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Cella

21d

ISFP
Gemini
Toxic relationship
3 awards

My boyfriend...or ex..idk anymore who i am to him..because he never feel bad what he has done to me for being rude..like "your worthless and a pig"..he's words traumatised me for years..I have done everything he wanted but still not enough for him..I changed my features for him..yet still treats me like a trash..Im tired I really am..I tried really hard to leave him but I cant...should i stay or should i leave him..yesterday I blocked him..for calling me "pig"...damn im tired of everthing..

145

250

Comment

Kina

21d

INTJ
Capricorn

3w4

3

4

1 award

It's important to love yourself first before you get in a relationship. There is no acceptable reason for calling you a "pig" or any other disrespectful term. I hope you find the courage to leave because situations like this never get better. He isn't going to change. When you love and respect yourself, relationships like this are easy to walk away from. It's only hard and tiresome because you haven't recognized your worth. Block him and move on with your life.

33

21

Reply

Cella

21d

ISFP
Gemini

I take ur advice for my reminder

5

0

Reply

Lokrai

20d

INFJ
Cancer

8w7

8

7

I agree

1

0

Reply

Chris

20d

ISTP
Scorpio

I disagree. There's plenty of "reason", you just don't do it. It's rarer than you think that a guy is rolling over and deciding to call someone they're with names for no reason.

2

2

Reply

Marie-Something

20d

ENTP
Taurus

8w7

8

7

@Chris Actually sounds like she is dealing with a sociopath though.

3

1

Reply

Tanya

20d

ENFP
Pisces

@Chris There's literally never a reason for that. Let's not victim blame. He sounds abusive.

4

1

Reply

Chris

20d

ISTP
Scorpio

@Tanya See, folks are quick to go straight to "victim blame", but if you say "he's abusive" and it comes to light that he is the one somehow suffering, now you're the one victim blaming, ya know? All I'm saying is that there are some key details missing, and I'm one of the LAST people on this planet to be abusing anyone, and yet I've had someone hardcore painting me up to look like some monster because people side with women that cry "abuse" without question. I've listed one example, and it's been a recurring thing. Hell, one girl early on told one of her potential thirsty side guys that I was an ex con that showed up unbidden to the house and would smash her phone and best her up. Not only have I never been to jail, but her phone was never smashed, nor has she ever been beaten. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯. Naturally, she also "didn't do nothin'" to deserve such a treatment. White Knight types eat it up. Anyway, can't go off of "sounds like". There's an utter lack of story here, and while yeah "sounds like" he's a scumbag, I'd like to think that OP would be smart enough to run from someone who would roll over first thing in the morning, COMPLETELY unbidden, and be like "😒................... Pig. 😤". She "seems like" a smart and self aware sort.

3

1

Reply

Tanya

20d

ENFP
Pisces

@Chris Women aren't always believed and neither are children. I will just say that. Our life experiences shape our opinions.

1

1

Reply

Chris

20d

ISTP
Scorpio

@Tanya Well, I see what you're saying, but I'm not saying disbelieve "cuz woman/kid". I'm saying there is some stuff missing from the narrative. What we are given is the act itself and none of what led up to it. When we say things like "there's no reason...!" it automatically cuts out everything but the act itself. There's plenty of reason why someone WOULD say such a thing... not saying they should or that it's right. I've had White Knights and SJWs tell a girl that was crying to them because she wanted to be told that she did nothing wrong. She fed them a bit about how "...he... YELLED at ME! 😭". Oh, I had put some base in my voice and told her to hit the bricks. Seemed par for the course when someone is running off to get with their ex, trying to meet and hang out with his family, excusing themselves for the evening, being used and abused by this fella, and when she realizes that he was just using her, she tried to pop right back into what we were doing like nothing happened and she did nothing wrong. Dude broke her finger, knocked her up, and she had to delete his baby as a result of her actions. Somehow she wants to tell folks that I "...yelled at HERRRR! 😭". Naturally, she left out the parts that she was a part of, and no one questioned her. She was a "victim", despite the damage of her actions. So, yeah... I ask questions when I'm on the outside of these things because I've been the "abuser" despite somehow never doing anything close to abusing a woman.

3

2

Reply

Tanya

20d

ENFP
Pisces

@Chris Not only are you minimizing his words but your own actions. I really think you need to address your own issues before telling a woman "but what did you do" because that's essentially what you're doing.

1

1

Reply

John

20d

ENFJ
Virgo

See this strong Woman here she would of already gave him a knuckle sandwich and walked away! Well said kina! Have a good day. Much love sister. 👍😁

1

0

Reply

Chris

20d

ISTP
Scorpio

@Tanya ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ Maybe I am, but as others have said, men are people too, and maybe they're suffering. The story presented starts and stops with "...he called me a name". Is he not worthy of asking what happened? Should we not care? I've endured mind-boggling stuff out of those I've been with for weeks on end that may have culminated in a raised voice, but there were plenty of sensible "this... This right here? This isn't right. Stop doing this" conversations leading up to it. Those don't get mentioned though. Nor do the myriad things that she had done to assault my sanity. Nope. The ONLY thing that matters is that I dared to speak up for myself or lash out after constant torture. I'm automatically in the wrong because I didn't silently endure as a man "should". It's not right. You're furthering that. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

1

2

Reply

Tanya

20d

ENFP
Pisces

@Chris Explain constant torture.

0

1

Reply

Steve

20d

ISTJ
Aquarius

8w7

8

7

@Chris There's always 2 sides too a claim she has her side he has his side only God actually knows the truth

1

1

Reply

Chris

20d

ISTP
Scorpio

@Steve Yeah, maybe... But any mortal man can see the story begins and ends with "...and he CALLED ME a NAME! 😭". I mean, in your heart of hearts what do you think was going down at the time?

0

1

Reply

Steve

20d

ISTJ
Aquarius

8w7

8

7

@Chris Yea but that's why I say there's 2 sides to a story I just got out of a relationship after 20 years I did my bad during it I admit it.But she made sure she broke me as much as she could so what I am saying is I treat it like court innocent until proven guilty

1

2

Reply

Steve

20d

ISTJ
Aquarius

8w7

8

7

Amber heard case should have taught people that it's not always how it looks from the start

1

0

Reply

Nena

21d

INFJ
Scorpio

7w8

7

8

1 award

If it's hard for you and you feel never enough for him, that means he doesn't love you. He just uses your kind heart. Your big heart deserves so much better and there will be someone who will appreciate a simple thing from you. Dear, he never change and never will. Take your bold step to leave and never let people treat you badly like that.

15

2

Reply

Cella

21d

ISFP
Gemini

Thank you for your advice

3

1

Reply

Nena

21d

INFJ
Scorpio

7w8

7

8

1 award

@Cella Cheer up beautiful, hope you can meet someone who can treat you better. But before it, you need to know your worth and love yourself. Don't let his shallow word bring you down. You are gorgeous

5

0

Reply

Jessica

21d

ENFJ
Taurus

8w7

8

7

1 award

Sorry you are going through this. He sounds like a narcissist. It's extremely important to get out of that type of relationship sooner than later. And go totally no contact. Don't let him come back for any reason. It is hard at first to go full no contact but it will take a huge weight off your shoulders. You will feel so free.

10

2

Reply

Cella

21d

ISFP
Gemini

I am rn try not to contact and find my own happiness without him

2

1

Reply

Russ

21d

INFP
Aries

6w7

6

7

@Cella It is always only about your own happiness and should be. Even with a partner. A true loving partner loves you becasue of you not in spite of you. Each of you needs to have your own happiness that merges together to create a happiness together. If one person isn't happy then both will end up unhappy.

3

0

Reply

Baby

21d

ISFJ
Libra

7w8

7

8

First of all, it's mainly your fault for tolerating him for years....you shouldn't have given him the upper hand to stomped all over you. He won't change, will you bear it for lifetime relationship? It's not easy to break off because he becomes a habit for you. If you want to get over with it, be firm & resolute about yourself. Value your own self above all. Hopefully, you'll find better men. There's chances you will if you do.

6

3

Reply

Cella

21d

ISFP
Gemini

Fall in love with a wrong person is hard to forget about sweet memories he gave..this is the first time I ever loved someone this much for 4 years..I gave everything he never had...

2

2

Reply

Orlando

21d

INTJ
Gemini

@Cella Your story is tough but really powerful, thank you so much for sharing it and I hope you find the help you need.

0

0

Reply

Baby

21d

ISFJ
Libra

7w8

7

8

@Cella Loving someone is never wrong, whether bad or good, always there's room to adjust & adapt, or compromise. But, IF.... There's no improvement, rather it's you who has to give your all, that's one-sided relationship, will you last for long? There's many out there whom can give you what you deserve....give yourself some value & happiness.

2

0

Reply

Brown Eyed Girl

21d

INFP
Taurus

2w1

2

1

Oh sweetheart, leave him. You will never know true love until you're able to fully love yourself. This bf/ex is not a man. He surely is toxic, possibly due to his insecurity? There are plenty of people who would enjoy your company and treat you way better than this guy does. The longer you stay with him, the worse your mental health will suffer.

4

2

Reply

Cella

20d

ISFP
Gemini

He always say himself "handsome" and i be like "none other girls wants like i want u" 😐

1

1

Reply

Chorui

20d

INTJ
Gemini

@Cella Ha ha, same dialogue of my toxic ex.. He used to say this too..

0

0

Reply

Andrew

21d

ISFP
Cancer

He called you a pig and you're traumatized for years? Wow people have become so weak nowadays 🤦‍♂️ just break up with the dude and move on. Jesus it's not rocket science.

3

2

Reply

John

20d

ENFJ
Virgo

Well said Andrew, I use them words to.. "Ain't Rocket science." 🤣😂 Have a good day bro. 👍

0

0

Reply

Orlando

21d

INTJ
Gemini
1 award

In Dante's Inferno there's a line scribbled into the entrance of Hell: "Surrender as you enter every hope you have". In the Divine Comedy souls freely enter Hell. You seem to have the choice of staying in a relationship which will do damage to you, it could be that there would be a serious risk of ptsd, or leaving and facing the pains of a break-up. If you choose to stay because of a hope that your boyfriend will change, that could lead to perpetual heartbreaks each one harder than the last. If you don't believe he'll change you could ask yourself if you would rather be in Hell with him or in heaven alone, and if you're strong enough to suffer through abuse and you love him then that's a really difficult question. Whatever you do it won't be easy and I wish you all the best. You might also want to work with a therapist, there's is absolutely no shame in receiving help for mental issues. A professional therapist might also be able to help you understand your boyfriend better which might help you move on without resentment or see how things which seemed like your fault might not have been.

3

3

Reply

Cella

21d

ISFP
Gemini

This is the first time I hear someone like u giving advice about my relationship:D and thank you for understanding:)

0

1

Reply

Orlando

21d

INTJ
Gemini

@Cella You're welcome :)

0

0

Reply

John

20d

ENFJ
Virgo

Well said Orlando wey powerful words there! I hope Cella listens and acts on them. 🤞🤞

0

0

Reply

Bitupan

21d

ESFJ
Taurus

6w7

6

7

1 award

If you are affected by someone's opinion, thn future will be dark for you. And i will not put pretty words, but girl once you are 5 years away from today, you will hardly remember anything what you feel today. Try to invest in yourself regardless of what others say atleast to say to yourself that i didnt doubt myself. Everybody here is a human and in different emotional state. You can ask him why he treats you as you have written here. Because anyone who shows to be emtional is considered weak and exhaustive. Maybe he is still a boy so he doesnt understand and psychologically girls are affected more by it but once you bloom back if he asks for forgiveness, just help him. It helps you to kerp your intregity and self image intact. Dont go for these blocking and all.. It causes more pain. Let your emotions flow and share with someone who genuinely cares. Guys often are bad at handling emotions but when he realises what he lost, he usually comes back. Till then say safe and take care of your emotional health sister 🌼

2

3

Reply

Cella

21d

ISFP
Gemini

Well..i did ask him why he treated me this way...bc he doesn't want to feel bad about me..that part i dont really understand at all..and the most answers he gave me is "idc"

1

2

Reply

Bitupan

21d

ESFJ
Taurus

6w7

6

7

@Cella Maybe its a bit rude from him, its because maybe you care very much, he is overwhelmed and every boy at one stage does it. Try to give more time to yourself coz you will not understand what he is doing. Let him solve this by his own. Till then do what you genuinely like to do irresecpectible to what you can do for him. If you continue to live and give yourself to you, then only you can live. Ya its hard but what to do, you have to. Focus on more what you can do for yourself. Dont live in anyone's mercy. Its just because every human has an defensive mechanism which doesnt like which doesnt like when he or she is not getting equal results from efforts he or she is putting. Just dont boost his ego. I am saying repeatedly, focus on your own and if he comes back, just do a normal conversation. All you are doing is falling over heels which every human does in first love and loses their self respect. Dont go in the same loophole. Talk to a therapist or some psychological professional because you need a bit of mental help here but i promise you will make it. And then you will love yourself more. 🌞 You are a young lady, comeon.. Dont just let your emotional side win over you specially if its dark. There is much to do. 🧚

1

0

Reply

John

20d

ENFJ
Virgo

@Cella There's your answer he ain't going to change so dump his ass and don't look back!

0

0

Reply

Buddika alwis

21d

INFP
Virgo

4w5

4

5

Just leave him You don't deserve this mental torture

4

0

Reply

Berk

20d

INTJ
Sagittarius

8w7

8

7

You liked him because he treated you like that anyway if he was nice you wouldn't be with him, that's the biggest problem with girls. They don't date humble men because they always want the best.

2

2

Reply

Cella

20d

ISFP
Gemini

If ur in my situation..u know what kind of "nice" he gave me..

0

0

Reply

Raphael

14d

INTJ
Cancer

4w5

4

5

You're partly right. Modern society, & women especially, have acquired the mistaken notion that pathological men are "alphas;" whereas in the animal kingdom, & even in more traditional human societies, anything but a benevolent alpha is typically shunned. Something I've learned through psychology, though, is that a lot of girls these days grow up with abusive parents who program their children to believe they're bad or worthless. So they naturally can't help but gravitate toward romantic partners who stand in & continue to play the role of an abuser, as they can't fathom deserving any better. Treat them nicely, & it feels too unfamiliar & contrary to the narrative they were fed as children; therefore, as bad as it feels to be abused, it actually produces less anxiety in them than being treated otherwise. :/ There's a lot more to it, but if people only knew how hard-wired a lot of girls are to feel insecure & unworthy of true love...--I think, as a society, we'd realize one of the main, unaddressed issues that desperately needs attention is saving such children, prior to their teens, from their adverse environments.

0

0

Reply

Adam

21d

ISTP
Libra

2w1

2

1

Basic manipulation

2

2

Reply

Adam

21d

ISTP
Libra

2w1

2

1

Either leave him or stay and suffer. Sad fact: chances are you will choose the latter

2

1

Reply

Cella

21d

ISFP
Gemini

@Adam I need some time to think

0

0

Reply

Long

20d

ISFJ
Virgo

It sounds like you already made your decision. What’s stopping you from taking action?

2

2

Reply

Cella

20d

ISFP
Gemini

Feeling tired to be treated that way

2

1

Reply

Long

20d

ISFJ
Virgo

@Cella Feeling too comfortable to make changes? It’s gonna be worth the effort dear

1

0

Reply

Binkie

20d

INTJ
Sagittarius

5w4

5

4

Leave his dumb ass, those that truly love you would never put themselves in a position to loose you. In any relationship always but your needs first (emotional or anything else). You should never have to change who you are for anybody, be authentic to who you truly are and I'd they don't like it too bad. Please don't accept other people's bad behaviour towards you or their inner insecurities to validate their self worth, remove yourself from that situation /person. Moving forward you will have to do a lot of self love, reflection, looking and doing things that make you happy and not compromise on that. It may be hard at first but you will get there. Congrats for noticing the injustice and speaking up against this. Only be with those that love and appreciate you hun. I am really sorry you had to experience this and hope you do whatever you need to ,to make yourself happy.

2

1

Reply

Ryan

20d

ENTP
Virgo

As someone who's only ever been cheated on, abused, and dumped I say leave him. Don't say anything just leave him. If he's not willing to change or ways or even respect you or your feelings. Then he's not worth the time of and doesn't deserve what you've given and sacrificed. Learning to love yourself and care for yourself are more important than him and his feelings. I hope you have the strength and resolve to leave him and start a new/better chapter of your life

2

1

Reply

Cella

20d

ISFP
Gemini

I hope so :D

0

0

Reply

Elijah

21d

INFP
Cancer

2w1

2

1

1 award

I can't speak from experience, but try to find the strength. You definitely do not deserve to be treated that way. You shouldn't have to change yourself for someone else. If it helps, remember that words are just words. You can change the definitions however you want. My grandma calls me "idiot" and "stupid" all the time (in Tagalog). But i love when she does that, because to me, that's how she expresses her love. But the way she says things is not with a malicious intent. In your case, this guy seems to be manipulating you. You can still try to change definitions; for example: Pig: something cute witha good sense of smell. Worthless: a hypothetical concept; everything in this world actually has worth Also think of this as a learning experience. Now you know what to avoid, going forward. You can level up and get closer to being the true You. Be treated the way you want to be treated; if another person does not want to respect that, they do not have to be a part of your life. Stay strong!

1

1

Reply

Cella

21d

ISFP
Gemini

Thank you

0

0

Reply

Indra (he/him)

21d

INFP
Cancer

4w5

4

5

Why do you stay in relationships with him? What makes you unable to leave him? He can call you name easily He didn't appreciate you He treat you like a trash He didn't see you as a human Just what is it that makes you unable to leave that kind of person? How much longer you need to let yourself got hurted untill you finally decided to leave him? Are you hoping for him to change himself? What kind of good that you see in him that makes you hoping for him to change himself?

1

2

Reply

Cella

21d

ISFP
Gemini
1 award

I need my time to tell him when im ready to tell him

1

1

Reply

Indra (he/him)

21d

INFP
Cancer

4w5

4

5

1 award

@Cella Everything is in your own hands, whether you will take time to prepare your heart to break up with him, to immediately tell him so that you won't got hurt anymore, or to still stay in relationships with him Just know that any choice you pick have their own consequences, may you will pick what best for you 🤞

2

0

Reply

Jada Brummett

20d

INFP
Leo

I'm so sorry you have gone through this. You definitely need to leave him

1

1

Reply

Cella

20d

ISFP
Gemini

It sokay

0

0

Reply

Djamila

20d

INTJ
Virgo

8w7

8

7

Do u really think u deserve being treated like that? U need to put urself first, if u are hurt what's the point on being in that kind of relationship? Better to be alone than in bad company

1

1

Reply

Cella

20d

ISFP
Gemini

Im trying rn

0

0

Reply

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