Nicole

Posted Tuesday, May 14, 2024

15d

ISTP

Capricorn

I genuinely don't know if I'm just an unappealing prospect as a dominant woman. I've been dominant for 4 years and been single for all of that

This is not me fishing for compliments or anything it's more venting and just like wondering what the heck. When most people get to know me now they usually just want to be friends and I don't know I just miss people having a crush on me. Someone flirting with me. Someone told me it was my disability another person I liked and wanted to see what things go never talk to me like I always had to initiate conversation and then never texted me back. Like when I remembered I existed it was awesome but when they didn't they just felt like a number on my phone. I refuse to try hard to get a partner which is probably the reason why I've been single so long is because I'm not putting massive amounts of effort into it. Like when I tried to get in nerdy boyfriend when I was younger and my first getting onto the internet I tried my damnedest and I got one one that liked the person I pretended to be and know who I actually was. People think I'm very depressed now and yeah I'm not happy with my life but the person I act like now is who I actually am not the person I know people want me to be. I'm a little neet goblin basically. I get anxiety when I leave the house. Either I feel anxious that I'm going to mess something up or that I'm going to feel lonely even if I made an effort to get out of my comfort place that being my own property. The only reason I acted like I was someone different 4 years prior to now was because I wanted people to like me and they still didn't I had people around me but they didn't like me. I'm so lonely sometimes I don't know what to do but I don't think any subs going to want me but that happy for my disability or the fact that I am unemployed or that they just don't get what I'm into. I get so many subs are looking to feel safe because of a dominant but I want to sub that makes me feel safe. I want someone who likes me for me and will make me feel comfortable to go out and meet them. Do not feel alone even though I'm around someone. I want to feel like someone is actually going to listen to me and take my feelings into account and not think they know what I mean but to truly ask me what I mean and what I want. Maybe that's why I'm going on I don't know I'm just sad not crying sad but before when I got called boring but just melancholy. I just thought making posts like this probably doesn't help either because of a big strong dominant man told me you have to put up this air of always being in control and sad posts I guess don't do that