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Universes
Posted Saturday, October 5, 2024
1mo
ISFJ
Cancer
Relationship Advice
This is a really long post. So I understand if you don't want to read it. This is just me trying to share my experience and wanting to open up about what I believe relationships are and should be like. Read as much or as little as you'd like. Normalize accountability. Normalize accepting noone is perfect. A relationship based on real love will have both partners share issues openly and willingly. Neither partner just "loses feelings" simply because they held it in and reached a breaking point. A partner might mention specific issues one/two/three times but should an issue occur again, they should open up in a calm, quiet, equal and serious setting. Such as when you and your partner are in the car Infront of your house after a date. If you truly love someone, you'll see almost any mistake is fixable. Love is a decision and a commitment, not just a feeling. Real love and connection never resorts to a breakup outside of cheating or domestic abuse. And if you feel that you have opened up to your partner about some issues and it feels like they never changed or improved, try to see it from their point of view. If you think their behaviour got worse, try to point it out and ask why the behaviour is getting worse. They might just be pushing themselves everyday to fix their mistakes for you. Mistakes are fixed through repetition. The same as every other mistake made in an exam or a bad decision. Don't simply reach the conclusion that they are only fixing themselves because of consequences. They might have been dealing with a lot of problems they didn't wish to bother you with. It might seem like they refused to change but try to think for a few moments. Have they treated you right outside of the issues? Have they woken up every day with their first thought being talking to you? Have they gotten you gifts, done acts of kindness, helped you whenever you asked? Remember, they might hurt you. You might hurt them. But the integral part is being able to look past it and see the good person that they are. They might not have even intended to hurt you in the first place. What might be intentional harm to you might not have been intentional from them. If you still choose to blame them and give them consequences even knowing full well they never intended for such harm and were always willing to work on these issues, can you really tell yourself you loved them and the relationship? Can you say that you've given everything you had to the relationship? Can you say that you tried to discuss every issue with them face to face in a calm, quiet setting instead of behind a screen? If you truly love someone, no mistakes besides cheating or domestic abuse would or should ever resort to a breaking up. Try not to misjudge them for their silence. Silence might be the coping mechanism they developed to not act out of anger or frustration. Because they would rather keep silent and bring it up when they calm down rather than lash out in the heat of the moment. You can hold your partner accountable but to really love them is to discuss with them, support them and help guide them to improve. They might already be open to do the same with your issues. Try to clarify any uncertain things. Could be things such as when you believe they yelled at you, lashed out at you, used an adjective you didn't like. It might be that what you believe was yelling, was simply a reaction and wasn't intended to be yelling. An adjective you might find harmful might be them using a word as a way to describe something and not as a personal attack. What you might feel was them lashing out at you might be them slightly frustrated in the heat of the moment with a lot on their mind but didn't intend on giving you grief. You must also look at your partners perspective as well as your own. You can't hope to create a strong healthy relationship by only looking at tough times through a single lense. Your lense. Both of you can make mistakes. Both of you could hurt each other. But the unison of both partners to push through all the tough times are what make a relationship healthy and beautiful. There are always two sides to every coin. Two perspectives in an argument. Two people trying to fix a problem. Never assume the other person just wants to argue. They want to fix the problem as much as you do. They want to see you flourish and become the best person you could be. You and your partner build each other up through love, respect, loyalty, care, and commitment. If they are making compromises for you, have been there for you, have done many things for you, have paid for things for you, have taken time out of their long day of work to see you, have always brought you food/ice cream after work, Don't you think that they really love you? That you are the most valuable person in their entire life? They build their life around you at the center of it all. Every action they took, every decision being made for the future, every sacrafise they made were all in the pursuit of making you happy and making the best future possible. Don't ever overlook all the love and care they gave you. You'll never know if or when you'll ever find that kind of love and care in another person again. Because you are at the center of their world. Even might've been since the very first day. You might have brightened up his world during times of grief and despair. You might've brought him joy in a world full of suffering and anguish. And with you being at their side, they might have been willing to take on every obstacle, every goal, fix every problem that the world could throw at them in pursuit of your happiness. Because seeing you happy might be what makes them happy. Please do not let your relationship result in what I was unfortunate enough to experience.. I am not certain of my life's path or expectancy. But all I can do in my situation is to move on, self reflect and improve on my actions. So that one day, when the time is right, I can achieve my goal of a wonderful happy family I can come home to after a long day of work. A wife I'd love and cherish every moment, kiss, cuddle, and every activity we'd do together. Someone I'd work hard for to see their beautiful smile. A child I can love and support with all my strength to see them become a better person than I could ever hope to be. I do not believe I am inherently a bad person. I have made many mistakes and will make many more mistakes. But I will make sure with every breath I take, that I commit myself to fixing my issues so that my goal can be that much more achievable. I share these lessons not out of anger or pain. But to express how difficult a relationship can be. Me having had a relationship I believed could have become so much more. So that others can hopefully learn these important lessons, avoid making what could be the biggest mistakes of their life, and achieve such beautiful dreams where I am currently struggling to do. So many opportunities are lost every day for something beautiful and magical because of the decisions we make out of anger and hatred. Do not hold anger or hatred towards someone you deeply care for. It might be one of the biggest mistakes you could ever make. 'Amor et pax' ❤️ (edited)
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