I was indirectly compared to Ted Bundy today. It actually makes my day. Among many other things I am the weirdest person I know, I don't think Ted can top me. I'm not a homicidal rapist, basically the opposite but I'm definitely weirder than anyone I've personally met. The thing that sticks out to me is this (I will post an accompaning picture of my general "get up" aka "it's not dirty/enough yet for it's intended purpose, easy reach") I have had extremely low self esteem my entire life, primary BECAUSE of feeling awkward and weird around people. Generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, emotionally unstable personality disorder, autism, and otherwise un-related to this topic disorders. Now, the first time I was left in pre school I cried all day, I suspect my mother thinks something happened to me, I highly doubt it I remember just crying from the moment she left. She didn't take me back, I basically started group socialization late which is the exact opposite of what you're supposed to do in these situations without proof that something occurred, and there's no excuse, my grandfather is/was a psychiatrist. Either way I never even when it was a "steady" neighborhood with the same people I knew really felt particularly comfortable or okay around most of them. I remember a particular birthday party in one of my dad's friends house feeling so uncomfortable around the piñata, literally the adults got candy for me... It's never really eased up, it's not like I'm AS sensitive to all that, self-imposed exposure and heavy psychedelic therapy has made me desensitized to some degree to discomfort. The very first "consultation" I did before I even officially had a business there was sweat dripping down my back and legs, I must have looked sick or about to pass out, but I did it and got the job. I don't sweat anymore, I don't shake, I can walk up to ANY random person now and ask or say whatever I feel like regardless how uncomfortable it makes me (and even the other person probably). I got compared to Ted Bundy. Yo. That's a big compliment for me. He was a POS and deserved what he got and worse, but people thought he was charismatic! That's insane for me to hear. I give off a weird vibe, okay.. I'm standing in front of you and telling you off though. That for me, it's an accomplishment. The adults don't need to get candy for me anymore.

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