William

Δημοσιεύτηκε Δευτέρα 18 Μαρτίου 2024

1μήν.

INFJ

Σκορπιός

I guess this is where the questions will go from now on. Today's question: can you describe the first memory you have of feeling alone?

I'll go first: My first memory of feeling alone is when I was 3 1/2, the memory begins in the kitchen at my grandparents house in Louisiana when they got the call that my father had passed away after being sick for a long time. I say "they" specifically because even though I didn't pick up the phone or hear any of the call and even though I was only 3, I KNEW in my gut and my heart and my head and my soul that my dad was dead. But the whole ride up there I guess the adults couldn't figure out how to actually tell me that so I was so conflicted within and without and have carried the stress and anxiety of that moment with me for most of my life until just recently. When we finally got to New Jersey and arrived at my aunt's house, where my dad had been staying ever since he had been too sick to walk around, I remember flinging the side door of the van open and running through the front door and up the stairs to his room as fast as I could. The bed in his room was neatly made...and the loneliness I felt the whole drive up there but couldn't really lean into (because I wasn't sure if my assessment of the situation was correct and if the rest of my family was really telling the truth) engulfed me. I don't remember anything after that.