Rob

Posted Saturday, September 3, 2022

1y

INTJ

Virgo

8

9

Can Men and Women Have a Platonic Relationship if the Man Has Romantic Feelings?

This was the gist of a question posted here but deleted before I could respond. I think it is a worthwhile question to ask, particularly for younger women out there, so I decided to post it myself and my answer to the question. I am sure people will disagree with me, but this is my wisdom on it (and remember - wisdom comes from f*ing up, so I have a lot of that). Simple answer - No. If a guy has feelings for you, they will not dissipate because you have friendzoned them. What a lot of women do not seem to realize (and honestly, I am not sure how many men consciously recognize this either), but if a guy likes you, he likes you, and if you do not reciprocate his feelings, it doesn't change how he feels. If you think you have successfully friendzoned a guy, you are fooling yourself because the guy has something you hadn't counted on - Hope. See, if you are friends with a guy, then he has the chance to be there for you, do things for you, and generally show you what an excellent catch he is. He can put on an extended mating display where he preens himself and puts all of his finest qualities on display because you WILL come around. You will see what an amazing specimen he is and come to your senses about dating him. This is the danger of hope. By its very nature, it will feed off your every moment together, regardless of how YOU choose to perceive said moments (i.e. platonic buddies hanging out). Of course, some women might say, "But if he finds himself a girlfriend later ... " and the answer is still nope. First, you would have to deal with HER insecurity about the two of you being friends (which you will never manage if she knows he has feelings for you), but arguably if the guy did have feelings for you that you did not reciprocate before dating this other girl, it is rare that he will truly be content with this silver medal and will toss it aside in a heartbeat for you if you were to suddenly realize what you gave up. Assuming he does not find someone else though, he will wait in the shadows and bide his time until you eventually have to rehash the same friendzone discussion again, only this time his feelings are stronger and he won't be put off so readily, and things will quickly descend into acrimony (be ready for a B-bomb to be tossed your way like a verbal hand grenade) and frustration on his part because he has been a good boy and has patiently waited to be rewarded with your love only to be snubbed again. So ultimately no, you cannot have a platonic relationship with a guy who has romantic feelings for you. This is my take on it from the perspective of a guy - maybe it is the same for women too, but I cannot speak to that.