So I was talking to someone I have known for awhile now the other day He was being completely open and honest which I respect 💯 He was saying men cannot be just friends with a woman. He even said that listening to a woman explain her daily moments good and bad, past events and and griefs were all fine as long as he got his payment. (Aka --intimate conversations and pics, videos ect) All things involved with friendship yet no pursuit towards a future. Also saying this is normal and it's lunacy not to accept this type of behavior. SERIOUSLY ❓❓❓😒🙄 Proving my point that most people are content in their own little kingdom playing a role and will be bored until their next fix comes along to entertain them. What shallowness is the minds of humans. Where are the Real Men and Women who will make a difference and live without limitations and have true Freedom to create many adventures?????🔎🔎🔎 I also will say this it all begins in the heart and mind. If you choose poison you will eventually be consumed. If you choose real sustenance you will be strong and have a life of peace and prosper. I'm Done now shoot if you dare😁🎤 (edited)

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Lewis

12d

ISTJ

Aquarius

My own personal perspective is what he says is true to a degree.. humans in general look to gain from their actions.. even if it's just the knowledge of helping someone to make themselves feel good. Selfless acts are in my own experience a real rarity.

Joshua

12d

INFJ

Sagittarius

That's amazing. Expecting "payment"? This doesn't even register as a potential thought in my paradigm. People are broken. Avoid that guy like a plague. Not all men are Iike this.

Maceo

12d

ISTJ

Aries

It's not complicated; Chicks have male friends who are gay or who are relatives; Some women are the exact counterparts of men like this; Each person is different, and did this "Someone," travel the country and do empirical research or something?! 😂😏👎🏾

AJ aka Moonchild 🌕🌙

12d

ENFP

Cancer

Intimacy is a deeply personal and mutual connection that should be desired and cherished by both parties in a relationship, rather than viewed as a transactional form of payment for companionship. It rises above mere physical or sexual interactions, encompassing meaningful conversations, the sharing of secrets, and the understanding of each other's lives. A truly fulfilling relationship is one where both individuals feel free and open, without imposed limitations or expectations. It is important to recognize that intimacy is not a guaranteed aspect of every friendship between men and women; friendship can exist independently of intimate bonds. True intimacy, when it does occur, is a natural and consensual expression of mutual respect, trust, and affection.

Natasha

12d

INTP

Cancer

This never surprises me.

Chip

12d

INFJ

Aries

I kinda agree with him. I don't think men and women can just be friends. Someone is looking for something typically.... Just my opinion though

Dwayne Cobb

12d

INTP

Aries

Hi, I'm new to the app and late to this thread, but here's my take. I agree with the most of the comments. However, if you can maintain a friendship, I think there is always something to be gained from it. That "something" can be romance or it can be something else of value. I have a close female friend. We're both single. She wants to be in a relationship. I don't (I just don't think we'd work). Her friends think I'm wasting her time, but then they are almost all either single or failing at marriage. And I'm not disparaging them. I just think (and this is just my opinion) maintaining a friendship with someone who is of the opposite sex demonstrates your ability to care for someone without demanding sex in return. My theory is this: if my friend and I were in a relationship or marriage and the intimacy dwindles for a time, we would have our friendship to fall back on until we figure out how to get that romance back.

Nat

11d

INTP

Capricorn

I had a male friend like that. We never did anything that even suggested anything other than friendship. And yes he's straight 🤣🤣🤣 so these discussions really confuse me. Also, no I didn't reject him (to my knowledge at least) he just started d**g's and I dont want a bar of it.

Chandler

12d

ENFP

Scorpio

I have several female friends. So for me, I absolutely can be friends with a woman. I think maybe this can't be friends things may be closer to truth in younger folks who run in circles of attractive or flirty younger people. Folks more adventurous if younwill. Im tapdancing around promiscuous. Don't grade my grammar. Please. There is a lot to unpack in your post. It's like a three parter, fun! Thanks for the thought provoking convo of sorts. Have a nice day

Scott

12d

ISTP

Gemini

One dude does not speak for all of us. If I'm listening to someone speak about their day or their problems, I do not expect "payment." I do it because I want to and genuinely like to help people if I can.

John

12d

INTJ

Libra

Let me unpack that…

Clifton "Clay" Goodwin

INFP

Sagittarius

This is cynical, transactional and this person is a taker. A good woman needs her man to be generous with his time and his heart, his creativity and his truth.

Mike

11d

ISFJ

Capricorn

Wow, you really hit the nail on the head with this one. It’s sad that some people think relationships, even friendships, are just transactional. I’ve always believed that real connections are about mutual respect, understanding, and genuine care for each other. True freedom, like you said, comes from living authentically and surrounding yourself with people who uplift you, not just entertain you for a moment. It’s rare to find someone who sees the world the way you do, and it’s honestly refreshing. I’m all about those real adventures and meaningful connections too. Shoot, I’m definitely intrigued by this conversation! 😁🎤"

Jeff Wolfe

12d

ISTJ

Capricorn

Let me ask you this in response to some immature little boys generalization of all 4 billion members of the male gender do you believe in the science of DNA

Ian

12d

ESTP

Sagittarius

Errr, you probably wouldn't be surprised to find out that tons of men view things in this transactional manner.... Which is why most of my close, lifelong friends are women.

Paul

12d

INTP

Aries

Perfectly said

Phillip

11d

INTJ

Aquarius

Some people are transactional in their relationships, but that logic befuddles me. It seems so shallow, devoid of a true connection, and frankly it goes against a person's bodily autonomy. There is so much "ick" to it. People of all genders can absolutely be friends without ulterior motives or "payment" being expected or required. This transactional specter is exactly why I insist on each person paying their own way on the first few dates - it removes that feeling of supposed obligation or owing the paying person.

Michele

10d

INTJ

Virgo

I disagree with him to a certain point, there are many ways a woman and a man can be friends: They can be ex who tried a relationship and it didn’t work, I think, having some past relationship doesnt mean you were exactly compatible as a couple, but it doesn’t have to end in “I block you everywhere” if you are mature enough and realize that some people aren’t meant to be together. You can speak to a woman and after a certain point, if no feelings are developed you just go into a friendship. I don’t think anyone who is a man or a woman should ask something in return for some pseudo listenting, like what’s that a market? I don’t know but this sounds and looks sick to me.. no offense, I would never ask anything for some listening, maybe a drink or something for “fun”, but that would be it 🤣 (edited)

SpikyOrion

11d

INFJ

Virgo

Simply put..all this sounds like a monthly subscription you pay and never know when its gonna get canceled

Chandler

12d

ENFP

Scorpio

Was good. The dog food in the bowl is for the begging resident schnauzer

Craig

11d

INFJ

Libra

Eeww. He sounds toxic Elissa. We're of a similar age. My best friend of nearly 25 years is a woman. There has never been any chemistry; we are both the opposite of what we both like but we have built up a platonic relationship based on love & respect. I would be devastated to lose her

Chandler

12d

ENFP

Scorpio

I gotta figure out the butto to save it so I can chew it over a bit. Got sidetracked making dinner.

Chandler

12d

ENFP

Scorpio

The pup insists he gets to eat with us, me and my aunt. When ever I visit. She can't cook anymore so to keep her healthy on her low uric acid diet I chef a bit.

Anthony

11d

ISTJ

Aries

I'll give you some real experiences without even claiming a side. 1. There was one girl in high school who wanted to be with me. I wanted to be just friends. 2. I had very few girl friends in high school. 3. The few I remember talking to most were either into me more or vice versa, yet nothing came of it. 4. My first real gf started out as acquaintances for years. It's hard to even really say we were friends. We just knew each other and spoke. 5. When she did start showing interest, it was pretty clear that she was more interested than just friends. 6. While we were together she told me many times that guys that were just friends hit on her. 7. One of the guys in question was trying really hard to be more. 8. She lied to me once about visiting him after work one night. 9. Before us, a different guy another friend, tried to take her across the country and then kinda forced himself on her once. 10. The next girl lived with a roommate, just friend. Yet two months of dating in she told me she had been lying. They originally were together and moved here together and still hooked up and everything else. That and similar situations went on intermittently for 3 years. 11. The day I ended our last attempt at a real relationship she hooked up with a guy who had always been just a friend. Though she admitted once that he wanted more all while playing dumb to it until he finally told her. Yet that didn't stop them hanging out. I chose to trust her. The fact that the first thing she did when I broke up with her is go sleep with him is just profound. 12. Another was still trying to be friends with her abusive ex. A few weeks in she literally told me she had feelings for him still and was going to probably hook up with him. 13. Met one girl around then who I was slightly interested in and then lost interest. I went to hang out with her just as friends and she begged me to sleep with her for a whole evening while I was sick and miserable. I did and it led to her claiming I led her own. I told her I wanted to be strictly friends and nothing else, and she stopped talking to me. 14. Met a girl I was basically in love with but she was living with an abusive ex. We were supposedly just friends forever. I always wanted more. She eventually gave in, and we started sleeping together. She even said she loved me at one point before flipping again and going to hook up with another abusive guy. Later with yet another she cheated on him with me then blamed me for it. And after that she told me she never had feelings for me and never liked having sex with me. Yet she would literally keep doing it while I was trying to sleep. And even if she didn't, that's still not just friends. 15. Just massive examples of friends and acquaintances stories. 16. Both my parents cheated on each other with family friends. 17. My mom married one of her and my dad's friends. 18. I have every once in awhile heard of a man and woman being only friends, but in every case that I actually really talked to them they have at the very least flirted at some point if not flat out hooked up or said they would given the chance. 19. I read an article once about a study in which they surveyed and interviewed people on whether they had any romantic interests in friends. The results were something like 50% of men admitted to having a backup girlfriend who basically they either thought or planned would date them if their current partner ever left. The number was around 80% for women. All of this is just my experiences. I can't speak for anyone else. But after giving you that, I will say my view is that sure, men and women CAN be friends, BUT there is almost always some sort of extra feeling there that isn't there with their same sex friends, even if it's just a thought that yeah they would be a good partner if I wasn't already taken, but usually much more, and often full on hookups and cheating. So it's so rare unless you're specifically only choosing friends that have none of your traits you'd find attractive, that it's almost a non question. I will never trust a woman with a roommate that is a man or who still meets up with her exes or lies about them, and it's going to be hard to just have no reservations for when they say "he's just a friend," because factual life experiences has given me such good logical reasoning as to why I should not believe that.

Chandler

12d

ENFP

Scorpio

Filet mignon with a sundried tomato pesto dollop, melted because I don't let the meat rest. I was hangry. Roasted red potatoes with just a few herbs and cilantro messy garnish salted green beans with a soft cheese, forgot the name, and pumpkin seed garnish. The steak med rare. I didn't expect to show anyone or I'd have aid more attention to plating.

Thomas

12d

ENFP

Sagittarius

Id be fine just talking to someone or having them talk to me I love in the mountains alone 😭

Wendell

12d

INFP

Aquarius

Men can be just friends with women. Period

Maria

11d

ENTP

Leo

Absolutely. Not all men are like this but because the most are it hard to trust any man, unless you've been through thick and thin for some time. There's always underlying anxiety "does he say that because we're pals, or is it a part of a scheme". Broken men screw it up for all men, really.

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Conversations 🧐🙄🙄🧐

Thoughts Community

My own personal perspective is what he says is true to a degree.. humans in general look to gain from their actions.. even if it's just the knowledge of helping someone to make themselves feel good. Selfless acts are in my own experience a real rarity.

That's amazing. Expecting "payment"? This doesn't even register as a potential thought in my paradigm. People are broken. Avoid that guy like a plague. Not all men are Iike this.

It's not complicated; Chicks have male friends who are gay or who are relatives; Some women are the exact counterparts of men like this; Each person is different, and did this "Someone," travel the country and do empirical research or something?! 😂😏👎🏾

This never surprises me.

I kinda agree with him. I don't think men and women can just be friends. Someone is looking for something typically.... Just my opinion though

I had a male friend like that. We never did anything that even suggested anything other than friendship. And yes he's straight 🤣🤣🤣 so these discussions really confuse me. Also, no I didn't reject him (to my knowledge at least) he just started d**g's and I dont want a bar of it.

One dude does not speak for all of us. If I'm listening to someone speak about their day or their problems, I do not expect "payment." I do it because I want to and genuinely like to help people if I can.

Let me unpack that…

This is cynical, transactional and this person is a taker. A good woman needs her man to be generous with his time and his heart, his creativity and his truth.

Let me ask you this in response to some immature little boys generalization of all 4 billion members of the male gender do you believe in the science of DNA

Errr, you probably wouldn't be surprised to find out that tons of men view things in this transactional manner.... Which is why most of my close, lifelong friends are women.

Perfectly said

Simply put..all this sounds like a monthly subscription you pay and never know when its gonna get canceled

Was good. The dog food in the bowl is for the begging resident schnauzer

Eeww. He sounds toxic Elissa. We're of a similar age. My best friend of nearly 25 years is a woman. There has never been any chemistry; we are both the opposite of what we both like but we have built up a platonic relationship based on love & respect. I would be devastated to lose her

I gotta figure out the butto to save it so I can chew it over a bit. Got sidetracked making dinner.

The pup insists he gets to eat with us, me and my aunt. When ever I visit. She can't cook anymore so to keep her healthy on her low uric acid diet I chef a bit.

Id be fine just talking to someone or having them talk to me I love in the mountains alone 😭

Men can be just friends with women. Period

Absolutely. Not all men are like this but because the most are it hard to trust any man, unless you've been through thick and thin for some time. There's always underlying anxiety "does he say that because we're pals, or is it a part of a scheme". Broken men screw it up for all men, really.

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