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Jokeoftheday

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I don't want to get angry because when I get angry, I'm so beautiful 🤣🤣 #jokeoftheday

Ayokong magalit dahil pag nagalit ako, sobrang ganda ko 🤣🤣

Feeling snackish but no snacks around🤧🤣

Sad life🤧🤣

Today I'm putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

My wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen so she sprayed everything down & cleaned thoroughly.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

What do you call an army of babies?

CLAUStrophobia!

-Probably snagged his sack on the way down-

What do you call it when Santa gets stuck in the chimney and freaks out?

She said, “Did she eat red meat?”  I said, “No. She minded her own business.”

My coworker said: “ You should not eat red meat.” I said, “My grandmother lived to be 97.”…

Always..😅

The librarian replied, "It rings a bell, but I'm not sure if it's here or not."

A man walked into a library and asked the librarian, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrödinger's cat?

My friend suggests: 

Just say sorry for your loss and move on.

Apparently,  I wasn’t supposed to say “move on”.

Whenever I attend a funeral I don’t know what to do….

The shortest complete sentence in the English language is “I am”. The longest sentence is also just 2 words with  3 letters total….

I went on a date with a girl who said she likes to spend a lot of time in her apiary.

What fruit has to get married in a church?

The wood is dead and the balls are just for decoration.

What does a 90 year old man have in common with a Christmas tree?

Sea Kelp. You don’t have to face this abalone!

If ever you get addicted to smoking seaweed the one thing you should do is...

If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?

What do you call a flying monk?

Gravity is one of the fundamental forces of the universe. What happens when it is removed?

We should have known communism was a bad idea

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

What did Tennessee? 

The same thing Arkansas.

One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment!

What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?

People who worship paper bags

Because it tastes so much better with water!

Why should you never take aspirin with diarrhea?

They get 4 pumps, I take $6 out of their purse, and yet they still wanna see me the next day.

Everything I learned about dating women, I learned from Starbucks

Why was algebra was the easiest subject for high school students in Ancient Rome?

Tenor twelve feet away from all musical instruments at all times.

After hearing me sing, my music teacher told me I should be tenor….

Who was the most confident knight in King Arthur's court ?

The only drawback is that you can't use it to power a vehicle; its a stationery engine.

I've finally perfected an internal combustion engine to power a generator and it runs entirely on shredded envelopes and notepads.

Because they need to do many pushes and their releases are delayed and when they finally finish it's still a pile of sh*t.

Why are bad software engineers are all constipated?

That’s because ..tuna half hours  = 150 minutes.

Scientists have confirmed that tuna ages five times faster than humans.

They lowered his coffin into the ground, then raised it back up, turned it around, and lowered it back down again. 

It still didn't fit, so they turned it back around to the first way & it went in fine.

I was at the inventor of the USB stick's funeral yesterday.

The genie tells him: "Alright, you get 2 wishes." To which the man replies, "I thought it was 3 wishes?" The genie responds: "Check your pants, I've been doing this a long time."

A man encounters a genie...

How’s it going so far? Well, there’s prose and cons.

I’ve got a new business, we set up libraries in prisons

People are really impressed when I tell them I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

I renamed my toilet from John to Jim

What’s a cannibals favorite snack?

I used to love Mitch Hedberg

First person: *Thud*... 'Aaaaaaa...!!'

Second person: 'Aaaaaaa...!!'...*Thud*

What is the difference between a person falling from the first floor and a person falling from the twentieth?

How much does corn cost a pirate?

A Boo community for meeting other Jokeoftheday enthusiasts.

Jokeoftheday Community

Ayokong magalit dahil pag nagalit ako, sobrang ganda ko 🤣🤣

Sad life🤧🤣

My wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen so she sprayed everything down & cleaned thoroughly.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

What do you call an army of babies?

What do you call it when Santa gets stuck in the chimney and freaks out?

Why do nurses carry red crayons?

Joke of the day #2 Where’s a place you should never take a dog? A flea market!

Tutorial: Warming up the Hands!

THE ONLY CALL I WOULD NEVER IGNORE

HAPPY MON(STER)DAY EVERYONE ✌🏻🤡

Our top story: NASA sends probe to Uranus. People everywhere giggle.