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I first heard the term on a workshop with the (late) Robert Gonzales on NVCacademy several years ago. And it made a lot of sense to me. That in our childhood, expressing specific needs/feelings, felt overwhelmingly dangerous to the point of obliteration.


And despite us growing up, the feelings from that periode of our lives linger on - rapidly draining our emotional/cognitive batteries if and when we start to get close.


To me, expressing that I have an important need, that goes critically unmet especially in close relationships, is terrifying. It is a specific kind of dread, and noticing that it felt closer to a fear lf annihilation, has made it easier to self-connect. That it is the feelings of an inner child, and not 'really' a sign of imminent doom.

Having worked on NVC with chosen family for a decade, there have been progress, to the point where I couldn't really imagine expressing my needs as clearly. Nevertheless, I still feel a strong wave of dread and anxiety, that takes me many hours to process, when I express my unmet needs.


Wanted to share, as it has been a helpful perspective; and supported me and us be more compassionate and gentle with ourselves. 🦎🌼❤️🩵

Fear of annihilation/obliteration when openly and directly expressing our needs?

we should care more about the accurate evalyation of context than the use of NVC. without clear assessment .. nvc just becomes lying either by omission or by indirect validation

generic analysis is underestimated

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Fear of annihilation/obliteration when openly and directly expressing our needs?

generic analysis is underestimated