Rideordie

[Trying to flirt] I had several dreams about you. None of them good, very ambiguous actually. But hopefully this means something.

How I feel when I wake up for work at the ass crack of dawn and see that the car is covered in snow🫠 (edited)

🫡

thanks 🥲

Impressive

I love this account 🤣🐦

The best roast I heard a kid say to another.

-Do you read any books? -No. -I could tell! And the best part was that the other kid didn't even get it! Tbh I don't think even the first kid fully understood what he said. The joys of being a teacher! 🤣

Me

When people are backstabbing me.

ใช่, แน่นอน, ชัวร์, เอามาให้หมด, ให้ได้เท่าไรละ, ไหนละเงิน 😆🤣🤣 (edited)

👻

American Cops

Throw back to when American cops let me keep my breathalyzer test (thought I was drunk driving) lol. After 20 minutes of physical tests on the side of the road they pulled the breathalyzer out, I blew .000 and I asked for a picture for my memories haha before they let me go hahaha

Hashtag dadjokes

🐶

🤗

😆

Funny thing about breakups

Is that whilst you're here falling apart the other said person is frolicking through the fields living their best life as if they didn't just rip your beating heart out of your chest. Haha. Such a funny thing.

Word of the day

Sums up life perfectly

Looking at the temperature outside. Absolutely not participating in society today. No. Good luck everyone. Sitting this one out.

Good Morning……..

Have a good day ahead everyone!

👌

Ok who is he/she

You need Super Hero during your Day?

👌🏻

😄

Deep...spiritual humor :))

Me and my baby ...since ive turned 40 🤣🤣

Matteo why you keep hurting mommy's 😭😭😭

It's quiet...too quiet. Oh right... it's after midnight. Silly me!

Womp womp

Wooden Pants?...

Anyone ever heard of wooden pants? Found this "unique" pair at work last year and tried 'em on for size😅

Hello

Hello

I just want some credit for trying my best

Look, I'm trying my best. Can I just get a little bit of recognition for being "not bad" at chopsticks? Like, I'm OK. I'm not really good, but I'm also not bad. I'm serviceable. And that's more than some can say.

Lmao

I can't believe my cat Munchkin made me turn into a panicked mom for a sec. Usually she's pretty clean but this time she followed me to my bed and smelled poopy. I didn't notice until she layed next to my head and since I just washed my blanket not long ago due to Marilyn throwing up on it I wasn't... read more

Ferrel's advice

I will never not laugh at this.

II’ll probably never know the full context behind why such a beautifully timed burn entered the world. All I know is that a joke was made, someone who doesn’t know how to laugh took it personally, and instead of moving on with their day, chose offense. What I do know is that it will always make me... read more

morning😀😀😀👾🛸

Nope...

It's Friday, afterall...

I wonder, if I were a marshmallow would I care? Hmm...