Trent

Posted Friday, January 26, 2024

3mo

INTP

Aquarius

2

1

Master manipulator

It seems the engine that drives me is far more intelligent than I am if that makes sense? The strangest concept became clear to me. The selfish desire to not want to be alone, and the need in me to push people to grow seem to be at the core of what moves me before I know whats going on. Its like playing a constant game of catch up to figure out what I did, why, what the cause of it was, and how to learn from it. I am a master manipulator. The engine at my core seems to ignore moral grounds if it means pushing someone I love to grow, even if it means pushing them away to be with themselves for a while, causing me great pain, a lot of heartache and "omg wtf am I doing, can I please stop?" And then later, as usual 🙄 I find out it was the best answer and it helped them become a better person. This kind of weird philanthropy makes me uncomfortable. My internal engine doesnt give a f ck how I feel. It just goes around changing peoples lives for the better and I'm not sure I want to stop it 🫤