Boo
5mo

Metacognition and patterned behavior

Hi all - I've been chasing down a particularly troublesome factor in my pursuit of growth, which is how to identify a patterned behavior that is deeply ingrained to the point that it feels like reflex or instinct when it's just behavioral muscle memory, possibly developed as a survival mechanism that is no longer needed. When someone is there to give feedback it's fairly easy to track them but alone can be a hall of mirrors...how do YOU step outside the maze and see the patterns?

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4mo

CBT has helped me with this, as well as shadow work 🙏

5mo

Interesting topic, In my experience i went some layers below to know and understand my roots, needs and desires, hence my reactions. Facilitating the detachment exercise to observe myself on those scenarios you point. Its an ongoing training and path (in my case at least), tweak here and there, try or adhere some others; but its a practice and learning habit im passionate about. >What reaction was off (for my observation goals)? >What triggered it? (Who, but mainly What interaction/word/subject… flagged it? >How did i felt? >>> Analysis, factual then spot the “pattern behavioral” response im overcoming >>> integrate and replace with the new/actual behavioral response (previously framed). Hope it helps, and also appreciate thoughts in the constructive realm.

5mo

I think what you are describing is the point where behaviour stops feeling like a choice and starts feeling like part of who you are. When something has been repeated enough times, especially if it originally served a purpose, it becomes automatic. At one point it served you in some way and now it is familiar and efficient. What makes it difficult to see in the moment is that it initially takes time, but eventually you will catch yourself, then you must acknowledge it and stop. Now you are building the new habit minimise it. You are right that alone it is a hall of mirrors. That is the hardest part. When someone else is there, they can say "hey, you are doing that thing again." But alone, the pattern just feels like you. Like that is just how you are. Perhaps you even tolerate it and allow yourself to continue when you catch yourself. Metacognition alone is what enables you to see the mirrors, but only action gives you the capacity to choose to find your way out the maze. It takes time to build the new habit. The habit of stopping. Understanding the situations the habit normally takes place in, or the need that it fills, can make it simpler to replace with something else entirely. Which is the ultimate goal. I do not think you fully step outside of it in one moment. It is more about creating small gaps between the reaction and your awareness of it. You do it, you are aware you do it, you notice yourself do it, you name it and say "This is that pattern again", then you proceed with the above steps. What has helped me is not trying to see the whole maze at once. That is overwhelming. The other thing is slowing down. Patterns run fast. Reflex fast. If you can build even a small pause into your day, a moment where you just check in with yourself, or in the moment it occurs without judgment, you start to create space between the trigger and the response. That space is where choice lives. Over time you become aware enough of them that you are no longer fully identified with pattern, you just observe it, and are separate from it. Then there is at least some space to choose differently. You will not see everything. That is fine. You just need to see a little more than you did yesterday. That is growth.

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