I’ve heard thatpeople find itweirdifyou want to be friends before dating( only if you’re interested in more but taking it slow). Personally I don’t think that’s a bad thing but the otherperson should know your intentions. Usually I say this because guys can come off a little too strong and I just want it to be chill. I’ll just say let’s just start off as friends. I’m notsaying that we should just be friends. Also not talking about people you are already friends with,just someone you recently met. Just to clarify. What’s your opinion on it?
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Dragoness
1y
INFJ
Sagittarius
I agree but for me it's more on being worried they're only here to get a girl and the benefits that come with it..
I want to have a boyfriendwho listens and cares like a friend would too. And maybe they'd understand I'm not only their girlfriend but a friend too.
Sometimes, it's hard for guys to understand what we meant by this😅
We tell them we want to be friends first but actually we find them attractive but just want to take it slow and get to know them more and then go on dates with them later..we actually aren't saying they can't flirt with us..to just be strictly friends.. 😆
I actually enjoy the getting to know part and flirting here and there..
well that's how it is for me when I'm attracted to someone.. 😅
21
5
Reply
Tyana
1y
INFP
Virgo
1w9
1
9
Exactly this is basically what I’m trying to say lol. Just to take things slow. Doesn’t mean I don’t like or find you unattractive
7
1
Reply
Dragoness
1y
INFJ
Sagittarius
@Tyanaright? coz we'd have rejected the guy from the very start or ignored them if they weren't even our type smh.. 😆
4
0
Reply
Dave
1y
INTJ
Aries
That's helpful to read but has me thinking that I may be missing a lot of signals 😅. I think a lot of guys maybe need more direct communicationaround that kind of thing. I usually just come out and say that I'm attracted to someone and interested in a possible relationship, but I'd like to get to know each other more first in a socialsetting or on a date.
That’s good too. Maybe I need to be detailed because I’m thinking about different factors in that plays in my statement 🤔
0
0
Reply
Dave
1y
INTJ
Aries
Honest answer here is that I can really only be "into" one person at a time, so I don't do well with having friends that could also be future partners. If you want to be in the friend zone, that's cool, but it's hard to get out once you're there because I'm looking at you platonically now.
4
2
Reply
Tyana
1y
INFP
Virgo
1w9
1
9
I think you maybe viewing it a different way and that’s okay. What I’m just saying is just initially you can start off as friends but you make it aware that you want it to be more in the future. It’s just to take things slow or it can be for personalreasons idk. But that isn’t saying you don’t find that person attractive. I think overall it’s about communication
1
1
Reply
Dave
1y
INTJ
Aries
@Tyana 100%, communication is crucial. As an INTJ I've learned its importance the hard way. 😂
1
0
Reply
Michael Herbst
1y
ENFP
Pisces
7w8
7
8
I definitely prefer to start off as friends because then if you try a relationship and it doesn't work and you end on good terms and it's not awkward then you can still be friends
I prefer addressing that I have romantic intentions right away. Sure it's a cuteidea to move from friends to eventually dating, but I'm not a highschoolkid that has plenty of time anymore. I'm not going to spend years and years trying to get to know someone before even dating when I could get to know them intimately from the get-go. It's all in how you perceive it and there's no right or wrong for this. Life is short and too many people live in fear of being labelled a hoe. I'm not saying to hoe around or take things extremely fast. Just go with whateverfeels right and don't regret.
2
3
Reply
Tyana
1y
INFP
Virgo
1w9
1
9
Yeah that’s true! Also to to be clear I’m only saying for a short amount of time not a year or years because I could see how that could be frustrating. In my perspective I will tell someone if they’re attractive. Also I don’t really like hookupculture and I want to take things slow. I know that some want to have that initial connection but that just depends on your outlook or interacting in general
0
1
Reply
☀🌿 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴 🌿☀
1y
INTP
Sagittarius
1w9
1
9
@Tyana That's completely fair. If it's a few months of communicating then it might be doable for myself. To be clear, I've never had a hookup and have always been against the idea of it. But after my 2 relationships of taking things slow and being super patient of boundaries, I feel a little more impatient and just want to skip to the good part. I think that's most guys later on in life.
1
1
Reply
Tyana
1y
INFP
Virgo
1w9
1
9
@☀🌿 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴 🌿☀ That’s is also fair. People have needs
0
0
Reply
Ray
1y
ENTP
Taurus
I am critical of the friends before dating.
I prefer to have an agreement of "seeing/testing it out" as you develop friendship.
3
0
Reply
Audrey
1y
INTJ
Capricorn
1w9
1
9
As they say, you can't build a house without strong Fondation. I feel relationships are the same way. If I ever fall in love, I would like the foundation to be strong and a friendship helps to build that strong foundation for something more...at least for me it does.
3
0
Reply
Alex
1y
ISTJ
Cancer
9w1
9
1
I wouldn't want to date someone I can't be friends with
2
1
Reply
Edd
8mo
ISTJ
Sagittarius
8w7
8
7
I agree on this
0
0
Reply
Liz
1y
ENFJ
Libra
Yesss actually i prefer to be friends first to know each other better, see how person acts in different situations, maybe see some redflags haha well, as for me dating is a more responsible kind of relationship and looking for dating, not for a person to chill with and then organically make a stronger connection when you know it's reciprocated, has always been kinda weird for me. Like it feels like dating with a stranger??
I mean there's nothing really wrong with that it takes time instead of just jumping into it
2
0
Reply
Brixton
1y
INFP
Libra
9w1
9
1
I don't date men at all, but I prefer to become friends with people before I date them. If I wouldn't like you as a friend, why would I like you as a romantic/sexual partner?
2
0
Reply
James
1y
INFJ
Sagittarius
For me the transition from friends to dating is much more natural. It does make it easier to know whether or not I can see myself dating said person.
2
0
Reply
Shawna
1y
INFJ
Leo
4w3
4
3
It's not "weird" but it's not some people's speed. If you're fundamentally different on that page, it's a good sign you might not be romantically compatible with eachother.
Nobody should make you feel badly for pursuing similar interests and activities, and seeing if something sparks. Just be open and communicative!
1
1
Reply
Tyana
1y
INFP
Virgo
1w9
1
9
The reason I said weird because people think of the phrase friends before dating is suspicious by itself. Almost as if a person has an ulterior motive in the friendship to get with them. Which is different than what I’m talking about. If you understand what I mean?
0
0
Reply
💫
1y
INFP
Cancer
I think it's important to be friends first. Seeing if you get along together first will make your relationship last longer. Chemistry is nice, but compatibility is just as important! Gotta like someone as a person before you know you'll like them as a partner.
2
0
Reply
Cynthia
1y
INTJ
Cancer
5w6
5
6
Can’t do straight to dating, only friends first then dating. You have to be friends before lovers or else it just doesn’t work
1
0
Reply
Clay
1y
INFP
Gemini
9w1
9
1
Ive been trying to date more like this because I've realized that I tend to move really fast and Im trying to slow down...
Its really difficult to me because I have a hard time seperating platonic and romantic.
Also, If I meet you on an app for dating then I feel trapped in the expectation of dating and I probably won't be able to treat you like just a friend.
Its a bit easier in person because I dont start with that expectation, but if I end up asking you out to do something then Ill probably catch feelings and its all over from there.
1
0
Reply
Piper
1y
ENTJ
Leo
I like to call it the slow flirt, but yes, I agree totally. Most of my lasting romantic relationships started by being platonic for a year or more. The chemistry is better, and in those cases where the romance doesn't work, I've often been able to retain the friendship.
1
0
Reply
Daniel
1y
ESTP
Virgo
8w9
8
9
Actually yea I prefer to be friends to know how they are & get to know them but I usually let them know like Say “I’m Into You etc” and I don’t really care If they wanna go out or anything I’d rather It Just happen naturally If those feelings become Mutual
1
0
Reply
Diane
1y
INFJ
Pisces
It’s a good way to get to know someone first before jumping in head first 😊😊
1
0
Reply
Leemary
1y
ENFP
Pisces
This works out...but both people ahbe to agree to try and see where it goes as a potentialcouple and set a time limit, so that they're not in the friend zone forever, even if it means you split up at the end of it, but it has worked out for me
1
0
Reply
Tania
1y
INFJ
Aries
5w4
5
4
I agree.
Nothing good has come from rushing things anyway😅.
Not everyone is a soulmate . Also in general a soulmate doesn’t have to be romantic
0
0
Reply
Rodrigo
1y
INTJ
Virgo
Uh.. nah
1
0
Reply
Anthony
1y
INFJ
Taurus
The likely outcome of singleman to be a friend with a single woman and then later down the road start dating and eventually become relationship partners is very low.
Especially when both to genuinely agree to pursue that goal (let's be friends first). It's a colossal , verbal, contract commitment.
It's bad news for a man to accept that deal and same news for woman to make that offer.
1
0
Reply
Kyle
1y
INFJ
Leo
I definitely have to get to know someone for at least a few months before I'd even consider wanting to date them. I need to know there's a connection before making that commitment.
1
0
Reply
The Couch
1y
ESFP
Scorpio
So long as you are upfront about it. Nothing worse than wrong intentions
1
0
Reply
Edd
8mo
ISTJ
Sagittarius
8w7
8
7
I used to be taking it slow kind of guy..but now I state my intentions toward long run..and I let thing develop on its own
0
0
Reply
Aya
2mo
INFP
Virgo
Sis yes, I agree with your sentiments. I always feel like being friends allows people to reveal their true selves without the added pressure of trying to impress the other party romantically. Everyone's different though so what works for some may not work for the other and visa versa. Live and let live lol
0
0
Reply
Romance Community
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Posted Sunday, April 3, 2022
1y
1w9
1
9
Friends before dating
I’ve heard that people find it weird if you want to be friends before dating( only if you’re interested in more but taking it slow). Personally I don’t think that’s a bad thing but the other person should know your intentions. Usually I say this because guys can come off a little too strong and I just want it to be chill. I’ll just say let’s just start off as friends. I’m not saying that we should just be friends. Also not talking about people you are already friends with,just someone you recently met. Just to clarify. What’s your opinion on it?
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95
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1y
I agree but for me it's more on being worried they're only here to get a girl and the benefits that come with it.. I want to have a boyfriend who listens and cares like a friend would too. And maybe they'd understand I'm not only their girlfriend but a friend too. Sometimes, it's hard for guys to understand what we meant by this😅 We tell them we want to be friends first but actually we find them attractive but just want to take it slow and get to know them more and then go on dates with them later..we actually aren't saying they can't flirt with us..to just be strictly friends.. 😆 I actually enjoy the getting to know part and flirting here and there.. well that's how it is for me when I'm attracted to someone.. 😅
21
5
1y
1w9
1
9
Exactly this is basically what I’m trying to say lol. Just to take things slow. Doesn’t mean I don’t like or find you unattractive
7
1
1y
@Tyana right? coz we'd have rejected the guy from the very start or ignored them if they weren't even our type smh.. 😆
4
0
1y
That's helpful to read but has me thinking that I may be missing a lot of signals 😅. I think a lot of guys maybe need more direct communication around that kind of thing. I usually just come out and say that I'm attracted to someone and interested in a possible relationship, but I'd like to get to know each other more first in a social setting or on a date.
7
0
1y
1w9
1
9
never did friends then dating it's always been straight to dating
6
1
1y
1w9
1
9
That’s good too. Maybe I need to be detailed because I’m thinking about different factors in that plays in my statement 🤔
0
0
1y
Honest answer here is that I can really only be "into" one person at a time, so I don't do well with having friends that could also be future partners. If you want to be in the friend zone, that's cool, but it's hard to get out once you're there because I'm looking at you platonically now.
4
2
1y
1w9
1
9
I think you maybe viewing it a different way and that’s okay. What I’m just saying is just initially you can start off as friends but you make it aware that you want it to be more in the future. It’s just to take things slow or it can be for personal reasons idk. But that isn’t saying you don’t find that person attractive. I think overall it’s about communication
1
1
1y
@Tyana 100%, communication is crucial. As an INTJ I've learned its importance the hard way. 😂
1
0
1y
7w8
7
8
I definitely prefer to start off as friends because then if you try a relationship and it doesn't work and you end on good terms and it's not awkward then you can still be friends
4
1
1y
1w9
1
9
That’s true
2
0
1y
Either strictly dating or strictly friends. No in-between. Clear definitions are key in all relationships.
4
2
1y
1w9
1
9
That’s okay too! I think that it’s all depends on the people and communication
1
1
1y
@Tyana I respect your pov
0
0
1y
1w9
1
9
I prefer addressing that I have romantic intentions right away. Sure it's a cute idea to move from friends to eventually dating, but I'm not a high school kid that has plenty of time anymore. I'm not going to spend years and years trying to get to know someone before even dating when I could get to know them intimately from the get-go. It's all in how you perceive it and there's no right or wrong for this. Life is short and too many people live in fear of being labelled a hoe. I'm not saying to hoe around or take things extremely fast. Just go with whatever feels right and don't regret.
2
3
1y
1w9
1
9
Yeah that’s true! Also to to be clear I’m only saying for a short amount of time not a year or years because I could see how that could be frustrating. In my perspective I will tell someone if they’re attractive. Also I don’t really like hook up culture and I want to take things slow. I know that some want to have that initial connection but that just depends on your outlook or interacting in general
0
1
1y
1w9
1
9
@Tyana That's completely fair. If it's a few months of communicating then it might be doable for myself. To be clear, I've never had a hookup and have always been against the idea of it. But after my 2 relationships of taking things slow and being super patient of boundaries, I feel a little more impatient and just want to skip to the good part. I think that's most guys later on in life.
1
1
1y
1w9
1
9
@☀🌿 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴 🌿☀ That’s is also fair. People have needs
0
0
1y
I am critical of the friends before dating. I prefer to have an agreement of "seeing/testing it out" as you develop friendship.
3
0
1y
1w9
1
9
As they say, you can't build a house without strong Fondation. I feel relationships are the same way. If I ever fall in love, I would like the foundation to be strong and a friendship helps to build that strong foundation for something more...at least for me it does.
3
0
1y
9w1
9
1
I wouldn't want to date someone I can't be friends with
2
1
8mo
8w7
8
7
I agree on this
0
0
1y
Yesss actually i prefer to be friends first to know each other better, see how person acts in different situations, maybe see some red flags haha well, as for me dating is a more responsible kind of relationship and looking for dating, not for a person to chill with and then organically make a stronger connection when you know it's reciprocated, has always been kinda weird for me. Like it feels like dating with a stranger??
2
3
1y
btw, english is not my native language, so some thoughts can seem strange...haha sorry
1
1
1y
1w9
1
9
Yes! I didn’t really mention red flags. I feel being friends first you can see them clearly than if you were in a relationship
1
0
1y
1w9
1
9
@Liz Also that’s okay🙂
0
0
1y
I agree. I'm just coming out of long term bad relationship and honestly have no interest in another one right now. I think being a good friend is needed building block for anything else
2
0
1y
I mean there's nothing really wrong with that it takes time instead of just jumping into it
2
0
1y
9w1
9
1
I don't date men at all, but I prefer to become friends with people before I date them. If I wouldn't like you as a friend, why would I like you as a romantic/sexual partner?
2
0
1y
For me the transition from friends to dating is much more natural. It does make it easier to know whether or not I can see myself dating said person.
2
0
1y
4w3
4
3
It's not "weird" but it's not some people's speed. If you're fundamentally different on that page, it's a good sign you might not be romantically compatible with eachother. Nobody should make you feel badly for pursuing similar interests and activities, and seeing if something sparks. Just be open and communicative!
1
1
1y
1w9
1
9
The reason I said weird because people think of the phrase friends before dating is suspicious by itself. Almost as if a person has an ulterior motive in the friendship to get with them. Which is different than what I’m talking about. If you understand what I mean?
0
0
1y
I think it's important to be friends first. Seeing if you get along together first will make your relationship last longer. Chemistry is nice, but compatibility is just as important! Gotta like someone as a person before you know you'll like them as a partner.
2
0
1y
5w6
5
6
Can’t do straight to dating, only friends first then dating. You have to be friends before lovers or else it just doesn’t work
1
0
1y
9w1
9
1
Ive been trying to date more like this because I've realized that I tend to move really fast and Im trying to slow down... Its really difficult to me because I have a hard time seperating platonic and romantic. Also, If I meet you on an app for dating then I feel trapped in the expectation of dating and I probably won't be able to treat you like just a friend. Its a bit easier in person because I dont start with that expectation, but if I end up asking you out to do something then Ill probably catch feelings and its all over from there.
1
0
1y
I like to call it the slow flirt, but yes, I agree totally. Most of my lasting romantic relationships started by being platonic for a year or more. The chemistry is better, and in those cases where the romance doesn't work, I've often been able to retain the friendship.
1
0
1y
8w9
8
9
Actually yea I prefer to be friends to know how they are & get to know them but I usually let them know like Say “I’m Into You etc” and I don’t really care If they wanna go out or anything I’d rather It Just happen naturally If those feelings become Mutual
1
0
1y
It’s a good way to get to know someone first before jumping in head first 😊😊
1
0
1y
This works out...but both people ahbe to agree to try and see where it goes as a potential couple and set a time limit, so that they're not in the friend zone forever, even if it means you split up at the end of it, but it has worked out for me
1
0
1y
5w4
5
4
I agree. Nothing good has come from rushing things anyway😅.
1
0
1y
Soulmates are always best of friends, love endures, friendships do not.
0
1
1y
1w9
1
9
Not everyone is a soulmate . Also in general a soulmate doesn’t have to be romantic
0
0
1y
Uh.. nah
1
0
1y
The likely outcome of single man to be a friend with a single woman and then later down the road start dating and eventually become relationship partners is very low. Especially when both to genuinely agree to pursue that goal (let's be friends first). It's a colossal , verbal, contract commitment. It's bad news for a man to accept that deal and same news for woman to make that offer.
1
0
1y
I definitely have to get to know someone for at least a few months before I'd even consider wanting to date them. I need to know there's a connection before making that commitment.
1
0
1y
So long as you are upfront about it. Nothing worse than wrong intentions
1
0
8mo
8w7
8
7
I used to be taking it slow kind of guy..but now I state my intentions toward long run..and I let thing develop on its own
0
0
2mo
Sis yes, I agree with your sentiments. I always feel like being friends allows people to reveal their true selves without the added pressure of trying to impress the other party romantically. Everyone's different though so what works for some may not work for the other and visa versa. Live and let live lol
0
0