hates her. if she doesn't hunt him down to say, "bye," he hates her. if she's in a bad mood, he hates her. i know this, because after a couple weeks of trash talking this girl he barely knows, there are these small moments of humility where he admits that maybe he's just overreacting. and then the next night she's the scum of the earth again. like, this guy is literally dedicating songs to her, and they have never hung out outside work. i am at such a loss i have no idea how to get through to this guy. this is a new development, i've known him for three years, i hang out with the guy 2-3 times a week and he has never done this with any girl until now. i'm legitimately at a loss for words. i kinda went off on him earlier. i told him his fixation on this girl is unhealthy and i haven't heard back. i don't know how to be there for him.

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5

12

0soz3

1 month ago

ISTP
Cancer

6w5

6

5

Don't assume there's anything for you to do.

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3

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rhys

1 month ago

ENTP
Virgo

i am coming around to that understanding. which is why i ask, where is this going? how does this end? i am obviously just going to have to sit and watch this insanity unfold

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1

Paul

1 month ago

ENFJ
Aries

1w9

1

9

I just hope you don't have to intervene for this girl's safety. Is it this friend's thoughts alone that are obsessive, or is he doing creepy actions like online stalking or inappropriate comments? You didn't mention these but I kind of worry sometimes. I got pretty obsessed over a crush last year, but my admiration meant I always behaved myself around them (and I was too nervous about rejection to let on). But these emotional whiplashes from loving to hating her sound kind of dangerous.

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1

rhys

1 month ago

ENTP
Virgo

i don't know what he's capable of. i don't know what anyone is capable of until they do it. i don't think he has the means or the drive, but who knows how the drive would be affected if he suddenly had the means? he's definitely never wished ill for her around me, only slander. so i think that's a good sign? god, i don't even wanna think about this. ugh

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0

1

Paul

1 month ago

ENFJ
Aries

1w9

1

9

Sorry to put your mind in a bad place. If it's just slander then maybe I'm too worried. Good luck with this. I know it takes me a long time to get over a crush.

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1

0

Paul

1 month ago

ENFJ
Aries

1w9

1

9

I don't know what this guy is like normally, but I can tell you that telling him the truth about the situation is the right thing to do. How to do that? How to cope with him not listening? I don't know. But maybe giving him the clear message that you are least have made your opinion clear and don't want to talk about this subject anymore is a good boundary to set.

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1

1

rhys

1 month ago

ENTP
Virgo

i know, i've had that suggested to me already by a good friend of mine. i just don't want him to feel uncomfortable around me like he can't speak his mind. idk maybe he shouldn't speak his mind. maybe his mind is delusional. maybe he needs professional help. but that is so not my place, right? i just don't know

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0

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Kajsa

1 month ago

INTP
Libra

7w8

7

8

It is your job to make yourself happy. Are you a revolving piece in this love triangle?

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1

1

rhys

1 month ago

ENTP
Virgo

hahaha, thank you, i needed that. 😂 i know it is not my job to fix this, but i've done a lot of running away when things get hard in my life. i just want to know how this ends and how to be there for him in the mean time. maybe i just shouldn't let him talk about it, but i don't want him to feel uncomfortable around me like he can't speak his mind.

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0

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Eyvie

1 month ago

INTP
Aries

5w4

5

4

I think I have been in the same situation as him before. 🤔 Is she the only girl who has talked with him every now and then (or is his "ideal type")? If so, he might think it's love or fate when it's only lust and the idea of being in love with this "perfect" person. Instead of only telling him it's unhealthy, have you told him all of the why's/reasons that it's unhealthy? If they are believable reasons, maybe he might change his ways. Has he told her that he likes her and is it mutual? If not, maybe let him know that he should ask if she likes him romantically. Then he might have the realization that he's been in the wrong the entire time. She is an individual and he can't control whether she should say "bye" to him or not. I hope he can learn that infatuation isn't love but lust, because true love takes time and talking trash about her is not love.

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0

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Jeremy R.

1 month ago

ENTJ
Leo

Honestly you should avoid getting in a relationship with someone you work with. It's one thing if you do it right and let human resources know and if it's a problem or not to enter into a relationship with a coworker. Because honestly it's not worth your job. Yes there is the desire to be with this person. But if she not into you dont think any less of the person. You dont know anything about there life. Maybe you remind them of someone who hurt them and that's why you go unnoticed. But remember there are always all kinds of variables with these things. Tread lightly and if its something that's ment to be it will happen.

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