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Junior

21d

ENTP
Pisces
She just confessed she has a daughter.

So I’ve hung out with this girl twice and I was really starting to like her but she just confessed to me that she has a daughter. I’m 29 (no kids) and she’s 25. Is that a big red flag? Should I just move on? Or should I give her a chance?

5

73

Comment

Callum

21d

INTJ
Libra

6w7

6

7

Depends if you intend to start a family with her in the future. If you're not ready to be a father then you should probably think twice. Additionally, you should probably talk to her to see what expectations she has from you. Does she expect you to help her with her daughter or is she just looking for a boyfriend to spend time together with.

5

3

Reply

𝓓𝓪𝓻𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓪𝓮

21d

INTJ
Cancer

8w7

8

7

That's what I was thinking.

0

0

Reply

Junior

21d

ENTP
Pisces

Thank you for the well thought out response. Very helpful.

1

0

Reply

Doug

21d

INTP
Taurus

I'd like to say she's honest, but she certainly hid that until after you've seen her a couple of times (until you've begun to like her) in order to increase her chances. There's a term for that, "lying through omission" It's also a form of deception and manipulation. I'd consider it a red flag. I'd also still give it a chance but, be very weary because this is a sign that she doesn't have a problem with hiding things.

3

2

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Junior

21d

ENTP
Pisces

Wow I never thought of it like that. Deep... Thank you for the insight. Will proceed with caution.

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0

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Jane Depadua

21d

INTP
Gemini

9w1

9

1

At least she still honest just give her a chance if you really like her must accept her daughter too

2

4

Reply

Doug

21d

INTP
Taurus

Honesty would be to be upfront that she has a daughter. Hiding it until after he becomes more attached is very dishonest.

3

2

Reply

Logan

21d

INTP
Leo

2w1

2

1

@Doug Is it dishonest, or more so protective of her daughter? Some people are naturally very cautious about bringing new people into their kids' lives

6

1

Reply

Jane Depadua

21d

INTP
Gemini

9w1

9

1

@Doug We are not on her place maybe she has a reason but a true loving man can accept despite of everything

3

0

Reply

Doug

21d

INTP
Taurus

@Logan You can protect your daughter and still be upfront of having a daughter. I'm not saying she should introduce her daughter right away but ommiting that she has a kid is dishonesty. It's called "lying through omission"

2

0

Reply

Jenna

20d

INFJ
Sagittarius

6w7

6

7

Maybe she wanted to feel comfortable with you first to make sure you weren't crazy first before she told you about her kids. It's protecting them.

1

15

Reply

Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

Based on what everyone else has said, I believe she was being deceptive. She should have told me from the beginning but she didn’t because she wanted to “hook” me. This has nothing to do with protecting/not protecting a child.

0

2

Reply

Jenna

20d

INFJ
Sagittarius

6w7

6

7

@Junior I don't think so. Being a mother myself. She was just meeting you. It would be one thing if you asked in the beginning and she lied and said no. I honestly don't think she was being deceptive. If you like her give her a chance

2

1

Reply

Jenna

20d

INFJ
Sagittarius

6w7

6

7

@Junior If you are so set on your stance why did you post for opinions? Just curious.

1

1

Reply

Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

@Jenna Most single men (who don’t have kids) want nothing to do with a woman who has kids. I think she knew this which is why she hid it from me in the beginning. At this point I’m too annoyed by it. Nice girl but I’ve been smart enough to not have any kids my entire life and I want a partner who is equally smart in that regard. Her having a child means I will have to deal with baby daddy too. I don’t need all of that in my life. I can do way better.

0

1

Reply

Jenna

20d

INFJ
Sagittarius

6w7

6

7

@Junior Very shallow. She deserves better anyways. She dodged a bullet. Not true by the way. Most men? Where did you hear that? Maybe men who never grew up

2

1

Reply

Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

@Jenna She deserves better?? Lol! She’s the one who was irresponsible and had a child with a man who was not fit to be a father/husband. I am not being shallow. I am being responsible and rational. I certainly dodged a bullet. I’m sure I will be able to find a woman who hasn’t given birth. And yes. Sorry to break it to ya. Most single men without children are not interested in dating a woman with a child. Pretty simple stuff actually. I’m surprised you didn’t know that.

0

2

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Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

@Jenna I wasn’t set on my stance but after getting feedback from numerous people I’ve made up my mind. That’s rude of you to say. I am only speaking facts. Did something offend you?

0

1

Reply

Jenna

20d

INFJ
Sagittarius

6w7

6

7

@Junior Lol you are very immature. Not a real man obviously

2

1

Reply

Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

@Jenna Very immature because I’ve been responsible my entire life and focused on my career and not had any children and I don’t want to take care of someone else’s child?? What a joke 😂🤣😂

0

1

Reply

Jenna

20d

INFJ
Sagittarius

6w7

6

7

@Junior No it's not that. The way you word your messages sound like a very selfish person. I could expect that from a teenage boy

2

1

Reply

Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

@Jenna Interesting opinion!

0

1

Reply

Marian

20d

INFJ
Libra

6w7

6

7

@Junior sorry mate, but reading this thread made me side more with @Jenna 😅 You indeed sound like a selfish person not from the perspective that you don't want to take the responsibility for her actions (that's actually a valid stance), but rather by the choice of words and motivations. Although you asked for an advice, once you made your mind you have become quite... assertive (?) to your new position against Jenna giving you her point of view that was opposite to yours. That's what she referred to when describing you as "immature". One can still accept an opposing thought without making a diatribe. Good luck in your career though ;) must be very good if you invest so much time and energy to it :)

4

0

Reply

Tiff Tiff

20d

INFJ
Leo

4

1

Reply

Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

@Tiff Tiff Good points. Thank you

1

0

Reply

Lei

21d

ENFP
Aries

7w8

7

8

Hmm, well it really depends on you. Do you mind? She probably should have told you on the first date but I wouldn't really fault her for telling you before the third date. In her mind she was probably seeing if she liked you much. Cause if she decided she didn't, why would she need to tell you about her child? She decided she did, and so she told you before things got more serious lol. I wouldn't consider it a red flag, personally. I can understand if that for the first couple dates she just wanted to present herself as just a woman before letting you know she was also a mother. I hope you don't feel obligated to go out with her. It really is on you in terms of how comfortable you are with it. If you're not, you can let her know but if that's not a deterrent then go for it. Good luck.

3

0

Reply

Danielle

20d

ESTP
Scorpio

6w7

6

7

I don't see it as an red technically. I see it as a young mother who wants to date and be happy. But she's protecting her daughter because not ever person deserves to know about her personal life hence hiding the fact of her daughter. It's her choice to even tell you so be grateful she trusts you on some type of level with that personal information. She might be scared of you rejecting her or second guessing going steady with her

1

7

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Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

Radical stance. Only thing I agree with is your last sentence. She definitely hid the truth from me because she was scared of being rejected.

0

1

Reply

Danielle

20d

ESTP
Scorpio

6w7

6

7

@Junior And that's her choice on the matter. It seems as if you are on the fence about rejecting her. We all have our own opinions.

0

1

Reply

Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

@Danielle Yes, it’s her choice to hide the truth. But I consider it to be unethical given the circumstances. I’ve made up my mind. I won’t be seeing her again.

2

2

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Danielle

20d

ESTP
Scorpio

6w7

6

7

@Junior I'm glad you figured out what you wanted. If I was in your shoes I wouldn't really know. But best of luck to you

0

1

Reply

Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

@Danielle Thank you. And that’s interesting actually. So you would be open to dating a man with a child?

0

1

Reply

Kaitlyn

20d

INTJ
Sagittarius

5w6

5

6

@Junior Good for you for stepping down instead of wasting her time. Though you really shouldn't judge anyone for having children. You don't know their story.

1

0

Reply

Danielle

19d

ESTP
Scorpio

6w7

6

7

@Junior I actually might be. I feel like it's more of the connection and rather than anything else. But, like I said I wouldn't really know what to do if I was in your position

0

0

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Marian

20d

INFJ
Libra

6w7

6

7

unfortunately, being a single mom at 25 isn't a win. We can discuss whether it is "lying through ommission" or not, but it is also quite a private information about family and no one tells this at first dates. I mean... you don't go to a first date and say to (mostly an unknown) person that e.g. your mom has cancer or that you suffer of depression. It is not a job interview where you show your CV 🤷‍♂️ if she told it before the third date, I wouldn't consider it a red flag, but more like... a sign of trust that she "considers" you. What you gonna do with this information is up to you, because this definitely complicates some things and you must decide whether you are ready/willing/decided to take this additional responsability.

2

1

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Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

Thank you for the well thought out response. Many great points for me to consider. Much appreciated!

1

0

Reply

Lynne

20d

INTP
Gemini

It depends on how you feel about kids and what sort of relationship you're both looking for and what kind of relationship she wants her partner to have with her kid (ie will you be a step parent, cool uncle, or just moms special friend)? I will say, though, biology doesn't make you a parent, raising a kid does.

0

5

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Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

At this point I guess I’m just down for hook ups. I certainly don’t want to bear the burden of raising someone else’s child.

0

1

Reply

Jenna

20d

INFJ
Sagittarius

6w7

6

7

@Junior Careful or you will end up with kids. Lol you shouldn't be sleeping around if you don't potentially want the consequences

0

1

Reply

Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

@Jenna I’m okay with having my own children. My problem is with raising someone else’s children.

0

1

Reply

Jenna

19d

INFJ
Sagittarius

6w7

6

7

@Junior You shouldn't reproduce at all

0

1

Reply

Junior

19d

ENTP
Pisces

@Jenna Why? Because you don’t like the fact that I don’t wana raise anyone else’s children?

0

0

Reply

Kaitlyn

20d

INTJ
Sagittarius

5w6

5

6

Not necessarily. She could have just waited until she felt a better connection to you to tell you. Because why pour your heart out to someone if there's no vibe? It's really not your business while you're strangers.

1

1

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Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

Good point

0

0

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Maddy

20d

ISFJ
Capricorn

Maybe she wanted to be sure about what she wants first and then later disclose the fact that she has a child. After seeing you twice she felt more comfortable to tell you about it. Sometimes we meet a person but later we realise they are not our type and we move on. She might have thought like this. She would tell to someone she wish to get serious with, else she wont disclose to just anyone. Engaging yourself with someone that has a child is very demanding. If you feel you dont like this, so dont go ahead. Tell her politely that you wish for a partner that has no child yet. Dont hurt a single mother, you never know what they have been through.

1

1

Reply

Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

Thank you for this. You’re right. I should take a kind approach rather than be upset for not being told since day 1.

0

0

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James

21d

ESTJ
Taurus

Having a child isn't something you wait until the third date to tell someone. I would see her keeping it a secret as a red flag.

2

0

Reply

Alex

20d

INFP
Cancer

9w8

9

8

When it comes to children, timing is everything. She told you before meeting her. That’s a green flag to me. If you are okay with dating someone with a kid. Go for it. If she told you after the first date that might be a red flag.

1

0

Reply

Shannon

20d

INFP
Taurus

Depends do you want kids?

0

3

Reply

Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

Yeah but not someone else’s kids lol

0

1

Reply

Shannon

19d

INFP
Taurus

@Junior Then leave.

0

1

Reply

Junior

19d

ENTP
Pisces

@Shannon I will. Thx

0

0

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Malena

20d

INTJ
Leo

6w5

6

5

Lying is a big no no for me. If they can hide the fact they have a kid who knows what else they are comfortable hiding from you. It could be innocent enough. It only really depends if you like kids or not. If you're not bothered by the baggage or you don't mind kids then I don't see why not pursue but make it firm to her that you don't appreciate being lied to.

1

0

Reply

Anja

20d

ENFP
Aquarius

How is her having a child a red flag if anything her telling you on the second meeting is a good thing with her being open to you about a major thing. If your seriously interested in her and are willing to take on emotional/finical burdens that come with dating a women with a child from a prior relationship then go ahead and best wishes

0

1

Reply

Junior

20d

ENTP
Pisces

Yeah I’ve made up my mind. No way in hell I take on the emotional/financial burden of someone else’s child lol

0

0

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Derek

21d

ENTP
Virgo

Humans have children?

1

0

Reply

Derek

20d

INFP
Capricorn

1w2

1

2

What do you want? You are not under any obligation. Do what you want in your heart.

0

0

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