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Posted Tuesday, November 25, 2025
11d
ENFP
Sagittarius
Honest Question About Polyfidelity and the “Unicorn Hunting” Label
Hey folks I’ve been thinking about something and wanted to get some real perspectives. I’ve noticed that in poly circles, some people prefer relationship structures where everyone dates everyone, and as long as that’s communicated from the start, it’s generally accepted and doesn’t get labeled as “unicorn hunting.” But when a couple says, “We’re looking for a polyfidelitous triad or quad,” it often seems to attract that label or some negativity. So my question is: If all parties are fully aware, informed, and consenting from the beginning and if everyone understands that the goal is a closed triad/quad .. does that still count as unicorn hunting? For context, in a triad there are multiple connections (A&B, B&C, A&C, and the shared ABC dynamic). If everyone is entering it with honesty and equal opportunity for connection, is it still considered problematic or is it just a matter of how it’s approached? Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that QPRs (queerplatonic relationships) are a thing too, and there are plenty of bisexual or bi-curious women in marriages who are genuinely exploring that side of themselves. Yet, when a married woman says “I’d love to have a girlfriend,” it often gets automatically lumped into the “unicorn hunting” category even when it’s coming from a place of sincerity and openness. And just because someone comes into a relationship after it’s already established doesn’t make them any less important or valued. Sure, the time invested might not be equal, but the intent >> to love and be loved, to build something genuine together, can absolutely be the same. I’d really appreciate open, honest opinions on all of this not looking to argue, just to better understand the community’s perspectives.
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12
Polyamory Community
The polyamory community, chat, and discussion.
542K SOULS
10d
ENFP
Gemini
This is fascinating and delves deeper into what I've seen too. There seems to a generalized hate for Unicorn hunters. YET I've come across plenty of profile self label AS Unicorns and seeking couples. ( Mainly in Feeld.) Its a bit of a double standard for an "open love" community to shun certain aspects. I think it stems from the lack of communication and emotional maturity in the couple and in the relationship. Either there hasn't been regular discourse or the relationship with the Unicorn has developed into something more. Certainly Ive heard that one of the biggest complaints is that the Unicorn might be dumped if things go sour. Which can be viewed as emotional abuse. Again to cite your original point. If all parties are consenting adults, who are we to judge and ostracize? (edited)
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