Posted Saturday, May 24, 2025
1yProblematic Co-workers?
I need some advice. I have a colleague at work who I believe may have Narcissistic tendencies. He's not been with our company long. He was a manager at his previous positions and has more experience in our industry. He's at the same job level as me. But, has started treating me like he's my shift manager. He is well liked and good at what he does. But, hes got into the habit of telling the others what to do. And I don't like that he's treating me like my boss. When he's not my boss. I want to confront him on his behavior. But, I don't know if he'll just make working there more aqward. What should I do?
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1y
Maybe you can do without him need to tell you, I mean if you have done it, he can't tell you anything anymore and when he tell you just say that you also think about that and don't need to keep telling me since I also know what I suppose to do. Maybe you don't need to make too serious, like while joking when he telling you .. ok boss, I also plan to do that so I think you don't need to keep reminding me 😅😅 Just my opinion.
1y
Talk to your boss and HR, it’s called work place harassment. I don’t know about UK laws, but if your comfortable with talking to your coworker than explain your discomfort and the unease of tension that occurs from him assigning work when your busy with other tasks. I know how it feels to be in a situation where you were assigned to give out tasks to only be able to accept them. I like to think people don’t have malicious intent behind their actions and just want to fulfill the duties that are assigned to them to the best of their capabilities. To be fair though mostly everyone has a form of narcissism to them. The idea that your presence is useful for a specific situation and that your not replaceable are forms of narcissism, to think otherwise would be similar to pessimism.
1y
Can you add example or two how he behave towards you so we get clearer context and diagnose him ? I would start from issue where it comes from . If you have chance to get him in private like on a drink or such by asking him for perhaps extra tip or knowing him better would be my first move . This way you show certain maturity and perhaps you discover core issue why he doing things he do . At that drink you can casually note him that he is advising you without you asked for advice or instruction . Explain him how you feel about his way as coworker . It is like playing detective in finding possible motives of his behaviour . You wrote that he have habbit telling others what to do . You haven't exactly explain his position now and you mention he was manager . So is his function now lower than manager ? If he was manager before well you can guess why he telling others what to do . Probably he just stayed at that operational mode as manager . You mention that he is not long in company where you work . This could be just his continuation of what he know and perhaps surroundings in your company are little bit untrained according to him . Not defending him but you just have to dismiss all wrong reasons why he doing this and probably doing it because of previous position he had . Bottom line , start from him and you and talk it out , because it's not ok to keep that inside you . If that doesn't work investigate are there more coworkers who would confront him together with you . It is much easier and justified if more coworkers than just you comes to the boss and tell him , hey boss i have situation . So when those two ways doesn't work ( you tried yourself and you tried with coworkers to smooth up things ) final option is going to the boss . I believe he is more like perfectionist or person who use all he got to improve firm where he work thus it can be reason why he push others because he perhaps doing it zealously . Plus if he is not long in firm where you work and if he care a lot about job he do he can just be in competition mode with elderly coworkers who are there longer than he is . Probably a sign that he want to be acknowledged and accepted and well , perhaps he is competing for higher position . Again you gave very little info so only you can see some of suggestions as valid and some as not . (edited)
1y
On the paper you are equals. If you can both do all the stuff you know what to do after finishing a task and how to do it... so, do you really need someone to tell you something you already know? 😊 Facts speech louder than words. Do your stuff and show him you are not a nooby. And when he approach you to tell something you already know just say "I already know, thanks" or "I've already done this work before, thanks" or "I know how to do this one, thanks. But please: we are CO-WORKERS, and if you have any suggestions to work better please, fell free to give me some advice. I WILL DO THE SAME THING WITH YOU TO IMPROVE YOUR WORK. WE ARE A TEAM!" In this way you 1)show him gratitude for his advice 2)make clear you are co-workers and he is not your boss 3)you are telling him with words and facts that you are capable but not too selfish to keep some advice. 4) If he can give you advice you will do the same with him because HE IS NOT YOUR BOSS. What do you think about this? Could it work for you? I my job this approach helped me a lot.😊 (edited)
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