Anyone else hear this BS a lot growing up?

Amen! Men in particular struggle to be open about their feelings

All of them , but it all comes from a place of ego and not wanting or being too prideful to communicate what really is going on

Injucted like a mofo😅

@David Alex 😉😋

@Nate ever wonder why that is? It's genetic as much as social and psychological

I thought that for most of my life, until I realized how often I intentionally surpressed my own emotions/needs to avoid being a burden to my parent and just people in general. Considering it was their choice to even have kids, it just didn't make sense to me anymore. For example, statement (A). Food & shelter is literally the basic requirement of any caretaker. Kids are human beings, not pets or plants. Adults often take the easy way out of parenting by minimizing and dismissing their childs needs.

@Nikki They may be basic needs but they still cost money, pressure of external situations can cause stress, children who don't know the expectations of the outside world cause stress, quick remarks without thought or care are normal and human. Agreed, our generation know the impact of remarks but their generation things were what they were and explaining to children was not the done thing. I also think that this generation over analyse and over think, I'm not saying that's what's happening here, I just think that sometimes quick remarks are just that and as humans we should be able to learn that, for that to happen, we need to experience it. Also as adults we see things from an adult perspective, again it's something we learn to do.

@Jessica Oh, yeah I totally empathize; keeping up with life stresses is difficult. Becoming a parent (in most cases) is still a choice. These stresses were most likely already in a person's life before they decided to have kids, so it seems quite unfair to place the blame on a child that didn't even ask to be in that situation. It's also unrealistic to expect a child to understand an adult's perspective and responsibilities in the world. I'm not at all invalidating anyone's stress/trauma in life. The least a parent could do is not pass their stress/trauma onto their kids, which means parents would have to take responsibility for their mistakes and take steps to heal their own traumas (ideally before having kids in the first place lol).

🙌🏾 agree

@Nikki Off the cuff remarks are not placing stresses on children they are just that quick remarks. The remarks you quoted above are just comments, they're not sitting their children down and asking them to understand anything. Expecting parents to see things from different generations perspective imo is not fair, they were bought up differently, with different values and ways of doing things. Things we see as being wrong today, we're the way things was in theirs. On this I think we're agree to disagree about the responses/impact said quotes have. For me they are just comments that don't need to be taken seriously, for others I accept their response may be different.

@Nikki So while making breakfast I had some reflective thinking time and it occurred to me that these are situational. If child asks for help with homework or cuddle and parents response is "I feed, clothe and house you, what more do you want?" Then that's neglectful but if a child asks for a new pair of shoes and already has a decent pair then it's a off the cuff comment.. Just food for thought? Maybe?

@Jessica Yea they cost money, having a kid costs money, should've thought about that before having them. Common sense.

@Ezequiel Safe contraception was available until 1960s, our parents parents didn't have a choice. Sex meant babies and that was that. Our parents (for me anyhow) was born in the 50s/60s and by the time they were teens it was late 60s early 70s. Look at the social economy of that time. Drugs, parties and orgies. Money was tight for everyone, hand me downs were the normal in every family. Teens naturally seek validation, it part of there natural growth socially, I'm sure that if we grew up in that era, 95% of us would have had kids without thought of repercussions, or money. Your all asking people to see from your view without thought or care for their perspective or from the generation they came from. It was different, especially economicly.

@Jessica It's a simple thought that doesn't even need a specific point of view. A car costs money to keep. No money? No car. A kid costs money to keep alive. No money? No kid, or a bad future for the progenitors as they are forced to keep a bad job most of the times. People in the eras you mentioned simply didn't care because everyone else did the same (group influence), and did drugs, parties, and orgies. Or were simply uninformed. If i had to give an opinion, i would say that they were mentally weak against group influence, mostly. I'm not saying i'm a perfect adult because i'm not, but properly thinking about the consequences of one's actions is part of being one, independently of the era.

@Ezequiel Your answer is reflective of your age. Life does not always work that way and neither do people. Its not a black n white, right or wrong thing. I was skint when I had my child and yet have built a good life for her and myself. As for your comment about eras and being responsible and mentally weak.. I just have no words for your ignorance or nievity, you are either very black and white in your thinking and oblivious to the many grey of human nature or your just ignorant and sitting high up on a pedestal while judging what is right and wrong when it comes to such subjects. As far as I'm concerned this conversation is over because we clearly think and feel very differently in this subject. Money does not make a good parent, nor is the main perspective for having children in a majority of people's lives, and these people shouldn't be judged for it.

@Jessica I have seen a lot of people in the situations i described and got to that conclusion, but in this case i suspect it has to do more with our surroundings and experiences. At least here, it was like that. I agree our opinions are really different, but that's probably the result of different experiences in different cultures.

Oof.. I felt that.. My ex used to use that line on me too.

Hmm. I notice people throw the word respect around a lot. Parents don't own their kids, and kids owe their parents nothing. What they actually mean with respect is, "I want you to let me control you without you questioning it or fighting back." A parent who uses their size, intellect, and power to shame/scare a child into compliance certainly isn't someone I would have genuine respect for.

:/ Yep, all too familiar with that one

@Nikki My parents deadass had different strikes that could fill up the rest of the alphabet lol

sounds like you want more and to be good at it.. putting that lable on your self is distructive of what makes you... you.. we learn the basics from brutal methods. as adults we make the distinction we want to.. i would say your growing up and they got you this far.

@Danny You're right. I want more and I'm working for it. What I meant was, I am workaholic and perfectionist. I have a tendency to beat myself up if I don't achieve something in a predefined time period, I'm trying to be more flexible with work and my life. I am trying to go easy on myself and enjoy life while I still can! 😄

@Hardik i think your doing great as your life goes. maybe name picking isn't your stong suit though whahahahahahaaa.. have a great day, but don't get bummed out if it is not perfect( i understand 100% but i wouldn't change me) some one will say were not the same cuz of those letters by our names but i have plenty of days were i kick my ass up and down. and putting a lable on our selves is what they want to categorize us.. we are all diffrent everyday maybe even by the minutes.. all i am saying is want more if you want. and let other not if they so choose. and theres nothing wrong with any of you.. minus a few exseptions

@Danny Haha thanks! I like my name and it has a really good meaning. It means "from the bottom of the heart." I think that category helped me understand myself a bit better and now I am taking actions based on that. I feel better after I found out about my personality thingy! It can be different for everyone tho, İ score pretty high on openness scale :)

@Hardik lol, so many puns or jokes i could do with what the meaning is.. but i will resist the urge.. lol couldnt help that.. and i would say you must be open or you wouldnt say anything.. kudos bro, and i mean that from the bottom of my heart! )

@Danny Hahaha I know that urge! Good talking with you :)

My post isn't really about what parents/caretakers could/couldn't provide on a material level. I'm highlighting the lack of compassion that parents/caregivers tend to show towards children, who really had nothing to do with those difficult circumstances that they were born into. While their feelings about life's difficulties are completely valid, projecting that frustration, bitterness, and fear of lack onto children is damaging and may cause kids to perpetuate the same behavior as adults.

@Nikki off the cuff I think you are over stating your case. However I see wisdom and will reconsider my position

children aren't your slaves just because you couldn't afford one Making one and depriving them of what they should have growing up Should be your crime