***An old tragic story*** "We were never really in control of anything. And sometimes, finding peace means letting some people go. Love isn't always enough." - K He was there when I was off the right track and rotted in sadness. He was there when I was wrecked and hopeless. He was there. Every single day. Every single time. And he staying where I am, listening thru my thoughts, keeping me company, making me sane and offering his time and presence... For a moment, it made me happy. For a moment, it made me feel alive. He made me realized that there is so much beauty in life. That I can be happy again. That there is always light in life and that there is always hope in love. That there will always be a sun that shines after a heavy storm. He made me feel better. He taught me to see life again in all its brightest colors. He made me feel like I'm the luckiest girl ever living. He made me feel that I can be whole again on my own. He believed in me. He appreciated me despite my cuts and wounds and his existence was the answer to heal my heart. He made everything so easy because He. Loved. Me. So i took the chance— i let myself fall in love with him and we fell in love with each other. We were so happy. Our hearts were in harmony, our smiles were infinity, our souls were lively. No commitments, but we were having so much serenity with what we have. Not too much. Not too less. It was simple yet secured. It was uncertain but it was real. He was my little infinity of happiness. We were almost there but we were never really in control of anything in any way-- and one day, we lost it. What we have. What we do. How we are. We. Lost. Everything. I don't blame him or me or anyone. Life happens. And I realized that what we had, did happen in a really poor timing. His life was messy even before we started everything. My life wasn't as messy as I thought but after I lost him, I realized it was. My life was a bit worse than his. It hit me thinking I couldn't give him my all, I couldn't give him the time, the attention, the emotional support he needed, the love that he deserve because I realized--- I can't even give it to myself. So when he left and decided to stop, I never fought. Because I too, can't even fight for us. It has been a month and we never really had the chance to regain everything back. No matter how much we wanted to. No matter how much we try. Some things aren’t really meant to happen. I really miss him a lot. I miss his voice, his laugh, the way he does that half smile, the way he look at me like I'm a mysterious tv series show. I miss how he always make me feel-- happy, inspired and grateful. How he gave me joy with his little gestures and random surprises. How he always manage to keep me sane and rational. How he always make me see my worth, my strengths, my deepest desires to pursue and how he always push me to become a better me. I miss how serene everything was. He brought peace in my life and I missed it. I miss everything about him-- everything about us. Maybe we had to part because maybe God knows we weren't ready after all. That maybe we need to fix ourselves first before pursuing what we had. That maybe we have to fill our souls with love before we can give it back to each other. That maybe we have to build our lives, build a strong emotional foundation & keep a well built inner peace. That maybe we have to mend the broken pieces and the heavy baggage's we are bringing within us. That maybe we have to learn more about ourselves, on our own. Maybe we have to keep away from each other for us to make ourselves the better version of ours. Maybe we had to be apart because both were not ready. Because both were having overwhelming issues. Because both were having a toxic life even before and up until we found each other— and maybe that is the reason why. Meeting someone that could have been the best thing that happen to you and lose them without warning can be the bluest thing you will ever have to take, deal and live with. Life will always be messy as expected. And love? Yes, love could conquer all but Love isn't always enough. I could have choose to stay and waited but I still have a life to figure out. I couldn’t fight for it. He could have stayed and fought but he needed to fix his life as well. What we built and what we had wasn’t enough, because our burdens were heavier than what we feel for each other. We were in a war between inevitable things, and that left us with no guarantee. I may never know what would happen in the future, but for sure I know that he was one of the most special person I’ve known my whole life. I might have fears of the unknown about us but I do know someday, both will find happiness. Both will find satisfaction in all the littlest and biggest things we do in life which was lacking deep within us. In the end, I’m hoping both will grow its capabilities and will be brave enough, become the person we are meant to become and fulfill the things we chose to prioritize. Successful, inlove and inspired, strong and passionate. And if we ever fall in love again? Might it be with each other or not, I hope this time, it is by God's grace and in God's perfect time. Though, thoughts of him will always be wandering for sure inside my head, and my heart? My heart will always be asking these two things--- “What if we stayed?" "What if we went all the way?” (edited)